More on pain, yin and yang, and other vomit

What is  my major malfunction?  I have a choice, right?  What is it that I am choosing right now with my husband?  To be mean and unattached.  Not to talk to him.  To be annoyed by everything he does and doesn't do.  Why do I want him perfect when I am not.  I mean, he is perfect in a sense.  Perfectly being himself.  I just wish he would man up sometimes.  Now I am starting to get the emotional responses from him that I wanted but not exactly anything with substance.  Just him being upset with me.  I wish he would just say, we need to talk.  We need to talk about your attitude.  But he doesn't care.  He would let me walk all over him in this house.  Do whatever the fuck I wanted.  He doesn't complain to me about anything.  I am not perfect.  Is it that he is choosing his battle or he just doesn't give a shit or he is oblivious to my antics.  I want someone to tell me what I am doing wrong so I can fix it.  But do I really want to fix it?  Once again, he fucked up my orgasm.  I have chosen this.  All my fears about what marriage would be like is happening.  He told me we can decide what we want marriage to be.  What do I want it to be?  I don't want it to be.  I am not sure this marriage thing is for me and I wish it was for typical reasons like wanting someone else.  What am I annoyed by everything little thing he does?  It use to be the opposite.  Is this that yin and yang bullshit I have been reading about?  Why are we so repelled right now.  Well, I am repelled.  I am sure he would just be business as usual if not for my attitude.  I'm in pain.  Not just from My injury but emotional pain.  I have to go catch the bus now for physical therapy.  Peace