I just saw my ex

Or at least some motherfucker that looks just like him. He was much beefier but the eyes, the nose, the complexion, the beauty marks, the lips, the glasses. I mean, I swear to God it was him but I couldn't even say anything. I just kept getting off the train. I thought, if it were him, he would recognize me and say something. Wtf?

Why the fuck do I think he would greet me in any manner? What the hell would I have to say? What the hell do we have to talk about? It bothered me that if it was him that he wouldn't recognize me nor say hello (he did always say he wouldn't piss on me I was on the street).

As I got off the train I reasoned with myself that it wasn't him. Then just as I looked up, I saw the name Peter Frampton on the Chicago Theatre sign. Right after that, By The Time I Get To Phoenix comes on the iPhone. At that point I knew it didn't matter whether it was him or not. What matters is that the universe is begging me at this point to deal with the baggage from my ex. I can't ignore the signs any longer.

Boss Lady talked a lot about the signs while we were in MCO. This whole thing with Carl was the first hint. It was the first alert that I better deal with my shit or else. The Peter Frampton sign has to do with the fact that my ex use to listen to this one Peter Frampton song over and over again. It was "do you feel like I do" and I can't stand to hear it now because he played it out.

I never listened to any Isaac Hayes music before my ex. Of the few songs he shared with me, By The Time I Get To Phoenix was the one I didn't listen to much at all. The song is mostly just talking and I have to admit I have never really listened to the words until today. It's about a man who keeps loving a woman and she keeps breaking his heart. He does everything for her and she just cheats on him. She doesn't seem to give him love, she just takes it.

I haven't begun to deal with my old relationship. I never thought I had to. I knew I had some baggage but it's a lot more than I ever imagined. After the Isaac Hayes song went off, Sade's By Your Side came on. That song use to describe how I felt about my ex. Except I did the exact opposite of what that song says. So much guilt.

Let the soul work began :-(