Oh boy...
Per my last blog, I had left CIC once again. That poor man. That "break-up" lasted for about a week or so. I don't even remember how long it was because guess what? I went right back. How can I describe what it's like to try to separate from this man in any way? How I can begin to explain to you why I feel like I have been waiting for him my whole life? What words could I possibly use to get to you to understand that I know I have missed him for hundreds or maybe even thousands of years? I am just not sure how to find those words for you. What I do know is that we have been reunited and yes, it feels so good. We are happier than ever together and I don't want him out of my life ever again.
I have never had a problem walking away from something in my life, be it good or bad. I am usually pretty good at going cold turkey on someone or something. I can't seem to do with with CIC.
In other news, I am going to look at some a couple different apartments today. I have to move out before the end of next month. I am really excited to start my new journey in my new space all alone. That right, all alone. I can't bring my cat with me because the truth is that she makes me sick. Talking about my cat allergies of course. I can't be around her longer than ten minutes without itchy skin and a stuffy nose. Onyxia is a sweetheart but she is definitely my roommate's cat. I'll talk more about my roommate when the time is right. Just know for now that I won't be having this roommate much longer and THANK GOD!!!!!
So much to say, so little time.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part II: Find Your Purpose
Instead of being bored, tired, and resentful of the action I am taking toward my goals, I am going to become energized. Living in my purpose is going to energize me. I will be in a state of joy and enlightenment all the time. I will live in bliss. When you start to live in your purpose, the things I didn't think possible become possible. Synchronicity begins to happen. It can be a very terrifying experience to live my purpose. Reality is not what we think it is. It is completely different. What I put in the universe when I am not in alignment with my purpose can yield certain results.
A slight change in perception can alter my life. I have the right recipe but I have the terms mixed up. It's a tiny shift that will give huge results.
What is not purpose? Purpose is not your job, relationship, not what you do every day, not what other people think of you or their ideas.
Purpose is a state of being. It's who I am intrinsically without any labels. My purpose is to wake up to the part of my divinity that I am. I have to get about the business of giving my unique gift to the world and by doing that I give my amazing gift to the world. My purpose is my soul. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. If I am living in my purpose, I will be supported by the universe. If I am not living in my purpose then I will be left to the world to decide my state. The way of the world in the job market, the question has been what value can I extract from my employer? The new question is how can I be of service to the planet? Giving my gift is being of service. My purpose is the center spoke of a wheel. My purpose is way of being. I have to plant myself in my purpose and cultivate so that I can come forward.
The conscious mind is an awareness of what I am doing right now such as typing. My subconscious mind is what beats my heart, holds my memories, grows my nails, the intelligence that creates life inside of me and it goes unused. I have to dig into my subconscious to create the building blocks along with my purpose.
What's my first happiest memory? My birthday on Easter.
Who is there? My family. My mom.
Where do I feel it? In my head.
How did I feel? Special. Happy. I didn't have to do anything to feel loved that day. It was just given.
My second happiest memory? It was hard to come by at first but I remembered it. It was when my dad sold all that candy for us at school.
Who is there? My Dad. I can see my classmates too.
Where do I feel it? I feel it in my head.
How did I feel? Like pride. Surprise. Loved. Cared for. I felt like it was nice or proper thing to do for your children.
And the next? Sitting on grandaddy's lap.
Who is there? Just him and I.
Where do I feel it? I feel this in my heart.
How did I feel? I felt happy. Safe. Fun. Young. I knew that nothing could harm me while I was with him.
What is my earliest romantic memory? I was three years old. I was having a fake wedding in preschool. While we were getting married our wedding got ambushed.
Who is there? Eric was there.
How did I feel? I felt excited. I felt a rush. It was my first kiss. I felt special. Although we had a plan, things went wrong but some how I still felt like we were in this together.
What is my most recent happiest memory? Japan. My birthday.
Who is there? I was with Kumiko and her friends.
How did I feel? I felt safe. Happy. Free. Fun. Special. Adventurous. I accomplished what I wanted to do and took the time all for myself.
All we have to do is remember happy times to feel comfortable and secure. Nothing of my circumstance just changed but I feel great. Look at the common theme here.
Our goal is to follow our bliss and that will lead to where we need to be. What are the through lines in all of my memories? It's very interesting to see all these themes play in my memory. I am surrounded by love in all of them and I never had to say a word. I wasn't doing anything in these memories. I just had to be born and present to experience them. From there I can recognize what my purpose is.
My purpose is to recognize the importance the need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me. Growing up, I didn't always have the opportunity to feel those things and when I don't feel those things, I am not living in my purpose.
A slight change in perception can alter my life. I have the right recipe but I have the terms mixed up. It's a tiny shift that will give huge results.
What is not purpose? Purpose is not your job, relationship, not what you do every day, not what other people think of you or their ideas.
Purpose is a state of being. It's who I am intrinsically without any labels. My purpose is to wake up to the part of my divinity that I am. I have to get about the business of giving my unique gift to the world and by doing that I give my amazing gift to the world. My purpose is my soul. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. If I am living in my purpose, I will be supported by the universe. If I am not living in my purpose then I will be left to the world to decide my state. The way of the world in the job market, the question has been what value can I extract from my employer? The new question is how can I be of service to the planet? Giving my gift is being of service. My purpose is the center spoke of a wheel. My purpose is way of being. I have to plant myself in my purpose and cultivate so that I can come forward.
The conscious mind is an awareness of what I am doing right now such as typing. My subconscious mind is what beats my heart, holds my memories, grows my nails, the intelligence that creates life inside of me and it goes unused. I have to dig into my subconscious to create the building blocks along with my purpose.
What's my first happiest memory? My birthday on Easter.
Who is there? My family. My mom.
Where do I feel it? In my head.
How did I feel? Special. Happy. I didn't have to do anything to feel loved that day. It was just given.
My second happiest memory? It was hard to come by at first but I remembered it. It was when my dad sold all that candy for us at school.
Who is there? My Dad. I can see my classmates too.
Where do I feel it? I feel it in my head.
How did I feel? Like pride. Surprise. Loved. Cared for. I felt like it was nice or proper thing to do for your children.
And the next? Sitting on grandaddy's lap.
Who is there? Just him and I.
Where do I feel it? I feel this in my heart.
How did I feel? I felt happy. Safe. Fun. Young. I knew that nothing could harm me while I was with him.
What is my earliest romantic memory? I was three years old. I was having a fake wedding in preschool. While we were getting married our wedding got ambushed.
Who is there? Eric was there.
How did I feel? I felt excited. I felt a rush. It was my first kiss. I felt special. Although we had a plan, things went wrong but some how I still felt like we were in this together.
What is my most recent happiest memory? Japan. My birthday.
Who is there? I was with Kumiko and her friends.
How did I feel? I felt safe. Happy. Free. Fun. Special. Adventurous. I accomplished what I wanted to do and took the time all for myself.
All we have to do is remember happy times to feel comfortable and secure. Nothing of my circumstance just changed but I feel great. Look at the common theme here.
Our goal is to follow our bliss and that will lead to where we need to be. What are the through lines in all of my memories? It's very interesting to see all these themes play in my memory. I am surrounded by love in all of them and I never had to say a word. I wasn't doing anything in these memories. I just had to be born and present to experience them. From there I can recognize what my purpose is.
My purpose is to recognize the importance the need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me. Growing up, I didn't always have the opportunity to feel those things and when I don't feel those things, I am not living in my purpose.
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