January 8, 2011 Love and Marriage

Today was the wedding of Alberto and Monica. I was so happy for them.  Seeing them together made me think about getting married to Luis, whether or not we did things the right way, and what our wedding will look like this year.  Yes I said, wedding.  We plan on having a wedding in October in the Dominican with all of my family and hopefully most of my good friends there.  This wedding was definitely a window into what that would look like…boy do we have a lot of work ahead.

The ceremony was beautiful.  One thing that really hit home with me was some of the things the priest said about marriage.  One was never to embarrass your partner.  Always support your partner, even when your partner appears to be doing something strange in public.  Two, learn to eat humble pie.  There are going to be many moments in the relationship in which you or your spouse will have to take a step back to realize some things, some rights, some wrongs, and in the end, what is really important.  Three, well, at this present moment I can't remember the third thing but it was really good.  None of this was in any kind of order.  Oh, yeah, he also said something about waiting until you get home to have a talk about something rather than do it in public in front of others.  I suppose that may go under the embarrassment category.


He also spoke about marriage being a sacrement and I suppose I never really thought about that.  I guess it was because our ceremony was just a tad bit impersonal and unconventional.  Being in that church gave me a certain feeling about getting married that I really didn't feel in our wedding.  Now don't get me wrong, I think that my wedding was beautiful and precious.  I suppose standing up there, or kneeling in the case of Alberto and Monica, in a holy place surrounded by the people who love you most creates a different kind of energy.  It's like everyone is committing to the marriage, in the same way a group of people commit to raising a child in a certain way during a baptism.  I really liked it and I look forward to having a wedding, a real wedding.

I suppose Luis and I are standing...at least, lol!  I really don't know how to describe it.  Things have been good so far...at least in som areas.  I think as a couple our hearts and minds (TBD) are in the right place but individually, I am not exactly sure.  At least more so for myself.

What the hell is my problem?  Not exactly sure.  Some screws are definitely loose up there.  I struggle with some of the same things I struggled with in my last relationship and now I have to do what I definitely didn't do before which is to develop tools to keep me from pushing away so much. It was easy with my ex because well, for one, we sure as hell weren't married so I had a way out.  Two, and most importantly, I was not in love with that man anymore.  That made it hella easy to push him away.  I remember when it really started. I remember it was the moment he asked me to take the wheel. I agreed and drove myself crazy because I don't know how to share the ride.  I never realized how much I liked to be in control of the things around me until I started PTW with the Fish.  Seeing that part of me made me realize some areas of my life I have been too controlling in thus affecting my relationship.  Hey, I'm working on it.  Admitting is the first step.  

Anywuzzle, on a much higher note....Wedding bells are ringing…God be with us!  Maybe I will feel what a newlywed feels after getting married in a different way.  I can't stop thinking about planning this wedding.  That is all that is on my mind right now.  I guess I better get to it so I can free my thoughts.


Peace!