Today I had a 7-mile run and it was absolutely awesome. There are so many things that were awesome about it but the best of these was committing to pray for 7 miles. That was probably the most rewarding factor. In praying I was able to run for 6 miles without stopping or walking. That is my furthest distance yet. By praying, even when I hit a wall, I was able to overcome it. I decided to let my soul, not my flesh, run and wow was it powerful!! I talked to God and Jesus about so many things. Particularly the case for homosexuality which has troubled me heart lately and for so long now. I developed some great knowledge on it.
I read an article today about a christian man urging people to pray to God about homosexuality in order to find the answer they seek. It sounds silly enough not to think that I have never prayed about it. I only looked to books, personal experience of mine and of the people around me, and the bible. In my search to find the truth about whether or not it is natural and acceptable to be gay, I never thought I pray about it. Sure, I have asked God before how is it that the beautiful human beings I have met and called friends in my life are evil because they are gay? The answer I kinda got was that we are all made in God's image and that everything good and perfect comes from God. Some of these people are the most giving and earnest human beings I have ever met in my life so obviously, they come from God too and Jesus says we should love everyone unconditionally.
How is it then that some Christians just don't get this? I was to the point lately where I didn't want to be apart of a group of people who were filled with so much judgement and hate yet called them selves Christians. It definitely affected my walk with God in a bad way. I have never felt that I couldn't worship and love God and go around believing that LGBT people are doing nothing wrong, however it is contradictory to label myself as a christian and do such. Thus, I have abandoned that label for that reason and many others. Well, for that reason and because I also don't like labels. I don't like limitation. I like freedom and space. Openness. Even though I accept LGBT people there is something about that group that I discovered today that rubs me the wrong way.
I read another article today by a so-called former gay person (I kinda doubt the former part) that talked about how being Gay keeps you from God's truth and the kingdom of Heaven that lies within because of the promiscuity and lust involved. It was the first time I actually agreed a bit with an argument on how homosexually can be detrimental. However, I don't think it is a person's sexual preference that is the problem, I think it is the lust. And lust is something we are all affected by. When some people come out, they go on sort of a fucking spree. I don't think it's any different from straight people hooking up but unfortunately I think fornication within the LGBT community is overdone. I am sure LGBTs want to fall in love as much as the next person but from what I have seen from most of my friends, they have way more random sexual encounters than the straight people. This oversexed image does nothing positive for the gay community and that is the one of the reasons why people so quickly sexualize LGBT people and call it a lifestyle and choice, rather than nature.
In thinking about my gay friends, I thought about how many of them are truly happy with who they are and the truth is, not many. Most of them are pretty promiscuous too and most of people I know who are promiscuous, straight or gay, are not happy. They are living in the flesh as I like to call it and that does not lead to the road to happiness. Lust keeps you from a closer walk with your soul. It keeps you from loving yourself and others fully. It limits your life and can guarantee a trip back to Earth school until you learn not to live in the flesh. It tunes out your soul, the universe, and God. How can you find happiness while being shut off from those things? The truth is that you can't.
What is living in the flesh exactly? Well, living in the flesh is only doing things that are pleasing to the flesh. Now, that is a very broad definition and not all instances of living in the flesh will damn your soul. The seven deadly sins kinda come to mind when I think of this: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. When you give these things placement in your life, they take you further from God. You suffer and become depressed. Your soul becomes dormant and you fall into these things deeper because you are constantly searching to feel something. Those things are easy to feel so we desire them and eventually look for love in them. Most people who have given in to lust are looking for love in some form but don't realize they will never find it that way.
I discovered all this on my run today and thought about the immediate lustful reward from sexual encounters. So, I began to think of something that I love and sort of lust for: yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Now, please don't be insulted too soon that I compare cake to sexual lust. Just hear me out first. Now I love some cake. As an over taster, it surprises me everyday that I can tolerate such a sweet treat. (An over taster is someone with sensitive taste buds. It caused me not to eat when I was kid because food was too exciting in my mouth. I passed out a lot and skipped many meals. Glad to have a better relationship with food these days.) Now, I could probably eat a whole cake and I am not even a big eater. Just give me a cold glass of 2% milk and call it a day!
Now, cake has consequences as good as it is. It is one of my positive food memories and emotional foods. Cake is always associated with happy times so not only does it taste great for me, it makes me feel good too. But if I have too much cake, I jeopardize my health. Cake has little nutritional value, too much sugar, and will pack on the pounds quickly if you have too much of it. I have gone through times where I have eaten cake everyday. Those were stressful times. I don't get too exotic with cake either. I don't need fruit on it and chocolate chocolate cake is only good after a few bites for me and then its overwhelming. I willing admit that sometimes I lust for it. I have lusted for cake and sex and so I began to compare the two and well, I probably would choose cake over sex most of the time the freak that I am.
Is it a terrible sin to lust for cake? Probably not. The lusting is bad but is cake the devil? Hell no! Would I think it terrible to eat cake every now and again? Sure, moderation is the key in my mind when it comes to such a tasty treat. Does cake speak to my flesh or my soul? It definitely speaks to me flesh and it's one fleshy treat I am not ready to give up! Could my desire to eat cake ever hurt someone? Well, it depends on how far your imagination can go. I could steal a ten-year-old's birthday cake and eat it in his face. That might hurt. But in the end, the cake only affects me and I make a grown up decision about it.
What does this have to do with homosexuality? Well, the lust that we experience can be compared to having too much cake. At some point, if I eat too much cake, I put it before my soul/self love/God's love/etc. I get why some people go on fucking sprees the moment they are let loose. They finally want to feel good after feeling bad for so long and lust is an easy way to do it and maybe the most efficient. At some point, however, one must come out of lustful days and live through the soul. People will soon see how unhappy the lust was making them and try to find their way to their soul's light.
I have a gay friend who is going through that right now. He use to be a devout christian and struggled with his sexual preference. When he finally decided to give in to the urges inside of him, he had his play time. He stuck his penis in many holes and probably vice versa. Unfortunately he saw no place in the christian world for his soul as those around him told him he was damned. He has tried many times to deny this side of who he is but it has proven impossible, unhealthy, and sometimes deadly. How can he find the balance of continuing his walk with God and believing in what his christian bible says about who he is? They truth is that the lust has taken him further from his walk with God, not his homosexuality. He has not seen this yet and is still struggling. He doesn't realize that he can be who he is and God will love him none-the-less. He has to stop living in the flesh and start living in the soul! That is when his life will have meaning and he will find his true path.
How can we deny the flesh? Hmmm, this is where things get tricky because while living the flesh has it's downfalls, it also teaches us soul lessons. I understand why some Christians get fearful of the fate of LGBTs especially when they are related to them. It is scary to think that the souls of those we love and care about would burn in hell. Then again, that is some foolish ass thinking as hell does not exist. Also, there is a saying that goes, and they'll know we are Christians by our love. Well, the minute you stop loving is the minute you abandon your faith. I haven't seen many christian approaches in the media to welcoming LGBTs as divine children of God. Just some hate mongering. That shit really burns me.
I don't have the final say so in the fate of someone else's soul as we are all deciders of our own destiny. If I have some knowledge that may help another soul out, of course I will share it. But I will share it without judgement and ridicule. I will share it out of love. That is what God wants me to do. He wants to share what I know, what I feel. I have always been gifted in that area but never knew how to do. I am to show love, God's love. I am to share my knowledge in a loving way to help another soul follow his/her own path. I feel like a lot of my gay friends have abandoned their souls out of fear. They have been told that God hates them but the words "God hates" are not meant to be written together because God only loves. I want to be a voice for people who have felt unloved. I want to let people know that when you love yourself, doors will open for you. You will open those doors.
And what about the atheists? Well, in this lifetime, they have chosen an interesting path and it is not for me to say they are right or wrong. Their souls know what is true and right in the universe and they have soul lessons to learn in this lifetime through the path they have chosen in the same way I have chosen my path. They still have love from me and I still have love and knowledge for them. God bless.
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