I had interesting dreams last night. In one dream I was getting my old job with Compass back...let's just call that a nightmare. In another dream I was sexual partners with The Rock Dwayne Johnson and let's just say that's not the kind of brute sex I'd want on the regular. In another dream I was imagining the Unicorn telling me about several job opportunities she had and well, another one popped up today.
I woke up knowing I had to get out some emotional energy. I hadn't put my shield on in the past couple of days nor visited my special forest. I know I would have to do that today. I observed yesterday while editing my book for the 6th time that every time I read it I am taken back to my suicidal mind. CIC noticed the same thing as well. I felt like I needed to do some crying today. As I was setting up for meditation CIC comes into the room and asks me if we could meditate together. I have fantasized so much about us having a regular practice and well, it's coming to fruition.
I was looking forward to going into my place but I realized we needed to do this. I was looking for my quartz crystal and this weird green stone that I have so I could make a crystal grid. After I found them we started to meditate. At first I had the grid only in front of me and then I moved it between the two of us. The way our current meditation space is set up we have to sit adjacent to one another. One day we will have a dedicated room for yoga!
So as we got situated I could feel the energy from the grid but also CIC fidgeting so I decided he needed a guided meditation today and that I would go into my bubble later. I also benefited from this meditation. I lead him through the 4, 4, 6, 2 meditation that JC taught me except so hero pose or arm movements. CIC's practice will be very different form mine as his mental energy is vast and requires much concentration. I will be interested to see what places he reveals in his mind as his practice deepens.
The meditation was great and right when I thought I would be able to start mine our Unicorn called us on FaceTime. This beautiful soul! We love her so much. It was nice for us to talk with her this morning and she lifted our spirits. I told CIC that I would need to go through a huge emotional meditation today and he was just so welcoming to that. He would do anything for me. After our meditation I had a feeling in the back of my neck. MM says that's where the third eye chakra comes through.
I started to feel the tears coming and thought maybe I should do some EFT like JC taught me so I can process it. CIC left the room and came back in while I was getting started. I instinctively thought to keep this from him but when he came in it's like I realized EFT wasn't the tool for this today.
I then called my bubble which likes to come out now to theme music. It likes the song Jump in the Line by Happy Belafonte. Now I dance with my bubble and it shakes up for clearing and preparation. Before it was a very quiet experience and now it's quite ceremonial. Today I shimmied into the bubble...never done that before. It was fun. When I got in I immediately exhaled and started clearing. The music stops when I go in. Since I had the rose quartz on my chest it started to clear as well but I felt so much energy in my hand while this was happening. I bent my elbows and raised arms up. I could feel a triangle of energy between both hands and the crystal.
This crystal was healing me. I moved my hands over my face all the way down to my legs. My right pelvis area was disturbed yesterday and I wanted to heal it. Yesterday I felt the pain was just a reminder to clear up some things I had pushed back because it was overwhelming at the time. This morning CIC and I thought that because I was drinking this new green juice formula that it was moving things that had been sitting in my intestines.
After doing this weird thing with my hands I thought I was going to go to my forest but instead I went to the beach to see myself the night I wanted to die. Current me walked up to other me and took her hand. I felt how sad she was. All of a sudden more versions of me, the real me, the this life me started to come from all directions on the beach. All the way from new born baby Tracie to old lady awesome queen essence Tracie. Some Tracie's were holding baby Tracie's and kid Tracie's were holding other Tracie's hands, running around, some crying, some kicking sand, some wanting to help beach suicidal Tracie. That old Tracie is the shizpoo. She smells so good, has awesome style, and her hair is life giving! I can still smell her!
We all surrounded me on the beach. Current me told beach Tracie to look around. We are all here. I am you now and well, whatever this was on the beach didn't kills us. In fact, none of anything that has ever happened to us has killed us. We have all of us to go through the trials. Beach suicidal Tracie looked up Orion and wanted to go there so she hopped in the bubble and went. She could see all of us waving at her from the beach. She was comforted by all this. She came back to the beach and we all put our arms around each other and surrounded her in a huggle. It's a huddle that's a hug.
I then took beach suicidal Tracie to the forest and all the other Tracie's came too. We all played in the spring river and waterfalls. It was fun. While all the Tracie's played in the water, I took the rose quartz to the lady in the cave. She was fascinated with it but directed me to the catalog. The catalog in a digital library of my other lives. I went to the Tree and the tree wanted me to sit the rose quartz in front of it on the ground to lure our someone. It was a fun bunny trap and we enjoyed it. A couple people came out but the high priestess came out. I wanted to ask her so much and my concentration became compromised.
I wanted to know about the book and why it had empty pages. She handed the book to me only chest and I wrapped my arms around it. I looked at the pages and they were blank and then another language was there. I then saw I was wearing the rose quartz around my neck which made think of the other pendants. I saw a weird cross like thing on her neck but more like an ankh except it wasn't an ankh. There was a different language in the book and I called bullshit. Then I remembered what MM said about how I will get information when I am ready and the priestess confirmed this.
I asked about a book of magic spells and she said that's a different book. Blank pages exist for me to write on them. Information will be there when I can read it. I then showed her the stone and she lead me to the catalog and that golden white light being came toward me. We put the crystal between us and put our hands in the air. Integration was the word that came through. I looked to my right and saw "future" Tracie with the stone she put in her heart. I realized that all at once all those other Tracie's had integrated inside of me. I was integrated and more and more information comes every day at a rate that is safe to process.
I understood it all up until that point. There is so much more to learn. I let the light being in me and felt it. I took the book with me. All the Tracie's are inside of me. I left my place after I enlarged my bubble to clear it all. My bubble took me back to the dark room and well, we did our Shake Shake Shake Señora dance to clear. As I was leaving I went to the stairs and I started counting from 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, and at 8 I realized I was not going down stairs but going up. I looked down to my left and I could see the stair that lead out. So what set of stairs were these. I walked back down those stairs.
After I integrated with Tracie and received the book I felt some fear leave me. It was a strange feeling. So normally when something new like this happens I get afraid of it and my mind loses concentration but not this time. I had a genuine curiosity about what was up these stairs. So I decided to go back up the stair and somehow I knew I was going to be here but not here. It was another here. As I reached the 10th step there was an opening. Not a door per se but the same idea. I opened my eyes and I could hear the blender in the kitchen.
I have watched life like a movie before but this felt different. This felt like it wasn't mine. I am not sure how to confirm it but I knew I was in a different dimension. Very similar to this. I knew CIC was in the kitchen making a smoothie but I wondered who I would meet when I went outside. None of this felt like my life as I know it. My body even felt different. I listened to the sounds as I lied there. I took in the feeling and then I decided to close my eyes and go back to the dark place. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I looked up and saw others.
I immediately thought of the movie interstellar and wondered if my mind was only understanding things I was seeing this way because of what it had seen in that move OR if this was actually legit. If it was actually what I was seeing. I decided to go back down the only flight of stairs I had ever known up until that point and when I reached the bottom I was back to the reality that I know. I could feel my body different. I could feel CIC as I knew him. It was all very strange.
My energy was spent and I sat up slowly getting my bearings. I had wondered about what I just saw. I read a passage from my bible which is Soul Lessons & Soul Purpose by Sonia Choquette and took the lesson "appreciate for not dying" from it. I have not really appreciated that I didn't die that day by the ocean or any day before or after that. There was so much more for me to see and I dare that all that I saw in my vision today was there on the beach as well but I was so unaware that I couldn't feel it or see it.
I wrote about my meditation in my meditation journal and I always keep it brief. While I was meditating someone was texting me. I decided to look at my phone to read the messages and it was King Cole. He sent me a youtube video of a song called Archie, Marry Me. In this video I saw the weird looking cross thing that the high priestess was wearing on the back of a tarot card or other deck. The card was about the wheel of fortune. The woman mentions being in a bubble with her lover and well, that happened in meditation, my lover being me. Then the woman was on a beach but in the day time, much like I was but at night. Then there was another card. It was the high priestess card from the deck.
I was not surprised that King Cole sent me all this because admittedly after most of the trips I take during meditation I doubt some for it. King Cole always validates me. I am not sure how we pick on up these things and on what level. It's definitely not something I feel it's more of something I know. I texted him about what I saw and he says for some reason he knew I needed to see the video. After a trip to the bathroom to my morning poop I decided I wanted to see if I could connect with the rose quartz over my hand like a pendulum.
I was doubtful that it would move as I have seen it move for others but I kid you not that damn thing started to move in a circle all on it's own. I then went to show CIC what I could do with the rose quartz just for more validation of what was happening and then I had him do it and though his wasn't as exaggerated as mine he experienced it to. After all this I thought, I haven't had a session with MM this week but I need to tell her what happened. That has been my day so far...
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