I have decided to end all worry and stress in my life. When I look back over my life and think about the times when I let, worry, fear, and stress run the show, I was not happy. In this mental, emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual state I am in, I feel complete happiness and peace. I sometimes feel like a work in progress but I am only 27. I say that not to give my ego the power to decide I don't deserve it now or I have to wait until a certain age to experience bliss. Bliss is now because I create it in my universe! In hearing the word bliss these days, I see how I have never really used it to describe any moment in my life. I guess I secretly thought bliss was a bad thing. Yet, as a divine child of God, I deserve to live in bliss and abundance!
So, I am a creator, I have known that for a while now. I realized that I also created the issues I have with my marriage by stressing and worrying about so much that I sent the wrong desires and and energy into the universe. Now that I know to send the right ones, I call upon patience to see me through correcting my actions now. Writing this has made me realize that I wait on no one but me to make things happen. Yet and still, I still bothered by some things with my husband. I don't create that in saying it, I observe it.
Why is it that I can't seem to just let him live his life without being irritated by his lack of self love and appreciation? Does he not accept that it is him that has placed him here? No one else can determine your life for you. I can not determine your life for you and I don't want to. I realize in my new enlightenment that I don't want to determine how his life goes for him. I feel an unattraction to him when he sits around and waits for me to make things happen. I sat around and waited for him to do things that just weren't on his mind. So, what was on his mind? What has been on his mind? There were times where I would look at his existence as non-existent. As if I just imagined him up for what I needed at the time. A blank canvas. I don't want a blank canvas. I want a person who lives for his/herself. I want someone who knows they decide their own destiny. I realized as I got closer to me that I didn't like who he was. Universe, I realize I can create him as I want him, but I would rather he create himself as he wants himself. I would rather he seek to please himself fully and not half heartedly in the methods he had chosen. I would rather him do tasks to please himself and not me. I don't want to be hurt by this. (You mean to tell me he will clean the bathroom and do laundry if I create it in my heart and mind?!?!?!? But even after he's does it, is it ever enough?)
I have to say what I really want here. I accept that I have created my environment. What environment now would I create that would make me happy in this situation? I don't want to create a person perfect for me. That person should already exist. Here is the other issue I have: maybe I have realized I don't want the perfect person. Maybe I just want me. Is that what I have created?
The use of language in this way of living is so important. You have to be careful to send the right energy into the universe. Since I am so uncertain, the universe has to try to filter through my mumbo jumbo and pick up on what I really want. It's not hard work, it's just new work. I am adjusting to it and I get better and better at it every day. I have to say my husband is on the same level as I am and feel it at the same time. I don't hope for it, I create it. I don't wait for it, it is now. For a woman who has spent her entire life confirming her impatience, this is definitely an interesting feat to conquer. Yet, it is already conquered. See, this is a tricky business, lol. I am willing to invest though!
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