Worth The Wait

I've had an emotional weekend. I suppose I am at times uncomfortable with my emotions. My family is in dire straights lately and I don't know what to do. I want to help. I don't want to be rejected or used. I do love my family. I don't like their lifestyle.

My stepdad had to get emergency surgery last week. He already has to take dialysis because of scarred kidneys. He somehow contacted a bacterial infection that has him bed ridden. Whatever is causing the bacteria incited the need for back surgery. He is in a lot of pain right now. I've never seen him like this and it was heart breaking. He is a strong and blessed man.

Of course my question is why and I can only come back to ye lifestyle. I helped my sister move some time in December I believe. Her house was out of control and soaked in dust, dirt, and urine from kids and dogs. I put my hands on this and it caused my body to break out very badly. I had a severe allergic reaction to this environment. That same night I went to my mom's house to sleep, but I couldn't sleep.

My mother's house is also a breeding ground for dirt but worse, she has bed bugs in her furniture. They crawled on me and bit me throughout the night. I couldn't sleep. In fact, I was so itchy and drakes out I left my mom's house very early for the airport. I ended up going to CICs house to be taken care of. That environment is no place for children and I worry about my nieces being there.

I haven't told my mom about what happened. My sister has tried to tell her but my mother was unresponsive. The last time I tried to help my family, it didn't go so well. Perhaps my methods are the issue. I feel bad. If something ever happened and I didn't speak up, I would feel worse. My mother. She just either doesn't get it or gets it and is too afraid of her emotions to see what's going on and do something about it.

I came to Chicago to visit my stepdad in the hospital. I only wanted to be here one night. I stayed at Courtney's because I will never sleep at my mother's apartment again. Sunday night my flights cancelled to MSP so I had to stay another night here. I really didn't want to. Especially since my housing options were limited. Staying at Courtney's wasn't bad except for the big tv and pot smoking. Sadly my best option.

Staying at Tiffany's was the only option I had because it was closest to the airport and bug free at the moment. Still kids dirty but not as bad as before. Oh, and my sister has the flu going around and wasn't trying to catch that. I'd take the flu over the bugs though. It's to the point where I don't even want to sit on my mother's couch. Nor did I want to sit my belongs there.

Last time I ended up taking a few bugs with me. I hope I haven't done that this time. I slept with a mask on at my sister's. Didn't breathe that well over there. Somehow I managed to get itchy hands and a few bug bites on me. I did sleep on the blow up bed from my grandmother.

I do want to go there and enjoy my family but they make it hard. My niece had scratches on her back and she casually said it's the bug bites. Something has for to change. They need to know those babies can be taken away if it's known that they are in this environment. Why doesn't anyone see the big picture??

I was not happy yesterday and lost about what to do and why I was still there. I got my soul lessons. My grandmother told me the importance of helping family and also asking for help from family. I have to try again. My race had too me that I can do anything. This is not impossible. I just can't do it alone which is what I tried to do last time. My siblings must support me. We have to do this together.

I was so upset about having to stay another night. This morning a I was leaving my sister's house I saw my brother Cory. He was getting out of a car. He looked sooooo incredibly thin. I haven't seen him that thin since grade school. I called to him, "Co Co!" He didn't recognize it was me at first. When he did he said come here. At first I thought, can't miss my bus but I'm glad I went over.

He gave me a hug. I don't remember the last time I got a hug from my brother. That moment may the entire weekend worth it. And I swear to you he healed me. He sensed my pain and assured me it would be ok like he always does. He will help me. My mother told me one day Cory and I would help her. I think that day has arrived.