I just remembered a feeling I use to have all the time as a child. I remember feeling like an empty shell. I remember thinking that I didn't have a soul and that for some reason it was outside of my body and that I had to earn it or something. I thought that since I had no religion or spiritual foundation that I didn't have a soul. I suppose that is one of the negative side effects of having a paret not ground you spiritually.
Why did I feel like my soul was outside of my body? I felt so empty and I missed my soul. I thought that one day I might see it and have it again. I took at lot of astral trips when I was a child and I remember flying a lot in my dreams. My mind was always somewhere else fantasizing about this, that, and the third. I thought about love a lot and wanted someone for me.
I can't believe I've forgotten so much about myself when I was a child. That's the importance of keeping a journal. I knew that some day I would merge with my soul. If I think of this in a spiritual sense then I knew one day I would love through my soul. That it would inch closer and closer to me until we were one. I also knew that when that happened my life would never be the same. I knew that if and when I accepted my destiny I would have to abandon some of my lifestyle.
I have something to fulfill and if I could describe how close I am to my destiny in an image I would say that my soul and this vessel are merging now and it's a slow and painful union. All of this comes out while CIC is in my life. This is overwhelming.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
My dream might not be a dream....
Some time last year or in 2010 I had one of the most vivid and memorable dreams I've ever had in my life. I like to call this dream the time of Magic...
This was the time of magic. And not the kind of rabbit in a hat magic or Harry Potter secret world magic. Real magic. Human beings finally started using their higher senses, intuition, and souls to create. Magic was real and a part of everyday life. We all had the ability to perform magic but there were some more powerful than others. I had magic, just like my entire family. My real family members, though not all of them, were in my dream. I was in a relationship with Narciso or someone who appeared to look like him. As I delved more into the dream I tried to turn it into him but I don't know who he this man was. I will call him my lover because we were together.
I was the apprentice to the head magician. This man was loved and respected by the entire world. He was one of our greatest spiritual leaders. We believed in him and he helped us all get closer to God. Everything in the dream seemed business as usual and magic was everyday life. I wasn't the only apprentice to the head magician but I was always with him, especially at the important events. I listened to everything he said and did everything he asked of me. I never thought I could actually get on his level one day but I aspired to do so. He had a tv special coming up and I was asked to be there to assist. He was going to be performing a new magic on a national broadcast.
Now just because the world was enlightened, doesn't mean evil didn't exist. I mean, for the most part the world was peaceful. There were still instances of violence and other crimes such as money laundering and other mafia like activities though most people had no idea this was going on, even me. There were also those who didn't believe in magic or chose not to practice it. Everyone was free to think and believe what they wanted and no one had to suffer for their beliefs. Poverty was almost non existent and man reverted back to simpler and greener ways of living. There was no war. Just peace, living, learning, and loving.
On the day of the news cast, there just so happened to be an exchange of some important item between two mafia groups. This was happening right outside of the news studio walls. In my hind sight analysis of the dream, I think the head magician new about all of this. His magic trick required us to go outside and we just so happened to exit the studio at the same moment the exchange between the two mob groups had gone sour. Guns were drawn and there was a huge shoot out. This was all being filmed as we were in the middle of a new magic debut on tv. Pretty soon the entire world was watching all of this unfold. I imagine most of them like myself had comfort that this wasn't going to go too far with the head magician there. He was so powerful he could disarm these men instantly.
There was one of the mafia guys who's face I can still see. He looked more nervous than anyone else and had his hand wrapped around something. He ended up getting shot and this object rolled from his hands as he fell to the floor. It was a very shiny stone, kinda grey in color. I could feel there was something special about it but it was still just a rock at that point. For some reason the head magician wasn't participating in this. You see, even though he and a lot of other people had the power to change things, sometimes life must run it's course. This was one of those situations in which he must stay on the path and not interfere. At least that was my guess. All of a sudden he emerged in the middle of the gun fire to grab this stone. I yelled for him not to go out there. He was then shot by random fire.
As he lay bleeding on the ground, I ran to him. He took my hands and placed the stone in them. He told me not to let anyone get their hands on this stone. That it was the source of all power in the universe and it must be protected from getting into the wrong hands. As I took the stone I could feel it's power but some of that power was locked. I wanted to say so much to him with tears in my eyes. He was a father to me and many. I loved him dearly. When it had been discovered that he was shot the gun fire ceased with pure silence and the mafia men started to pile away in cars. The head magician shouted for me to leave and I did. I fled as quickly as the mob goons, the guilty ones. Of course the camera footage recorded everything...
The world was in mourning and wanted retribution and answers. Most people assumed that I fled out of fear and grief but the more and more they showed the footage, I could be seen taking something from the head magicians hands. People started asking questions and formulating answers. Soon people began to look for me. I was already trying to stay out of public to protect the rock but it didn't help that I was wanted for questioning. How could anyone think I could play a hand in killing the most amazing person the world has ever known? That's exactly what the mafia bosses wanted people to think. Witnesses from the mafia who were there started using their influence to make people think that I killed the head magician in order to steal this stone. It soon became apparent to me that the mafia had more ties in the upper rankings of government than anyone had ever thought.
Where does the mafia come into all this? Well, in my dream I didn't find out how or why this one mob goon had come across something so precious. This goon was really clumsy and it's wonder he was trusted to carry something so valuable. It was just revealed that he had it. I'm not sure what the mafia exchange was exactly about. I kinda just stumbled upon that scene it in my dream so I have no background. Somehow his boss found out about this goon possessing an object that was worth all the money in the world. I can see the face of this boss very clearly in my mind as well. After finding out the stone possessed a great power there's no way he would give it up. He wanted to run the world. I'm not sure if the exchange was about the stone or not. I like to think it was. I also think sometimes that the mafia boss saw the head magician hustle to get this stone and maybe thought it was very important if the head magician sacrificed his life for it. The goon who had the stone was still alive and he revealed what he was told about this stone to his boss.
This mafia boss had a huge hand in the president's pockets and he convinced the president and the rest of the world that I killed the head magician. People were still so distraught and grief stricken that they believed this evil man. The mafia was after me because they wanted the stone and I soon became a suspect in his murder. No amount of money was spared in hunting me. I went into hiding. I knew I couldn't go home because that's where they'd look for me first. I decided to stay with my family bouncing from house to house. Before the mafia got involved the police came looking for me and searched the premises peacefully. After a manhunt for me was started courtesy of the mafia, things got violent. Men with guns started looking for me. My family would never sell me out. They were also really good magicians so they used a bit of magic to help the cause.
I should mention that as soon as I got the stone my magical abilities increased significantly. I could now do magic that took a lot more time, work, and energy before with ease. I didn't even have to conjure things up or use a spell. The moment I wanted to do something, I just did it. These new abilities came in really handy when I was fleeing for my life. The hunt for me go so bad that one day, in what seemed like a regular raid at my sister's house, things got ugly. I had to use my magic in defense of my family revealing not only my presence but my new power. I knew after that night I could no longer stay with my family or anyone that I knew.
I knew that I would be hiding forever. I couldn't show my face anywhere. My family and lover were being watched. I could hide amongst people by becoming invisible. This is how I saw my lover. He was being watched like a hawk and was getting flack from everyone around him about my whereabouts. He never stopped defending me and told the truth about the mafia which didn't sit well with them. I protected him of course because these were dangerous people. We were still together and I got pregnant as time passed. If I didn't have him I would have gone crazy and now I was going to have a baby. A daughter. Though the fires were starting to die down, my name was mud.
That is when God came to me. He said that I must do his work. It was time to leave Earth take on more urgent matters of the universe. I was to commit myself fully in service to God, which I of course had no problem doing. I did however think about how much I would miss my family but when God comes calling, there is no argument. God told me that if and when I completed the work he had for me in the universe, the power of the stone would be mine. I didn't necessarily do any of this to have the power. It's not something I wanted. I protected it after I had seen what it could do but I never got hungry for that power. I respected it and was grateful for it, even when I didn't fully understand it. He said I could return Earth to have my baby and leave her with her father. The universe was no place to raise a child I guess. As sad as it made me it was best. I left with God immediately. I only came back to have my baby and didn't see her again though every now and again while on mission I would ask if I could visit. I knew I was always connected to her.
This is where my dream really gets interesting. I saw and experienced things I have never seen before in any movie or read in any book. I was building, maintaining, and creating universes. I would create matter from the palms of my hands and make stars and planets. This was heavy work and took a lot of energy. I could make a rope that could wrap around a planet the size of Jupiter and fling it in space to move it around. This I could also do with my hands. I could grow 100 times the size of a planet and move them around like balls. There were natural disasters happening all over the universe; "fires" that needed to be put out. Stars would crash into each other or planets. Eruptions from what seemed like volcanoes on some planets. I could go into planets and create life there from a blank slate. I also policed problems that would arise from the many beings in the universe. Settling great wars with my presence or the stroke of my hand.
There were also great evils that needed to be battled but these were few and far in between. No one could take on the power of God. No one could ever rise up to his greatness. Evil will never EVER be equal to his love and power. He loves all things which is why I had this duty. From a human point of view the universe in a lonely place but I knew I had something greater to do. There would be times when I would just be still, waiting for the next task to come about. Sometimes in those moments I would think about Earth and my daughter. Anytime I asked I was allowed to see her. I am sure I could have asked more than I did but I always told myself this work is greater and she will be taken care of.
Time didn't exist where I was. Things just are. I learned so much about life and love and everything the universe had to offer. I mean, I had a pretty cool job. It was a very trusting job God bestowed upon me. And it wasn't that he couldn't do it himself or that he was too busy to handle. I was simply just doing the job. To have all the power in the universe was an amazing thing to experience. Space is endless. Something I also did while just being still and waiting for the next task was explore the universe. I should also mention that in the beginning of my job I needed a lot of help from god on how to do things. I was still so attached to that human part of me in some ways. After learning the ropes I could do things on my own.
There was also other servants who had other jobs. We were ethereal beings of light and love. We didn't socialize much while working but there was an abundance of joy and energy in their presence. In some of the great battles there would be all sorts of angels and light beings. All of this was so vivid in my mind and happening too fast. I wanted my dream to slow down I could process what was happening but it kept moving along. Soon God came to me and said my work was done here for now. That I had served well and that I could return to Earth. He said the Earth and your daughter needed me. When I heard the word daughter it was like a light switch was turned back on in my mind. Though my heart was always with her I was always so focused on my work. I was home in a flash.
It was night when I arrived to Earth, back in human form. I should mention that while in space I was mostly just a human figure of a light. I was just energy. Anywuzzle, the first place I went was to my daughter's room and there she was sleeping a little me! 16 years had passed since I left Earth. She was beautiful and I knew she could feel me there so I didn't want to wake her. In fact, I wasn't ready to tell her I was back yet. So I went to see he father in another room. There he was. I was happy to see him. He woke up and couldn't believe I was there. We took to each other and embraced. He never stopped loving me. He never dated anyone else. He became a journalist in order to expose the truth about what happened to me. I stayed at the apartment but still invisible for quite some time. I wasn't ready to show my face, especially in front of my daughter, just yet.
I wanted to catch up on what was going in the world. In three years after I left, the time of magic ended and time of truth began. My lover worked tirelessly to spread the truth about what happened to me and the time of truth helped that time come to be. Sadly too, however, the time of truth killed the time of magic. People stopped believing in magic after what happened to the head magician. There was no one there to keep it going strong and continue to move people toward the light. People felt deceived by magic and decided it was mostly illusion. People started creating truth serums. They started taking so much of them that spells were invented to create a truth lens over the eyes. magic was used only to be able to see the truth. Everyone had truth spells cast on them because they no longer wanted to be lied to.
Apparently after my man hunt, a few magicians got together to create this powerful truth movement. When more and more people started to see the truth thet discovered the existence of the mafia and how far it's hand extended into government dealings. People were outraged and demanded justice. The mafia people were hunted down and killed. For the first year after my disappearance, the mafia boss who wanted the stone gained much political world power by leading my man hunt. He had the power and influence he wanted without having the stone. He was on top until the people found out who he really was. His head was demanded and his head was delivered. The people also demanded that the president resign and that the people elect someone of honesty. This too passed. Once all the bad people were exposed through the truth, the world also realized that I was innocent and they mourned me.
I soon became just as famous as the head magician if not even more celebrated. I was his closest apprentice and his best. He trusted me with everything. There were times in my hiding where I was seen defending myself from being killed and captured by mafia goons. There was only little footage of this but the little footage that existed revealed my magical abilities. People held on to these memories to confirm my powers. I would have been next in line to take over the head magician's charge had I completed my apprenticeship so everyone rightfully saw me as the new head magician. Yet people felt so much guilt about hating me and hunting me down that all hope for magic had been abandoned. The time of truth movement was fueled by people's inability to decided what to believe. Magic didn't show them the truth and they knew magic could manipulate truth so it was forgotten.
There was still people who practiced magic but without something more powerful to believe in, the world became a very dead place. Relevance and logic were placed above creating and having fun. People wore dark colors and similar hair styles. Days were dark. Everything was in order all of the time and never balanced with chaos. No one believed in a high power anymore and neglected their gratitude and service to God. All this was happening in the world and I knew why God had sent me back. It was now my mission to bring people back to the light and show them that magic is truth. I knew what I had to do but first I had to reveal myself and there was one person who I knew I had to face first before I could face the world. My daughter...
So, one day when she came home from school I was just there in the living room. The initial look in her eye was joy and that soon turned to pain and anger. She stormed out of the room and went to her room slamming the door. This wasn't starting off well. I followed behind her and went into her room. She started yelling at me asking me where I had been? She thought I didn't love her because I never saw her. She couldn't understand what was more important than being with her. She told me that I can't just waltz in her and expect her to treat me like a mother. She had to grow up under so much scrutiny and pressure because of who I was though her father moved them around when things got too heavy for her.
All I replied with was how much I love her. I told her what I had to do and that was it. I told her that I was always there when she needed me. She argued me this because obviously I wasn't physically there in the moments most significant to her life. She was hurting so much and crying. I simply took her hand and showed her glimpses of the past. I told her I was always with her when she really needed me and in seeing the past with her it was even revealed to me times I was here when I didn't realize it. Whenever I would come to see her she was normally asleep and crying and calling for me. I never reveled myself to her if she was awake because I didn't want her to have to see me leave. I made my presence known through feelings and holding her while she slept. I wiped her tears. If there was an event going on I wold see it if I could.
Showing her these images was a magical experience. She started to smile because she always knew I was there and had confirmation that she wasn't crazy. I then showed her some of the things I had to do while I was away and she understood. She was no longer angry and loved me...though it took some time for her to show it. She was still resentful and bitter but all this was understandable. She was also not happy with the news that she is not the only reason I came back to Earth. I told her I have to get people to believe in magic again. Though she was my child and her father raised her to believe in magic, she had trouble because of all the drama she had to deal with because of me. But when I showed her the things that I could do she wanted to do magic too and participate in the campaign. My lover was also excited about the new venture.
So I went public. I revealed myself to the world in all magical form and the world was taken aback. They were mystified and delighted not just by my presence but by what I could do. This wonderment didn't last long as the time of truth did not allow people to get lost in such amazing phenomena. I had to go around the world campaigning for magic. I sought out all of the magicians to began to show the world magic again. I had to convince everyone of the truth which is magic. Magic is truth. It's not an illusion. It's reality and can be in all our lives. I wanted to show the world how rigid and cold their living had become by only seeking truth and not living in the moment. I was thankful to have the power of the universe on my side because I knew I could conjure up anything I wanted and that it would take a huge magical event to make people believe again. This is where my dream ends.
This was the time of magic. And not the kind of rabbit in a hat magic or Harry Potter secret world magic. Real magic. Human beings finally started using their higher senses, intuition, and souls to create. Magic was real and a part of everyday life. We all had the ability to perform magic but there were some more powerful than others. I had magic, just like my entire family. My real family members, though not all of them, were in my dream. I was in a relationship with Narciso or someone who appeared to look like him. As I delved more into the dream I tried to turn it into him but I don't know who he this man was. I will call him my lover because we were together.
I was the apprentice to the head magician. This man was loved and respected by the entire world. He was one of our greatest spiritual leaders. We believed in him and he helped us all get closer to God. Everything in the dream seemed business as usual and magic was everyday life. I wasn't the only apprentice to the head magician but I was always with him, especially at the important events. I listened to everything he said and did everything he asked of me. I never thought I could actually get on his level one day but I aspired to do so. He had a tv special coming up and I was asked to be there to assist. He was going to be performing a new magic on a national broadcast.
Now just because the world was enlightened, doesn't mean evil didn't exist. I mean, for the most part the world was peaceful. There were still instances of violence and other crimes such as money laundering and other mafia like activities though most people had no idea this was going on, even me. There were also those who didn't believe in magic or chose not to practice it. Everyone was free to think and believe what they wanted and no one had to suffer for their beliefs. Poverty was almost non existent and man reverted back to simpler and greener ways of living. There was no war. Just peace, living, learning, and loving.
On the day of the news cast, there just so happened to be an exchange of some important item between two mafia groups. This was happening right outside of the news studio walls. In my hind sight analysis of the dream, I think the head magician new about all of this. His magic trick required us to go outside and we just so happened to exit the studio at the same moment the exchange between the two mob groups had gone sour. Guns were drawn and there was a huge shoot out. This was all being filmed as we were in the middle of a new magic debut on tv. Pretty soon the entire world was watching all of this unfold. I imagine most of them like myself had comfort that this wasn't going to go too far with the head magician there. He was so powerful he could disarm these men instantly.
There was one of the mafia guys who's face I can still see. He looked more nervous than anyone else and had his hand wrapped around something. He ended up getting shot and this object rolled from his hands as he fell to the floor. It was a very shiny stone, kinda grey in color. I could feel there was something special about it but it was still just a rock at that point. For some reason the head magician wasn't participating in this. You see, even though he and a lot of other people had the power to change things, sometimes life must run it's course. This was one of those situations in which he must stay on the path and not interfere. At least that was my guess. All of a sudden he emerged in the middle of the gun fire to grab this stone. I yelled for him not to go out there. He was then shot by random fire.
As he lay bleeding on the ground, I ran to him. He took my hands and placed the stone in them. He told me not to let anyone get their hands on this stone. That it was the source of all power in the universe and it must be protected from getting into the wrong hands. As I took the stone I could feel it's power but some of that power was locked. I wanted to say so much to him with tears in my eyes. He was a father to me and many. I loved him dearly. When it had been discovered that he was shot the gun fire ceased with pure silence and the mafia men started to pile away in cars. The head magician shouted for me to leave and I did. I fled as quickly as the mob goons, the guilty ones. Of course the camera footage recorded everything...
The world was in mourning and wanted retribution and answers. Most people assumed that I fled out of fear and grief but the more and more they showed the footage, I could be seen taking something from the head magicians hands. People started asking questions and formulating answers. Soon people began to look for me. I was already trying to stay out of public to protect the rock but it didn't help that I was wanted for questioning. How could anyone think I could play a hand in killing the most amazing person the world has ever known? That's exactly what the mafia bosses wanted people to think. Witnesses from the mafia who were there started using their influence to make people think that I killed the head magician in order to steal this stone. It soon became apparent to me that the mafia had more ties in the upper rankings of government than anyone had ever thought.
Where does the mafia come into all this? Well, in my dream I didn't find out how or why this one mob goon had come across something so precious. This goon was really clumsy and it's wonder he was trusted to carry something so valuable. It was just revealed that he had it. I'm not sure what the mafia exchange was exactly about. I kinda just stumbled upon that scene it in my dream so I have no background. Somehow his boss found out about this goon possessing an object that was worth all the money in the world. I can see the face of this boss very clearly in my mind as well. After finding out the stone possessed a great power there's no way he would give it up. He wanted to run the world. I'm not sure if the exchange was about the stone or not. I like to think it was. I also think sometimes that the mafia boss saw the head magician hustle to get this stone and maybe thought it was very important if the head magician sacrificed his life for it. The goon who had the stone was still alive and he revealed what he was told about this stone to his boss.
This mafia boss had a huge hand in the president's pockets and he convinced the president and the rest of the world that I killed the head magician. People were still so distraught and grief stricken that they believed this evil man. The mafia was after me because they wanted the stone and I soon became a suspect in his murder. No amount of money was spared in hunting me. I went into hiding. I knew I couldn't go home because that's where they'd look for me first. I decided to stay with my family bouncing from house to house. Before the mafia got involved the police came looking for me and searched the premises peacefully. After a manhunt for me was started courtesy of the mafia, things got violent. Men with guns started looking for me. My family would never sell me out. They were also really good magicians so they used a bit of magic to help the cause.
I should mention that as soon as I got the stone my magical abilities increased significantly. I could now do magic that took a lot more time, work, and energy before with ease. I didn't even have to conjure things up or use a spell. The moment I wanted to do something, I just did it. These new abilities came in really handy when I was fleeing for my life. The hunt for me go so bad that one day, in what seemed like a regular raid at my sister's house, things got ugly. I had to use my magic in defense of my family revealing not only my presence but my new power. I knew after that night I could no longer stay with my family or anyone that I knew.
I knew that I would be hiding forever. I couldn't show my face anywhere. My family and lover were being watched. I could hide amongst people by becoming invisible. This is how I saw my lover. He was being watched like a hawk and was getting flack from everyone around him about my whereabouts. He never stopped defending me and told the truth about the mafia which didn't sit well with them. I protected him of course because these were dangerous people. We were still together and I got pregnant as time passed. If I didn't have him I would have gone crazy and now I was going to have a baby. A daughter. Though the fires were starting to die down, my name was mud.
That is when God came to me. He said that I must do his work. It was time to leave Earth take on more urgent matters of the universe. I was to commit myself fully in service to God, which I of course had no problem doing. I did however think about how much I would miss my family but when God comes calling, there is no argument. God told me that if and when I completed the work he had for me in the universe, the power of the stone would be mine. I didn't necessarily do any of this to have the power. It's not something I wanted. I protected it after I had seen what it could do but I never got hungry for that power. I respected it and was grateful for it, even when I didn't fully understand it. He said I could return Earth to have my baby and leave her with her father. The universe was no place to raise a child I guess. As sad as it made me it was best. I left with God immediately. I only came back to have my baby and didn't see her again though every now and again while on mission I would ask if I could visit. I knew I was always connected to her.
This is where my dream really gets interesting. I saw and experienced things I have never seen before in any movie or read in any book. I was building, maintaining, and creating universes. I would create matter from the palms of my hands and make stars and planets. This was heavy work and took a lot of energy. I could make a rope that could wrap around a planet the size of Jupiter and fling it in space to move it around. This I could also do with my hands. I could grow 100 times the size of a planet and move them around like balls. There were natural disasters happening all over the universe; "fires" that needed to be put out. Stars would crash into each other or planets. Eruptions from what seemed like volcanoes on some planets. I could go into planets and create life there from a blank slate. I also policed problems that would arise from the many beings in the universe. Settling great wars with my presence or the stroke of my hand.
There were also great evils that needed to be battled but these were few and far in between. No one could take on the power of God. No one could ever rise up to his greatness. Evil will never EVER be equal to his love and power. He loves all things which is why I had this duty. From a human point of view the universe in a lonely place but I knew I had something greater to do. There would be times when I would just be still, waiting for the next task to come about. Sometimes in those moments I would think about Earth and my daughter. Anytime I asked I was allowed to see her. I am sure I could have asked more than I did but I always told myself this work is greater and she will be taken care of.
Time didn't exist where I was. Things just are. I learned so much about life and love and everything the universe had to offer. I mean, I had a pretty cool job. It was a very trusting job God bestowed upon me. And it wasn't that he couldn't do it himself or that he was too busy to handle. I was simply just doing the job. To have all the power in the universe was an amazing thing to experience. Space is endless. Something I also did while just being still and waiting for the next task was explore the universe. I should also mention that in the beginning of my job I needed a lot of help from god on how to do things. I was still so attached to that human part of me in some ways. After learning the ropes I could do things on my own.
There was also other servants who had other jobs. We were ethereal beings of light and love. We didn't socialize much while working but there was an abundance of joy and energy in their presence. In some of the great battles there would be all sorts of angels and light beings. All of this was so vivid in my mind and happening too fast. I wanted my dream to slow down I could process what was happening but it kept moving along. Soon God came to me and said my work was done here for now. That I had served well and that I could return to Earth. He said the Earth and your daughter needed me. When I heard the word daughter it was like a light switch was turned back on in my mind. Though my heart was always with her I was always so focused on my work. I was home in a flash.
It was night when I arrived to Earth, back in human form. I should mention that while in space I was mostly just a human figure of a light. I was just energy. Anywuzzle, the first place I went was to my daughter's room and there she was sleeping a little me! 16 years had passed since I left Earth. She was beautiful and I knew she could feel me there so I didn't want to wake her. In fact, I wasn't ready to tell her I was back yet. So I went to see he father in another room. There he was. I was happy to see him. He woke up and couldn't believe I was there. We took to each other and embraced. He never stopped loving me. He never dated anyone else. He became a journalist in order to expose the truth about what happened to me. I stayed at the apartment but still invisible for quite some time. I wasn't ready to show my face, especially in front of my daughter, just yet.
I wanted to catch up on what was going in the world. In three years after I left, the time of magic ended and time of truth began. My lover worked tirelessly to spread the truth about what happened to me and the time of truth helped that time come to be. Sadly too, however, the time of truth killed the time of magic. People stopped believing in magic after what happened to the head magician. There was no one there to keep it going strong and continue to move people toward the light. People felt deceived by magic and decided it was mostly illusion. People started creating truth serums. They started taking so much of them that spells were invented to create a truth lens over the eyes. magic was used only to be able to see the truth. Everyone had truth spells cast on them because they no longer wanted to be lied to.
Apparently after my man hunt, a few magicians got together to create this powerful truth movement. When more and more people started to see the truth thet discovered the existence of the mafia and how far it's hand extended into government dealings. People were outraged and demanded justice. The mafia people were hunted down and killed. For the first year after my disappearance, the mafia boss who wanted the stone gained much political world power by leading my man hunt. He had the power and influence he wanted without having the stone. He was on top until the people found out who he really was. His head was demanded and his head was delivered. The people also demanded that the president resign and that the people elect someone of honesty. This too passed. Once all the bad people were exposed through the truth, the world also realized that I was innocent and they mourned me.
I soon became just as famous as the head magician if not even more celebrated. I was his closest apprentice and his best. He trusted me with everything. There were times in my hiding where I was seen defending myself from being killed and captured by mafia goons. There was only little footage of this but the little footage that existed revealed my magical abilities. People held on to these memories to confirm my powers. I would have been next in line to take over the head magician's charge had I completed my apprenticeship so everyone rightfully saw me as the new head magician. Yet people felt so much guilt about hating me and hunting me down that all hope for magic had been abandoned. The time of truth movement was fueled by people's inability to decided what to believe. Magic didn't show them the truth and they knew magic could manipulate truth so it was forgotten.
There was still people who practiced magic but without something more powerful to believe in, the world became a very dead place. Relevance and logic were placed above creating and having fun. People wore dark colors and similar hair styles. Days were dark. Everything was in order all of the time and never balanced with chaos. No one believed in a high power anymore and neglected their gratitude and service to God. All this was happening in the world and I knew why God had sent me back. It was now my mission to bring people back to the light and show them that magic is truth. I knew what I had to do but first I had to reveal myself and there was one person who I knew I had to face first before I could face the world. My daughter...
So, one day when she came home from school I was just there in the living room. The initial look in her eye was joy and that soon turned to pain and anger. She stormed out of the room and went to her room slamming the door. This wasn't starting off well. I followed behind her and went into her room. She started yelling at me asking me where I had been? She thought I didn't love her because I never saw her. She couldn't understand what was more important than being with her. She told me that I can't just waltz in her and expect her to treat me like a mother. She had to grow up under so much scrutiny and pressure because of who I was though her father moved them around when things got too heavy for her.
All I replied with was how much I love her. I told her what I had to do and that was it. I told her that I was always there when she needed me. She argued me this because obviously I wasn't physically there in the moments most significant to her life. She was hurting so much and crying. I simply took her hand and showed her glimpses of the past. I told her I was always with her when she really needed me and in seeing the past with her it was even revealed to me times I was here when I didn't realize it. Whenever I would come to see her she was normally asleep and crying and calling for me. I never reveled myself to her if she was awake because I didn't want her to have to see me leave. I made my presence known through feelings and holding her while she slept. I wiped her tears. If there was an event going on I wold see it if I could.
Showing her these images was a magical experience. She started to smile because she always knew I was there and had confirmation that she wasn't crazy. I then showed her some of the things I had to do while I was away and she understood. She was no longer angry and loved me...though it took some time for her to show it. She was still resentful and bitter but all this was understandable. She was also not happy with the news that she is not the only reason I came back to Earth. I told her I have to get people to believe in magic again. Though she was my child and her father raised her to believe in magic, she had trouble because of all the drama she had to deal with because of me. But when I showed her the things that I could do she wanted to do magic too and participate in the campaign. My lover was also excited about the new venture.
So I went public. I revealed myself to the world in all magical form and the world was taken aback. They were mystified and delighted not just by my presence but by what I could do. This wonderment didn't last long as the time of truth did not allow people to get lost in such amazing phenomena. I had to go around the world campaigning for magic. I sought out all of the magicians to began to show the world magic again. I had to convince everyone of the truth which is magic. Magic is truth. It's not an illusion. It's reality and can be in all our lives. I wanted to show the world how rigid and cold their living had become by only seeking truth and not living in the moment. I was thankful to have the power of the universe on my side because I knew I could conjure up anything I wanted and that it would take a huge magical event to make people believe again. This is where my dream ends.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Wine, bikinis, dancing, laughter, and wine!
I have been having the most amazing summer having friends. You see, I'm pretty antisocial. I am a loner and I like it. I never seek out my friends, they seek out me. I never call someone up and suggest that we hang out. I'm not sure how to do that, really. Lol. Not trying to sound all arrogant about it, just observing that I never start friendships nor do I know how to maintain them.
It's really strange because my entire life I think I socialized out of convenience. Meaning people were around so we did things together. Since I am not around those people now, I don't do things with them. In fact, at the end of the day, I was perfectly fine not doing anything with anyone (I still am). What does it mean to hang out with someone? What does spending time with someone look like when it's not romantic?
The truth is that I have only ever spent time with people I was romantically or sexually involved with. I've never spent time with friends. All of my relationships ended after 5 years. My Chicas are the only survivors. My siblings don't count. I don't think I've ever wanted friends. I never put effort into having them. I remember trying that in high school once and I definitely quickly got tired of feeling like I had to do something to get people to like me. Good call.
Yesterday I went to the lake with my new clan (we need a name). We soaked up the sun, dabbled in the lake, ate amazing Indian for dinner and drank the night away while dancing in our bathing suits in a living room. It was fun. I didn't feel romantically lonely like I use to. Is this the purpose of friends? This is new to me. I am grateful. Even more interesting is that I get this feeling at 28! Lol. Finally.
It's really strange because my entire life I think I socialized out of convenience. Meaning people were around so we did things together. Since I am not around those people now, I don't do things with them. In fact, at the end of the day, I was perfectly fine not doing anything with anyone (I still am). What does it mean to hang out with someone? What does spending time with someone look like when it's not romantic?
The truth is that I have only ever spent time with people I was romantically or sexually involved with. I've never spent time with friends. All of my relationships ended after 5 years. My Chicas are the only survivors. My siblings don't count. I don't think I've ever wanted friends. I never put effort into having them. I remember trying that in high school once and I definitely quickly got tired of feeling like I had to do something to get people to like me. Good call.
Yesterday I went to the lake with my new clan (we need a name). We soaked up the sun, dabbled in the lake, ate amazing Indian for dinner and drank the night away while dancing in our bathing suits in a living room. It was fun. I didn't feel romantically lonely like I use to. Is this the purpose of friends? This is new to me. I am grateful. Even more interesting is that I get this feeling at 28! Lol. Finally.
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