Family Matters

On August 6, 2011 the internet at my house was not working well.  I spent most of my day unplugged which was nice but eventually logged on to Facebook in my normal zombie like way.  I was quite shocked to see the following two comment posted on my page at ten minutes apart. 

Dear not talking to family or should I say me your mom and Cory u took the time to write u should have just did it in person u are trying to be doctor Phil and Oprah we DON'T need intervention why all 5 of u all are GROWN 2 are married 1has 3 kids the raising part is over we can listen but can't make up your mind for u so not talking to us is not hurting us at all the sun still shines an the moon is still bright.

Pull your head out your ASS and get over it TRACIE the world DON'T evolve around u us got married with out are blessing but felt guilty an called your mom I think u are the 1 that needs INTERVENTION but will see soon in person to talk face to face.

Wow, seems like I really pissed someone off.  And not just anyone but my step father.  I was disappointed, hurt, shocked, angry, surprised, and sad when I first read it.  Puzzled as to who in their right mind, who knows me, would write such a thing on anyone’s wall.  I do not do facebook drama or drama in any other form.  These statements were embarrassing and hurtful.  I just couldn’t figure out why.  What was his motive?  Did my actions really justify such a response from him?  What did he hope to accomplish?

After being enraged on the phone with baby sister for a bit, I later saw that in this the universe has given what I wanted…in a very interesting way mind you.  I have been asking for communication with my family.  At the end of the second comment, he does say we will talk face to face.   After realizing I had received what I wanted from the universe, I felt peace and joy.  I chose not to respond to the comment.  I am taking the peaceful approach.  I immediately thought of the biblical saying, no weapon formed against me would prosper. 

I also firmly believe and have faith in the fact that God/Universe will never give you more than you can handle.  Even in the midst of your storm; the storm exists to shake your soul and make it stronger.  When doing PTW I received criticism and negativity in a way I had never seen before.  It made me strong.  I don’t let people outside of my life hurt me.   I don’t allow that.  However, when family criticizes you and is a source of negativity in your life, it weighs down on you more heavily.  Why?  Because it’s your family.  We are raised to love them no matter what.  We are brainwashed with the saying that blood is ticker than water.  

If other people through sticks and stones, you family has the ability to shoot AK47s your way.  They are connected to you on such a personal level.  They know things about you that other people don’t know.  Your mistakes.  Your shortcomings.   They know how to hit you below the belt.  They know some of your secrets and the right things to do to make you tick.  My family has always had a way of hitting below the belt as a defense mechanism and I have never enjoyed this nor liked participating in it.  There were times however when the bullying and name calling got on my nerves enough to show the attacker a piece of their own medicine.  In the end however, I have always been the peacemaker.  I will always be the peace maker and I don’t plan on changing it. 

My step dad learned the ropes by joining our family and in those comments he did not hesitate to try to hit me where it hurts.  Understanding this and knowing things about his soul, I chose to leave the comments on the wall knowing that he would soon see the error in his ways.  I wrote letters to my mom, grandma, step dad, and big brother to share some of my feelings with them, reassure them of my intentions in our relationship from now on, place myself and a resource for them, and to tell them I love them. 

I chose not to speak to them for several reasons.  One, I was too emotionally wound up to put my ego aside and let my soul speak and connect.  I knew that I lacked a bit of control and needed time to deal with my emotions.  I am famous in my family for speaking too emotionally to the point of crying in which they stop listening to me.  I know them and myself pretty well in that area.  Two, I felt like I didn’t have much nice to say nor did I exactly know what I wanted to say in the first place.  Three, the last time I spoke with my step dad he cursed me out and my mom had a yelling match with me as well.  It was clear to me that speaking to them wouldn’t gain much ground nor be a peaceful occasion.  Four, I needed to give them and me some time to cool down from the family meeting fiasco.

I have recently entertained being a life coach and starting an all around health magazine with the fish.  However, I can’t get pass the idea that if I can’t help my family, who can I help???

My Step dad has since apologized for what he did.  This is what he wrote on my wall:

I am very sorry I wrote that on fb.FB should never be use for that lesson learn learn lesson for life I know forgiveness is some where around the corner I can sk u for forgiveness again I AM TRULY SORRY I NEVER WANT TO HURT U TRA-TRA.

I knew that he would come around to seeing the error in his ways.  Now that he has apologized, I am going to have to pay a visit to the mothership landing to sort things out with my family once and for all.  Ideally, it would have been nice to do that before leaving for work but thus, I got in the way.  All in all, peace and new beginnings are just around the corner!  Success!