I bought these super cute quality gloves to match my winter gear. I lost the left glove some time ago and so today I went to buy another pair. I went to Walgreens to get some stuff and lost the other fucking glove. This is consistent will my winter routine. I'm very frustrated with myself over this. I want to let it go but I just don't see the point in this lesson again. And now I see that it has to do with my pelvic issue. Some things that should get lost that aren't serving me, such as this fucking endo, are hanging around. It has come back five years later and I don't understand why? What did I forget to do last time? Not loving to myself? Mischaneling my creativity. So many things that need to be repeated. So many soul lessons. I feel overwhelmed. Unbalanced. Unsure. Unloved. The feeling of not being good enough. Of forgetting. Of pain. The feeling of losing something you valued. Feeling on top again. Back on my game and knowing better and then boom. The floor is pulled from under you. I'm fine. I don't want to connect right now. I get it. But I don't want too. I'm so sorry I treated you that way. I use to be really good at hiding my pain and emotions but you've somehow managed to make me drop my guard. I can't help but feel myself around you. It's always been that way which is why I would always push you away. And that's what I want to do right now. I want to push you away. I didn't want to say mean things to you. I'm sorry. I don't like speaking to you in an unloving way. I don't want to have to keep apologizing for that. I am still learning. Always learning.
