I just remembered a feeling I use to have all the time as a child. I remember feeling like an empty shell. I remember thinking that I didn't have a soul and that for some reason it was outside of my body and that I had to earn it or something. I thought that since I had no religion or spiritual foundation that I didn't have a soul. I suppose that is one of the negative side effects of having a paret not ground you spiritually.
Why did I feel like my soul was outside of my body? I felt so empty and I missed my soul. I thought that one day I might see it and have it again. I took at lot of astral trips when I was a child and I remember flying a lot in my dreams. My mind was always somewhere else fantasizing about this, that, and the third. I thought about love a lot and wanted someone for me.
I can't believe I've forgotten so much about myself when I was a child. That's the importance of keeping a journal. I knew that some day I would merge with my soul. If I think of this in a spiritual sense then I knew one day I would love through my soul. That it would inch closer and closer to me until we were one. I also knew that when that happened my life would never be the same. I knew that if and when I accepted my destiny I would have to abandon some of my lifestyle.
I have something to fulfill and if I could describe how close I am to my destiny in an image I would say that my soul and this vessel are merging now and it's a slow and painful union. All of this comes out while CIC is in my life. This is overwhelming.
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