Pa not my Pa: It's a family affair

My family and I are on the outs right now because I wanted to have a family meeting to discuss some problems people are having.  No one showed up so I am temporarily cut them off.  Well, not all of them.  I still talk to my sisters, grandma, and my little brothers.   They are ok in my book.  But the rest of them can kick rocks right now.  Kinda harsh to say about family, right?  Well, here's a little background.

My family has a problem communicating, and expressing emotions properly.  I have always been gifted in those areas so you can see my frustration.  Right now my family is really struggling.  We are expanding greatly in numbers but we are still poor.  My grand-daddy came up here to make a better life for the family and this is how we repay him?  Through, laziness,  complacency and mediocrity?  Shame on us, Williams family!  I know that we are better than where we are right now.  I have some tools that could really help everyone out but no one wants to listen to me and I am not surprised.

I am the middle child and well, you know what that means.  Starved for attention, right?  Not so much.  Looked over and ignored, right?  Not really but sometimes.  I guess I am not the typical middle child in some regards but I do have the advantages of that role like seeing other people fuck up and doing what I need to do to get out of dodge. In my house, I was the the peace maker or the goodie-two-shoes as my siblings would probably describe me. I hated to see people fight and argue and my family had its fair share of doing that!  I have always liked to help people.  It comes naturally for me.  My family needs help and I want to help them.  My only issue is that my family use to put me on a pedestal.  I also am very emotional and they can't get pass my tears sometimes to hear me out.  Not to mention I am always accused of wanting to be right.  Ugh, I hate that the most.  Just because I happen to be right about a lot of shit doesn't mean that is my goal =P

Communicating with these folk is stressful.  So much so that my ex thought it would be healthier if I got as far away from them as possible.  My ticket out was college! So, in choosing a college, I went as far away as I could to get away from them while still paying in-state tuition: SIUC (Go Salukis!).  And guess what?  Didn't miss them much at all!  In fact, it was relief to be away from all the noise and drama.  But my ex, I think, had other plans.  I was so closed off from my family after a couple years at school.  I didn't necessarily want to be estranged from them but that is what was happening, estranged just like he was from his family by his choice (if I had a dime for every moment of hind site I'd be one rich bitch).  It wasn't until my ex went psycho on me that I really saw the meaning and support of family.  I will never forget the lesson I learned from reaching out to them when in need. That being said, we still got issues.

Now, I am reading this book entitled Soul Lessons and Soul Purposes and it is very deep.  It is the key to living a full soulful life and I admit I have not read it is several months.  You have to take it in bits because it's mind blowing.  One of the mind blowing parts of this book is the part where it says your family is not your family: Pa not my Pa (The Color Purple reference for your n00bs).  When I read this, I felt so much relief.  Let me grab the book so I don't do it any injustice. I will quote the entire reference

Do not remain arrested in unresolved childhood dramas.  You are impacted by your family of origin because it is where you first learn your value, are introduced to relationships, and are given your earliest tools to navigate the world.  But eventually you must recognize your family's limitations and the ways in which you feel that they have wounded you, forgive them, and move on.  

Remember that your relatives are part of your soul school and that you have chosen them.  They create an incubator or a hothouse, so to speak, where you can grow your soul as quickly as possible, and they actually serve you very well.  However, your true parents are not here on this plane, but are the Divine Holy Father and Blessed Mother who created you. Your mom and dad are the scared vessels who give you passage to Earth school, and are to be respected and honored for agreeing to do this, but they are not your true origin.  

View your family as part of your soul's curriculum.  This will give you perspective and compassion and hopefully will motivate you to let go of any anger or grudges you have against them.  Love these people and realize that they are fumbling through Earth school just like you are.  As long as you are here, you all are students, learning together and from one another.  If you have realistic expectations of your family and everyone else, this will help you free yourself from the past and the future and begin to live in the moment.  

Wow, I mean, wow.  I don't know about you but my life was changed once again reading that.  I think this knowledge is especially helpful for people with really fucked up families.  It is some hard candy to swallow in the beginning, you know, that your soul was the one that decided to be placed in your situation and that God approved (once again, I will blog about life charts later, stay focused people) but after while, it is the most liberating and powerful knowledge you could ever possess.  Once you know that your soul, that you, decided to wear these shoes, you can determine how you life is going to go from here on out!

Anywuzzle, I am sure that if I weren't born into my family, I would not talk to anyone (me <----loner).   I feel obligated to have these people in my life because they are family but I do not agree with some of their choices and lifestyles.  Does that mean I just have to accept them because they are family?  That I have to deal with their shit day in a day out because we have the same blood? According to the soul lesson written above, NO!! I mean, I still love them. This doesn't have much to do with love.  I love them, I just don't like them all the time.  Love is accepting.  Love is unconditional.  Love is helping.  Right?  I love them.  Does loving them mean I have to force myself to accept their dirty ass house?  Who the fuck am I to judge?  Well, I wouldn't say I am judging.  My family is comprised of intelligent beautiful divine children of God and they have a choice in how they live.  Hell, they wrote the script!

Now let's not get too lost here.  Most of that was venting about my frustrations.  The text I quoted earlier mentions respecting my parents and I totally agree with that.  The hardest thing I think for most of us is accepting that these people we were born into are apart of our soul lesson and that we must learn those lessons to accomplish our goals in this lifetime.  For some reason whenever I think about the message from the book I always think about someone who was raped or abused by a family member or parent.  I think those individuals would have the hardest time with this knowledge. I think they have some of the biggest soul lessons to learn and that they are very brave and strong souls to write such an event in their chart.  Not that all souls write that type of event specifically, maybe they just write the lesson.  The point is, what a tough lesson to learn and when do you open yourself up to learning it?  I am grateful my bridge isn't that tough to cross.

While I have my family issues I must put aside my ego and focus on what is really important and that is learning my soul lesson and helping my family members learn theirs. That is much easier said than done but I know I have time to do it.  I think I will do it by writing each family member a letter.  I think they will communicate better that way since a face to face was obviously too much for them.  Just have to get over myself enough to make it happen.  Sigh...