Now that is something I have heard my entire life and I couldn't stand it. I was always labeled and teased for doing the right thing or the good thing. It bothered me at times but I didn't lose sleep over it. Something else I have been hearing for quite some time is that I am always trying to be right. Recently my husband and my new mentor accused me of this. Now, my mentor only recently came into my life and in just two conversations he accused me of this (and many other things). How is it that two people, one who barely knows me (as far as my ego is concerned) and my husband, who knows me the best, can say the same thing? Could there be some truth to this accusation?
I have never had that mentality. In fact, I am open to many points of views and being wrong. Is it my fault that most of the time, I am right? I am not the type of person who is unwilling to admit when I am wrong. If I am wrong, I want to be corrected. If I am misinformed, please give me the right information. I do not argue for the sake of being right, I argue my point of view and I am open to the view of others. I would describe myself as a truth seeker. Now, if I appear passionate or persuasive about what I am saying, what should I exactly do about that to make others feel comfortable? I feel like my actions are being misinterpreted. I feel like I have to clearly outline my intentions before I began to speak so other people can know my goal.
I asked Luis what it was that I do to make it seem like I am always trying to be right. He said that I interrupt him when he is speakin. Hmmm, sounds more like being rude but that is my opinion. My husband barely wants to disagree about anything. I can patiently listen to someone and then agree or disagree with them afterwards. I suppose that would help this situation. I have to admit this makes me angry. I asked him what else it is that I do and that is all he had for the moment. Hmmm, so if I just act like I am listening, then I won't give off the impression that I am trying to be right. That sounds like my ego talking I suppose. My point is that it bothers me that I give this impression. I am wise enough to know what what I think, how I feel, and what works for me does not work for someone else. I don't push myself onto other people. If you decide to open the flood gates then you should prepare for the possibility of getting drowned or at least really wet.
When my husband accused me of trying to be right, I turned out to be right. Was that the point? Not at all. I think for me since I knew I was right, I didn't feel like going through the motions of the back and forth. I guess the back and forth makes people feel like they are being heard. I guess I have to treat him like I treat my passengers. Oh, that's pretty fucking genuine. Honestly, all I did was keep asking him questions. Wanting more information is trying to be right. Do I keep searching for answers until I hear something that pleases me? I don't know. I don't think so. My intentions are to get the story before formulating an opinion. I also think that my husband and I get lost in translation sometimes.
I am not trying to be right. I suppose I could do better at listening to things I might not care to hear or that I disagree with. I suppose I could disagree on the inside and keep a cool face. Or just not give a shit. Either way, I'm over all this bull. I am going to sit back and watch for while. The idea of that makes me feel like I am wasting away.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Oh, and the beat goes on...
I just read an interesting point on The Daily Love about looking with the eyes of love and seeing communication as an expression of or request for love. That is such an awesome thing. The blog also went on to talk about hiding who you are from people. I suppose I have thought this whole that not telling The Fish what I truly believe was for her benefit and not mine.
Perhaps I am afraid to lose her and I never entertained that idea. I wouldn't want to lose her in my life as I know she is good for my soul. I haven't been fair in this. I am sure she has taken many risks in sharing herself with me. Telling me things she hasn't told anyone in her family probably. I remember feeling honored for her sharing herelf with me. I told I will never judge her yet I worry about her judging me.
At some point in the future I will share some personal things with her and if she really loves me, then I have nothing to worry about. If she is not who I know she is, then I will gracefully step back if it's better for her soul's journey. However, I a hoping that I am meant to teach her more soul lessons in my reveal. Thank you The Daily Love for all that you do in helping my soul's journey. I am grateful for The Fish in my Universe as well.
Perhaps I am afraid to lose her and I never entertained that idea. I wouldn't want to lose her in my life as I know she is good for my soul. I haven't been fair in this. I am sure she has taken many risks in sharing herself with me. Telling me things she hasn't told anyone in her family probably. I remember feeling honored for her sharing herelf with me. I told I will never judge her yet I worry about her judging me.
At some point in the future I will share some personal things with her and if she really loves me, then I have nothing to worry about. If she is not who I know she is, then I will gracefully step back if it's better for her soul's journey. However, I a hoping that I am meant to teach her more soul lessons in my reveal. Thank you The Daily Love for all that you do in helping my soul's journey. I am grateful for The Fish in my Universe as well.
Stuck In The Fish Tank
Blogging to blog. I am kinda bored right now. I am in The Fish's tank right now. I have been swimming around in here all week. I called in sick for one of my trips which I haven't done in over a year. I had a cold (kinda still here) and I will admit to being peer pressured into calling in sick. I am glad I did though. I am scheduled for 100 hours this month and not looking forward to it. I suppose I created that. I am definitely ready to sleep in my own bed, even if it's for one night. Speaking of my bed...
I don't miss my husband much these days when I am away from home. I like to get the break. I think that he is finally coming around to realizing some things about his life and that makes me happy. Realization with action however is what would be better. I think that is coming too. I have a feeling things are going to turn around with us. I am not sure where they are going to turn but it will be a quick turning.
Now although I just mentioned not missing him much when I am away, there are times when I am away from him that I want to be next to him. I want to hear him and smell him. I also occasionally think about having sex with him. It is a strange thing because I have had these thoughts within minutes of seeing yet when I see him, these thoughts just fade. They go away completely or I just go, eh, not today or maybe ever.
What is really my issue here? I am not exactly sure. I asked him what he wanted from me and he said my friendship. Made me feel like an asshole to think that I haven't even been there for him as a friend. He has been kind to me and still sweet. He does me favors. He helps whenever I ask and he never complains. Yet I am not that way with him. Maybe that is why I am upset toward him all the time. He is capable of something I am not: loving me unconditionally.
I think about unconditional love a lot lately. I wonder if it's even possible for us humans. I mean, that is what God wants us to really understand. And as soon as I think I have arrived at some point of unconditional love, something happens in the relationship that seems conditional, at least to my ego. A good example of that would be the relationship I have with The Fish. Sometimes it seems like we can be just so free with each but then there are times when I know to keep my mouth shut which in the past was for fear of judgement but now it's mostly to keep the peace. I feel like she only knows one side of me.
I haven't had many friends who I have shown myself to completely. In fact, I would say Chica and my husband right now are the only two people who know who I am. My ex had some idea but he has missed out on the evolution of my soul and thank goodness! Sometimes I think about letting The Fish in but then I fear maybe she is not ready. She is still too judgmental and is slowly letting go of some that as she takes risks in her life. She has been too hard on herself her entire life and she has projected that onto what she thinks, feels and how she treats other people. I am guilty of having done the same thing to that extreme at some point in my life. However, I realize now how so much more freeing my life is without being concerned with what other people have going on. Attempting to love unconditionally.
Yet it seems I have set up some conditions for my husband that I even excuse in people who mean much less to me. I guess I feel I have more stake in his soul's journey than that of other people's. It is so interesting how I come here to blog and blogging just answers my questions or helps me to figure out the real issue. Yet, even when I do find the answer or know how I should behave, I seem to be lacking enthusiasm. It's like Solution (Soulution): Love husband Unconditionally. Oh, ok, cool. Then I do it and it's lack luster. I can decide to be happy about it but it always seems so fake when I do that. What will it take to get the excitement back? Why doesn't he excite me anymore? Did he ever? Was I in love with his country and circumstance? Did he create that I was in love with the idea of him and not actually who he is (he would say over and over again that I didn't love him, just only the idea of him)? I know that is not true. It has always been him. Just him.
I don't miss my husband much these days when I am away from home. I like to get the break. I think that he is finally coming around to realizing some things about his life and that makes me happy. Realization with action however is what would be better. I think that is coming too. I have a feeling things are going to turn around with us. I am not sure where they are going to turn but it will be a quick turning.
Now although I just mentioned not missing him much when I am away, there are times when I am away from him that I want to be next to him. I want to hear him and smell him. I also occasionally think about having sex with him. It is a strange thing because I have had these thoughts within minutes of seeing yet when I see him, these thoughts just fade. They go away completely or I just go, eh, not today or maybe ever.
What is really my issue here? I am not exactly sure. I asked him what he wanted from me and he said my friendship. Made me feel like an asshole to think that I haven't even been there for him as a friend. He has been kind to me and still sweet. He does me favors. He helps whenever I ask and he never complains. Yet I am not that way with him. Maybe that is why I am upset toward him all the time. He is capable of something I am not: loving me unconditionally.
I think about unconditional love a lot lately. I wonder if it's even possible for us humans. I mean, that is what God wants us to really understand. And as soon as I think I have arrived at some point of unconditional love, something happens in the relationship that seems conditional, at least to my ego. A good example of that would be the relationship I have with The Fish. Sometimes it seems like we can be just so free with each but then there are times when I know to keep my mouth shut which in the past was for fear of judgement but now it's mostly to keep the peace. I feel like she only knows one side of me.
I haven't had many friends who I have shown myself to completely. In fact, I would say Chica and my husband right now are the only two people who know who I am. My ex had some idea but he has missed out on the evolution of my soul and thank goodness! Sometimes I think about letting The Fish in but then I fear maybe she is not ready. She is still too judgmental and is slowly letting go of some that as she takes risks in her life. She has been too hard on herself her entire life and she has projected that onto what she thinks, feels and how she treats other people. I am guilty of having done the same thing to that extreme at some point in my life. However, I realize now how so much more freeing my life is without being concerned with what other people have going on. Attempting to love unconditionally.
Yet it seems I have set up some conditions for my husband that I even excuse in people who mean much less to me. I guess I feel I have more stake in his soul's journey than that of other people's. It is so interesting how I come here to blog and blogging just answers my questions or helps me to figure out the real issue. Yet, even when I do find the answer or know how I should behave, I seem to be lacking enthusiasm. It's like Solution (Soulution): Love husband Unconditionally. Oh, ok, cool. Then I do it and it's lack luster. I can decide to be happy about it but it always seems so fake when I do that. What will it take to get the excitement back? Why doesn't he excite me anymore? Did he ever? Was I in love with his country and circumstance? Did he create that I was in love with the idea of him and not actually who he is (he would say over and over again that I didn't love him, just only the idea of him)? I know that is not true. It has always been him. Just him.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Many Versions of Love
Oh my Lawd! I just got done reading my last post and I did indeed go H.A.M. which is hard as a motherfucker. Boy, was I upset with myself. Here is the thing. I took vows to support my husband and now I am upset that I have to actually do that. The other day while talking to the Fish, she said a sentence that has been on my mind since the words came out of her mouth. She said, love is a decision. Now that shit really blew my mind and I have been thinking about it ever since. Is it true? Is love a decision? I mean, I accepted that love is an action and you have to decide to act but a decision. I mean, that takes it a step before action. You see, I thought love was triggered by a feeling and that love is acting on that feeling. But a decision is a mental process. I will blog about that later. Right now, let's talk about love and it's many versions.
Love as an action alone is not so hard to understand. In the beginning of most of our lives we see love performed through our parents and caretakers. People perform action that make us feel special and we associate that special feeling with love, thus love is defined. We are shown what love looks like and how it is done. When these love actions are performed they make us feel something and I believe that is how love is initially thought of as a feeling. We like the feeling it gives us and most of us decided after that to show love and want love from others. But what kind of love are we seeking or what kind of love finds us? There are many versions to love.
Love Basic
I will call the initial love we experience, Love Basic. Love Basic is the love you experience from parents or caretakers and other family members. To avoid getting too deep into categorizing the love you receive from grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc. I will just say that within the Love Basic or LB range you can place grandparents are LB2, siblings at LB5, cousin at LB7, etc. etc. I really don't care the order of these love versions too much. I just want to note that it's easier to experience love with and for grands, aunts, and uncles than your siblings and cousins. Those people don't fall in love with you immediately when they meet you as the adults in your life. It is also easier to sever relationships with those individuals than the adults in your life.
Although I am classifying Love Basic as a family love, it doesn't mean that any other version is more important, extreme, or fulfilling. All of these love versions are different. In fact, it is LB that influences how all the other versions of Love will come into your life. For example, I didn't grow up with my dad directly involved in my life. He was what you would have classified as a dead-beat dad. I saw him a few times a year. When I saw him it was great, I mean, aside from one time he had to go to rehab for drug abuse, all of my memories of him are great ones because they are so few. However in hind sight, I do realize I was on a mission to receive Love Basic from my dad and if I couldn't get it from him, I could get it from some other man.
Now, when I say this, I don't want you to think I was looking for a father figure. I was looking for a man to love me and give me love my dad didn't give me. Any love would have been fine. I realized when I was 17 that I was looking for my dad in other men, I was looking for love from other men because I never got it from him. My sisters did the same thing except they didn't realize for a long time that this is what they were doing. When I realized this, I decided to stop trying to replace the LB love I didn't get from my dad. Having great LB love from a mom and a dad figure is important in the development of your Love Journey. Love Basic can really screw a person up if you are not loved in a positive way, you never receive it, or you are abused in some kind of way. It is vital to the journey. It is the foundation of Love on Earth.
Even though LB comes first, it is not the easiest version of Love either. In fact, for some it may be the most difficult. I mean let's face it, you feel like you have to love your family but you sure as hell don't have to like the folk. And when you don't like someone, it makes it that more difficult to love them. Oh and when you love them, you hate to see them struggle or make mistakes. You may react to this is a scared, controlling, or helpful way. When someone in the LB category falls, you feel the brunt of it. You are either more critical or you hold you tongue. You will sacrifice your last for the LB people or you will show them tough love and let them figure out how to get out of their own mess. What kind of Love Basic did you receive in your life? When you think back to it, do you see how it affects the way you love others now? The way you love yourself? The way I was shown love growing up has definitely affected me and affects how I am loving my husband right now.
So, what is next in the Love area? Well, I would say after Love Basic, you discover that you can love other people who are not your family. This initially comes from friendship. Now when we are kids, we may not see how we show love to our friends but if you think back to you first friendships, the way you showed love to them stems from how you learned Love Basic. But love between friends is not the same as the love between family. For some, loving friends can be easier or more difficult than loving your family. Most people feel obligated to a relationship of love with their family: we grow up thinking we can't choose these people. However, we can choose our friends. For people with crazy families, it a good time to find people who are not insane.
Love Playful/Chosen
I will call love with, from, and to friends Love Playful/Chosen/. You get to choose your friends though I know some folk probably feel like they didn't have a choice in choosing these people. Now, I have a unique view on this because I grew up the third of four kids, eventually seven, and the first four of us were all one year apart in age (not the last three). I thought, I don't need friends because I can play with my siblings. That worked for most of my childhood until we became teenagers and desired a different kind of love if you know what I mean. I don't have many friends and learning Love Playful/Chosen is late lesson for me.
This is such an important lesson in love and play. Every version of Love is important and none of these stages should be disregarded. I suppose some people who's LB gets screwed up may find LP/C either really easy or really difficult. Either way, we have to learn this LP/C and understand also that while we learn how to do LP/C from LB, they are very different versions. You can't seek LB you get from a mom from a friend. It just doesn't work that way in my opinion. We find early on that while LB seems unconditional, there are some things we would think twice before telling our parents that we could tell our friends. The consequences are different.
We learn to love friends, regardless of our differences, because of the unconditional love shown or not shown to us with the LB experience. Everything we learn from Love Basic gets transfered into Love Playful/Chosen. LP/C is evolution of LB and they both influence each other. Also, LB gets deeper and stronger as a result of LP/C. LP/C can even betray you and make you run back to LB because you know it will be there. In fact, there are many people who give up on LP/C because it is not natural, must be earned, and takes a lot more time, work, money, etc.
This makes me think of individuals who define themselves are homosexuals yet revealing their nature to their parents could take away the LB they have known all their lives. There are many parents who disown, abandon, and abuse their children when it is revealed that the child is homosexual. That is very weak LB. Since the LB is so weak, the children may find that LP/C is a lot easier. This is an example of how bad LB can send a person running to LP/C. Not to say that the LP/C is better and that you can have life without LB. LB is necessary. Some LP/C experiences run so deep that they turn into LB. Perhaps any version of Love can turn into LB. Perhaps all of our attempts at love are to achieve a status of LB. Then again, some LP/C experiences are casual and that is ok to.
I believe we are constantly seeking love stronger in our lives which is why LP/C does not cut the mustard for some people. Either LP/C holds us down for a while, or, ever since LB we have been on a quest to find the kind of love that seems written on our souls, our destiny, our love match, our kindred spirit, the one kind of love that we think is truly unconditional. As we get older, our bodies desire...different things...if you know what I mean. There is a type of love that you can not only feel in your heart and mind, but on your body. For most people, the desire for this love gets intensified as puberty makes its debut into our world. Now, a lot of people could experiment with LP/C to satisfy this new desire of Love but it will fall short.
Love Romantic
Therefore the next Love version is Love Romantic. Yes, as a child, your family can make you feel special by doing special things for your like having a huge birthday celebration for you. At some point though, you want to feel special in a different way. There is something in your sexuality that wakes up and says, I want to feel special there too. You want to "fall in love" with someone or feel something that touches you. You want to be touched now and well, you can't very well be touched by someone in the LB category in this society. Now I know for a lot of you "falling in love" with someone is as much about who the person is as it is about sex but let's be serious, even for the strong individuals who resist physical temptation until the wedding night, sex is still the biggest part of Love Romantic or LR.
I am sure your sister is a great person or that your brother may possess absolutely everything you would want in a romantic partner. So why not just engage a in a romantic relationship with someone in your family? It is because you are not allowed to be sexual with them? Maybe that is keeping it too real for some of your or being too blunt. Please, ask me if I care. Sorry but you can't do the nasty with family which is why we seek LR. I really thought deeply about whether LR was about more than just sex. I definitely think that finding someone to experience LR has a lot to with other facets of love and are similar to LB or LPC but you don't involve sex in those relationships. And by sex I don't want you to just think of intercourse. Sexuality is more than just the act of having sex. It's about acknowledging the urges of who you are physically, you physical human self, and being able to share that with someone else. To deny who you are sexually is not living a full healthy life. Sexuality is healthy. God knew what he was doing. If you are a nun or a preist, kudos to you for the life you have committed to. That is was not the path for me, however, and for millions of others.
Truthfully when we first begin to daydream about LR it starts off with being romanced. Someone makes you feel special. You imagine spending time with someone who makes you laugh and smile. This person is attractive and knows everything about you. You envision excitement. You want trust, communication, honesty, and stability. And after you have imagined all that, you begin to imagine sharing yourself with this person physically and that is really what LR is about. Perhaps when you fantasize about LR you don't want it to be a sexual thing. In fact, you thoughts may never lead to that direction. Right now I want you to think of one LR experience in which sex with someone is not involved NOR does the future LR experience hold a guarantee for a sexual relationship. If there is no sex now or in the future, it's not LR, it's LB or LP/C.
When I was child, I fantasized about LR like most other little girls I knew. I wanted to get married at 18 and start having kids at 21 after finishing college. Sad that most little girls get trapped/brainwashed into daydreaming about this all day but it was fun and innocent then. I also thought about being able to make love to my future husband even though I didn't really know what that was. I did know this however, I would not have sex with this person until I was married. Even though sex was put off in my mind until marriage, it was still LR because without the desire to want to be sexual with the person, wouldn't I just be fine with some good ole LB or LP/C? In fact, how is it that I even wanted LR before I knew what it was? Was it because I saw it on television and in other people's lives? What did I really know at age seven about wanting to be sexual with someone? At what point does LB really turn into LR?
Love Romantic is great! It feels good, right? It feels in a way that the other versions do not feel and for the most part, in a committed monogamous relationship, that physical love will be around when LB and LP/C are not. Some people marry to experience LR the rest of their lives and some folk continue in LB relationships. For example, some people never leave home where LB is so filling, LR doesn't seem necessary. I am sure there is reason why some souls take that path and because it seems possible to have a filling life without LR, I am not sure if it is a necessary path for all souls. In that token, there are other versions of love that may or may not be necessary for the love journey.
Love Produced
I think for a lot of people Love Romantic is the finale. It is the end all be all. It is all they think they need to seek in life and all some people ever want. Then again, there is more to love of course. Everything in life is about love. Love is why we are here so naturally there are other versions of it. The next version I can think of would be Love Produced or LP. There are many similarities between Love Produced and Love Basic yet there is something more automatic about Love Produced. Love Produced is the Love that is experienced from having children or other lives to care for. Most people claim to immediately "fall in Love" with their children as soon as they leave the womb. This is probably the best example of love at first sight. Love at first sight is generally only spoken about for LR, however most people question if it really exists. People however rarely question a parent saying it was love at first sight after a child or other living creature enters their world. I say living creature because animals have the same effect on some people. It is also important to note that parents whose children are not biological still experience LP and love at first sight.
Some people are not meant to be parents and don't want to be. There are some people also who feel like their existence wouldn't be complete without the LP experience. Whatever your soul's journey, that is fine. Not everyone is meant for LP and for some, LP is learned. I am sure there are some people out there who did not experience the "love at first sight" phenomenon with their kids or pets and that is ok too. It is still LP love however because we produce these experiences in our lives. Maybe in some cases, the responsibility of caring for the life of someone else got thrusted upon you and it's not an exciting thing. Either way LP made it's way in, it is there to teach you so many wonderful things about love that the other versions just can't do. Although LP is family related, LB is something you get born into and it teaches you love in a different way. Most of what is learned in LB can finally be understood when LP makes its into your life.
I don't have children...yet. I know I will be a mom. Just not anytime soon. I also have known that I wanted to adopt when I have the means to support individuals who need to be taken in. The only LP I have experienced is through my cat Onyxia and let me tell you, it wasn't love at first sight, lol. It was more like, I have a feeling about this one which is why we adopted her. I began telling her immediately that I loved her, even before I truly did. I felt it was important to do that. Most of our pets don't need much to be shown love. Food, water, shelter, a place to defecate, play time, and physical affection seem to sum it up. But what does it take from you to provide those things other than money? I have learned so much about who I am through my cat and she has shown me how to love in a way that I had never experienced before.
Love Self
So, there is a version of love that involves a piece of each of the afore mentioned and it is the MOST important of all these. Love Self or LS is with you your entire life whether you realize it or not. The saying that you can not love someone else properly if you don't love yourself is so true. It is one of the only truths. Here you are loving your whole life through LB, LR, LP/C, and LP and in walks LS. Some of you may be thinking, I love myself. Is that really true? Do you treat your self with the same amount of love you show to your loved ones? Do you know what it means to truly love who you are? Did you ever think about falling in love with yourself? When we experience LB, those individuals involved who are taking care of you are teaching your to love yourself.
In order to really touch in LS, we much touch on the action of Love in LB. What does LB look like? When you are child, you don't really see in the beginning the reason why our caretakers and family treat us the way that they do especially when it comes to things like eating your vegetables when you are not a fan. When someone provides shelter, food, and water for you, it is an act of love, even when it's not executed in a way that would seem like it. Those a basic things that should be provided to us upon entrance into this world. We don't question it for the most part, it because an expectation and a way of life.
After the food, water, and shelter there is cleanliness. These caretakers show us LB by cleaning us when we truly can't clean ourselves as babies but they also teach us how we should clean ourselves. How is teaching someone how to wipe their ass and brush their teeth love? Well, you tell me what will happen to your body when you neglect to take care of those things? Sickness is a result of a lack of self love. At the time, maybe your mom seemed like a pain in the ass to make you eat your broccoli, chew your food well, or brush your teeth before bed but she was teaching you how to take care of your health and taking care of your own health is self love. Brocoli is a wonder food and so great for your health with many vitamins and minerals. Chewing your food well prepares it to be digested efficiently in the body. Good dental health affects the rest of your life; what happens to a dirty dish that never gets cleaned? Do you want that to happen in your mouth? We need to eat and good eating needs healthy teeth!
Doing your chores and keeping things clean teaches you how to maintain a healthy environment. Have you seen any healthy people on that show Hoarders? I don't think so and that is not self love. When you love yourself, you maintain good health in your body and your environment. All of those things teach us responsibility and taking ownership for your actions is self love. It's not just about the basic of human needs but the lessons our caretakers teach us, the reason why they didn't let us pout and shout and kick and scream wehen we didn't get what we wanted. I know some parents seems to be acting out of fear but for the most part, it's love. They love us enough to teach us how to love ourselves because they know they will most likely not be around us our entire lives.
I could go on and on about the Love value in all of our experiences as children and how they teach us to love ourselves. Taking care of basic human needs sets you on the open road to LS on a deeper level. All of those things your parents were teaching you or maybe yelling at you about were to teach you how to love yourself. They know it's challenging to do this so they use many different methods of parenting to get this message to you. Some kids rebel against their parents' methods in extreme or subtle ways. We hate to admit our parents or caretakers were right about some things but they just were. Whether they realize they are teaching you LS or not is not important. What is important is for you to understand how to do it and to eventually experience LS on a deeper level than your caretakers could have ever shown you.
There are some people who didn't have LB shown properly in the ways I have mentioned and for those people I say this to, you are a strong soul and it was not apart of your soul's journey to experience LB in that way. I know it sucks, but you can read some other blogs I have about how we came to be on Earth in the first place that may provide you will a better understanding of your own path. My heart sincerely goes out to individuals who have experienced abuse and neglectful caretakers. Children are really innocent and have a connection to the soul that gets lost as we get older. Please take comfort in knowing life will never give us more than we can handle. Only the bravest of souls pick debilitating circumstances in life.
The easier way to self love is to start taking care of your physical health. When you commit to good health and only putting healthy things in your body and maintaining physical fitness, somehow the body just begins to reveal who you are. You begin to start dealing with issues you either didn't know existed or things you didn't even think needed to be worked on. I have to tell you that for some people who are all boggled up, stressed, and worried all the time, taking care of your health will make you a little crazy. There is no warning given when you decide to embark on the road to health. No one says, BEWARE!! LOVING YOURSELF IS CHALLENGING AND SCARY. I am sure that is not the case for some people but it definitely is the case for me. There is also no warning about how your ego will put up a damn good fight to hold on the way it thinks is the easy way of living: burgers and french fries.
Taking care of the physical opens the door for your emotional, financial, mental, and spiritual well being. Not everyone who appears to be in great physical shape is on the road to LS. When you love everything about who you are you experience unconditional love in a way you have never experienced it before. Loving myself unconditionally is such a challenge for the person I use to be. Everything I did wasn't good enough. If I continue to hold myself to that standard, I will never learn LS and neither will. Unconditional love means not worrying and stressing about things. Loving yourself transcends the physical. Loving yourself sees fear as an opportunity to advance your soul. Of all the Loves I have mentioned, this is the most important one.
Love Selfless
LS opens your awareness but it is not the end all be all. Remember when I mentioned you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. Well, when I said that I wasn't really talking about loving your family, friends, and life partner. I was talking about strangers. People on the street you don't even know. This is Love Selfless of LSL. And now to really twist things up, I am going to say loving yourself unconditionally leads to loving others unconditionally and that loving yourself is the same as loving others. Huh? Ok, so when you see how much it takes to truly love yourself wholly and abundantly, you will know what it takes to love the stinky guy at the bus stop.
Think about it. When you stink, how do you treat yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you treat the stinky guy at the bus stop? Do you make faces at yourself? Do you judge yourself harshly inside but don't show it? Is your funk justified? Do you feel sorry for yourself? Is your stinkiness superior or inferior to the guy on the bus stop? Can you immediately take action to get rid of the stench? How do or would you feel if someone got a whiff of your stinkiness and reacted to it for others to see? How would you feel if they started laughing about it, telling others about it, or put you stinkiness on display? As if it wasn't enough that you had to deal with it, now you are affecting other people. What does body odor have to do with love? The body odor is the judgement you are putting on yourself and the stinky guy at the bus stop. In fact, in LSL the stinky man at the bus stop is just another human at the bus stop. Better yet, the other human at the bus stop is a soul just like you with his own soul's journey and since you understand LS so well, you know how to show LSL to this other soul.
Do you find yourself getting so upset about things other people say or do? Have you ever questioned why it gets to you so much? Did you ever think that it was a projection of an area in which you could love yourself better and thus be able to love someone else unconditionally? It is not easy getting to a point where you can look at EVERYONE in your world as a divine child of God that you should love in the way you should love yourself. In fact, just convincing yourself that the idiotic actions of another individual are not idiotic actions but events that we all experience in our soul's journey to love and that we should have unconditional LSL for these souls is one of life's biggest challenges.
For those of you who can't exactly see how this may relate in your life here is a better way to put it. It is like being a Muslim in this lifetime knowing that your faith is what works for YOUR soul and accepting that Judaism, Taoism, Christianity, or Buddhism works well for the soul's of others and that is not for you act out in disagreement to their choice, but to give unconditional LSL to those individuals and appreciate the decisions those souls have made to learn their OWN soul lessons. Now do you see why LSL is on a higher level and is directionally proportional to LS? Are you there yet? I admit that sometimes when I walk down the street or when I am at work and see people just acting stupid, it's hard to say, that is a divine child of God and I love this person but I have to. I will say that when I do get into this state of being, I have the most peaceful days and nights. This is where we all need to be.
Love Eternal
There is only one love that is with us in life as in death and that is Love Eternal which is the love we have from God/The Creator/The Universe. It does not matter what you believe what name you have given to God. God's love is given to you whether you believe in God or not. And when I say believe in God, I mean belief in the existence of a Higher Power. Where does that leave athiests? As long as an athiest lives a good life that brings no harm to others and or acknowledges that he/she has a soul then I really don't have much else to say on the matter. Either way, per LSL, it is not for me to determine or judge the athiest, only to love the athiest.
I learned a several years ago that life is about love and love is reason we are here. I understood that everything we do is about love. All of our actions are about love. Love of people, love of self, love of money, love of food, love of sex, love of rain, love of television. Love comes into play in every aspect of our being and we are here to learn things about love as they relate to our soul's journey. Even things that do no seem so pleasant like war, hunger, depression, and pain relate back to lessons in love that we all may have to learn at one time or another. Sometimes in the case of the negative things, it is a lack of love that is the cause of the negativity. People want something they can feel and hold and we attach love to those things. Love in the physical is easy to discuss and identify with like a cupcake or a dog but what about LE? Love Eternal can be felt but not necessarily in the physical. In fact, it is felt on a soul level and when you have let your ego run the show for so long, it is this love that seems the hardest of all the versions to connect to.
Is seeing believing or is feeling believing? If you had a choice right now between seeing love and feeling love, which one would you choose? Maybe some people who don't know what love feels like and would want to see it first just to be sure it's something they want. After seeing love, I imagine most people would want to feel it. It seems like the order of things. We see love being done when we get here in LB and eventually we want to feel it more and more though LP/C. We then realize we can literally feel it through LR or LP and since our humanity is so readily available to us, it seems like the peek of all love. Yet there are souls in these bodies and there is a love we can feel love on a deeper level beyond the physical. To take it even further, deep LB, LPC, LP, LR, LS, and LSL are all related to LE and can not exist without it. Think about it, I talked a lot about how love is shown to us through all of those versions but where do you think all of that developed? There is a love blueprint written on each of our souls through LE and it is what guides us through life and love. How do you think people who never receive any LB can experience any of the other love versions?
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the magic of LE. There have been so many times in my life in which LE has stepped in and saved my ass. I learn something everyday about how infinite it is and it can be overwhelming. I don't know about other people but there have been times when I would think about how wide and expansive the Universe is and all the life that exists within it and feel so minuscule and insignifiant in this world. Hell, I thought why would I be loved when there is so much else going on around me? To have the knowledge that God/The Creator/The Universe has a reserved abundant, eternal, and infinite love for me can be a scary thought...but it is a powerful thought. It is the thought that can keep me up at night yet comfort me when I can't sleep. Everything I have ever looked for can be found here. Once I have this love, all the other versions of love will find their way to me if it what I want and need in this lifetime.
Are you open to LE or any other these other love versions? Are you ready to welcome love into all areas of your life? Do you love things that will not come with you when you leave this world? Have you ever asked yourself why you have loved these things? Have you ever asked how these things affect your soul and light? Every thing we do is about love! All of our actions have something to do with love. And while most of what I have written has to do with loving living things, we have love for things that are not living. It is not bad to love a car or watch. What we have to understand is why we have attached love to these objects in the first place and how these objects affect our soul's journey. God Bless
Love All
Love as an action alone is not so hard to understand. In the beginning of most of our lives we see love performed through our parents and caretakers. People perform action that make us feel special and we associate that special feeling with love, thus love is defined. We are shown what love looks like and how it is done. When these love actions are performed they make us feel something and I believe that is how love is initially thought of as a feeling. We like the feeling it gives us and most of us decided after that to show love and want love from others. But what kind of love are we seeking or what kind of love finds us? There are many versions to love.
Love Basic
I will call the initial love we experience, Love Basic. Love Basic is the love you experience from parents or caretakers and other family members. To avoid getting too deep into categorizing the love you receive from grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc. I will just say that within the Love Basic or LB range you can place grandparents are LB2, siblings at LB5, cousin at LB7, etc. etc. I really don't care the order of these love versions too much. I just want to note that it's easier to experience love with and for grands, aunts, and uncles than your siblings and cousins. Those people don't fall in love with you immediately when they meet you as the adults in your life. It is also easier to sever relationships with those individuals than the adults in your life.
Although I am classifying Love Basic as a family love, it doesn't mean that any other version is more important, extreme, or fulfilling. All of these love versions are different. In fact, it is LB that influences how all the other versions of Love will come into your life. For example, I didn't grow up with my dad directly involved in my life. He was what you would have classified as a dead-beat dad. I saw him a few times a year. When I saw him it was great, I mean, aside from one time he had to go to rehab for drug abuse, all of my memories of him are great ones because they are so few. However in hind sight, I do realize I was on a mission to receive Love Basic from my dad and if I couldn't get it from him, I could get it from some other man.
Now, when I say this, I don't want you to think I was looking for a father figure. I was looking for a man to love me and give me love my dad didn't give me. Any love would have been fine. I realized when I was 17 that I was looking for my dad in other men, I was looking for love from other men because I never got it from him. My sisters did the same thing except they didn't realize for a long time that this is what they were doing. When I realized this, I decided to stop trying to replace the LB love I didn't get from my dad. Having great LB love from a mom and a dad figure is important in the development of your Love Journey. Love Basic can really screw a person up if you are not loved in a positive way, you never receive it, or you are abused in some kind of way. It is vital to the journey. It is the foundation of Love on Earth.
Even though LB comes first, it is not the easiest version of Love either. In fact, for some it may be the most difficult. I mean let's face it, you feel like you have to love your family but you sure as hell don't have to like the folk. And when you don't like someone, it makes it that more difficult to love them. Oh and when you love them, you hate to see them struggle or make mistakes. You may react to this is a scared, controlling, or helpful way. When someone in the LB category falls, you feel the brunt of it. You are either more critical or you hold you tongue. You will sacrifice your last for the LB people or you will show them tough love and let them figure out how to get out of their own mess. What kind of Love Basic did you receive in your life? When you think back to it, do you see how it affects the way you love others now? The way you love yourself? The way I was shown love growing up has definitely affected me and affects how I am loving my husband right now.
So, what is next in the Love area? Well, I would say after Love Basic, you discover that you can love other people who are not your family. This initially comes from friendship. Now when we are kids, we may not see how we show love to our friends but if you think back to you first friendships, the way you showed love to them stems from how you learned Love Basic. But love between friends is not the same as the love between family. For some, loving friends can be easier or more difficult than loving your family. Most people feel obligated to a relationship of love with their family: we grow up thinking we can't choose these people. However, we can choose our friends. For people with crazy families, it a good time to find people who are not insane.
Love Playful/Chosen
I will call love with, from, and to friends Love Playful/Chosen/. You get to choose your friends though I know some folk probably feel like they didn't have a choice in choosing these people. Now, I have a unique view on this because I grew up the third of four kids, eventually seven, and the first four of us were all one year apart in age (not the last three). I thought, I don't need friends because I can play with my siblings. That worked for most of my childhood until we became teenagers and desired a different kind of love if you know what I mean. I don't have many friends and learning Love Playful/Chosen is late lesson for me.
This is such an important lesson in love and play. Every version of Love is important and none of these stages should be disregarded. I suppose some people who's LB gets screwed up may find LP/C either really easy or really difficult. Either way, we have to learn this LP/C and understand also that while we learn how to do LP/C from LB, they are very different versions. You can't seek LB you get from a mom from a friend. It just doesn't work that way in my opinion. We find early on that while LB seems unconditional, there are some things we would think twice before telling our parents that we could tell our friends. The consequences are different.
We learn to love friends, regardless of our differences, because of the unconditional love shown or not shown to us with the LB experience. Everything we learn from Love Basic gets transfered into Love Playful/Chosen. LP/C is evolution of LB and they both influence each other. Also, LB gets deeper and stronger as a result of LP/C. LP/C can even betray you and make you run back to LB because you know it will be there. In fact, there are many people who give up on LP/C because it is not natural, must be earned, and takes a lot more time, work, money, etc.
This makes me think of individuals who define themselves are homosexuals yet revealing their nature to their parents could take away the LB they have known all their lives. There are many parents who disown, abandon, and abuse their children when it is revealed that the child is homosexual. That is very weak LB. Since the LB is so weak, the children may find that LP/C is a lot easier. This is an example of how bad LB can send a person running to LP/C. Not to say that the LP/C is better and that you can have life without LB. LB is necessary. Some LP/C experiences run so deep that they turn into LB. Perhaps any version of Love can turn into LB. Perhaps all of our attempts at love are to achieve a status of LB. Then again, some LP/C experiences are casual and that is ok to.
I believe we are constantly seeking love stronger in our lives which is why LP/C does not cut the mustard for some people. Either LP/C holds us down for a while, or, ever since LB we have been on a quest to find the kind of love that seems written on our souls, our destiny, our love match, our kindred spirit, the one kind of love that we think is truly unconditional. As we get older, our bodies desire...different things...if you know what I mean. There is a type of love that you can not only feel in your heart and mind, but on your body. For most people, the desire for this love gets intensified as puberty makes its debut into our world. Now, a lot of people could experiment with LP/C to satisfy this new desire of Love but it will fall short.
Love Romantic
Therefore the next Love version is Love Romantic. Yes, as a child, your family can make you feel special by doing special things for your like having a huge birthday celebration for you. At some point though, you want to feel special in a different way. There is something in your sexuality that wakes up and says, I want to feel special there too. You want to "fall in love" with someone or feel something that touches you. You want to be touched now and well, you can't very well be touched by someone in the LB category in this society. Now I know for a lot of you "falling in love" with someone is as much about who the person is as it is about sex but let's be serious, even for the strong individuals who resist physical temptation until the wedding night, sex is still the biggest part of Love Romantic or LR.
I am sure your sister is a great person or that your brother may possess absolutely everything you would want in a romantic partner. So why not just engage a in a romantic relationship with someone in your family? It is because you are not allowed to be sexual with them? Maybe that is keeping it too real for some of your or being too blunt. Please, ask me if I care. Sorry but you can't do the nasty with family which is why we seek LR. I really thought deeply about whether LR was about more than just sex. I definitely think that finding someone to experience LR has a lot to with other facets of love and are similar to LB or LPC but you don't involve sex in those relationships. And by sex I don't want you to just think of intercourse. Sexuality is more than just the act of having sex. It's about acknowledging the urges of who you are physically, you physical human self, and being able to share that with someone else. To deny who you are sexually is not living a full healthy life. Sexuality is healthy. God knew what he was doing. If you are a nun or a preist, kudos to you for the life you have committed to. That is was not the path for me, however, and for millions of others.
Truthfully when we first begin to daydream about LR it starts off with being romanced. Someone makes you feel special. You imagine spending time with someone who makes you laugh and smile. This person is attractive and knows everything about you. You envision excitement. You want trust, communication, honesty, and stability. And after you have imagined all that, you begin to imagine sharing yourself with this person physically and that is really what LR is about. Perhaps when you fantasize about LR you don't want it to be a sexual thing. In fact, you thoughts may never lead to that direction. Right now I want you to think of one LR experience in which sex with someone is not involved NOR does the future LR experience hold a guarantee for a sexual relationship. If there is no sex now or in the future, it's not LR, it's LB or LP/C.
When I was child, I fantasized about LR like most other little girls I knew. I wanted to get married at 18 and start having kids at 21 after finishing college. Sad that most little girls get trapped/brainwashed into daydreaming about this all day but it was fun and innocent then. I also thought about being able to make love to my future husband even though I didn't really know what that was. I did know this however, I would not have sex with this person until I was married. Even though sex was put off in my mind until marriage, it was still LR because without the desire to want to be sexual with the person, wouldn't I just be fine with some good ole LB or LP/C? In fact, how is it that I even wanted LR before I knew what it was? Was it because I saw it on television and in other people's lives? What did I really know at age seven about wanting to be sexual with someone? At what point does LB really turn into LR?
Love Romantic is great! It feels good, right? It feels in a way that the other versions do not feel and for the most part, in a committed monogamous relationship, that physical love will be around when LB and LP/C are not. Some people marry to experience LR the rest of their lives and some folk continue in LB relationships. For example, some people never leave home where LB is so filling, LR doesn't seem necessary. I am sure there is reason why some souls take that path and because it seems possible to have a filling life without LR, I am not sure if it is a necessary path for all souls. In that token, there are other versions of love that may or may not be necessary for the love journey.
Love Produced
I think for a lot of people Love Romantic is the finale. It is the end all be all. It is all they think they need to seek in life and all some people ever want. Then again, there is more to love of course. Everything in life is about love. Love is why we are here so naturally there are other versions of it. The next version I can think of would be Love Produced or LP. There are many similarities between Love Produced and Love Basic yet there is something more automatic about Love Produced. Love Produced is the Love that is experienced from having children or other lives to care for. Most people claim to immediately "fall in Love" with their children as soon as they leave the womb. This is probably the best example of love at first sight. Love at first sight is generally only spoken about for LR, however most people question if it really exists. People however rarely question a parent saying it was love at first sight after a child or other living creature enters their world. I say living creature because animals have the same effect on some people. It is also important to note that parents whose children are not biological still experience LP and love at first sight.
Some people are not meant to be parents and don't want to be. There are some people also who feel like their existence wouldn't be complete without the LP experience. Whatever your soul's journey, that is fine. Not everyone is meant for LP and for some, LP is learned. I am sure there are some people out there who did not experience the "love at first sight" phenomenon with their kids or pets and that is ok too. It is still LP love however because we produce these experiences in our lives. Maybe in some cases, the responsibility of caring for the life of someone else got thrusted upon you and it's not an exciting thing. Either way LP made it's way in, it is there to teach you so many wonderful things about love that the other versions just can't do. Although LP is family related, LB is something you get born into and it teaches you love in a different way. Most of what is learned in LB can finally be understood when LP makes its into your life.
I don't have children...yet. I know I will be a mom. Just not anytime soon. I also have known that I wanted to adopt when I have the means to support individuals who need to be taken in. The only LP I have experienced is through my cat Onyxia and let me tell you, it wasn't love at first sight, lol. It was more like, I have a feeling about this one which is why we adopted her. I began telling her immediately that I loved her, even before I truly did. I felt it was important to do that. Most of our pets don't need much to be shown love. Food, water, shelter, a place to defecate, play time, and physical affection seem to sum it up. But what does it take from you to provide those things other than money? I have learned so much about who I am through my cat and she has shown me how to love in a way that I had never experienced before.
Love Self
So, there is a version of love that involves a piece of each of the afore mentioned and it is the MOST important of all these. Love Self or LS is with you your entire life whether you realize it or not. The saying that you can not love someone else properly if you don't love yourself is so true. It is one of the only truths. Here you are loving your whole life through LB, LR, LP/C, and LP and in walks LS. Some of you may be thinking, I love myself. Is that really true? Do you treat your self with the same amount of love you show to your loved ones? Do you know what it means to truly love who you are? Did you ever think about falling in love with yourself? When we experience LB, those individuals involved who are taking care of you are teaching your to love yourself.
In order to really touch in LS, we much touch on the action of Love in LB. What does LB look like? When you are child, you don't really see in the beginning the reason why our caretakers and family treat us the way that they do especially when it comes to things like eating your vegetables when you are not a fan. When someone provides shelter, food, and water for you, it is an act of love, even when it's not executed in a way that would seem like it. Those a basic things that should be provided to us upon entrance into this world. We don't question it for the most part, it because an expectation and a way of life.
After the food, water, and shelter there is cleanliness. These caretakers show us LB by cleaning us when we truly can't clean ourselves as babies but they also teach us how we should clean ourselves. How is teaching someone how to wipe their ass and brush their teeth love? Well, you tell me what will happen to your body when you neglect to take care of those things? Sickness is a result of a lack of self love. At the time, maybe your mom seemed like a pain in the ass to make you eat your broccoli, chew your food well, or brush your teeth before bed but she was teaching you how to take care of your health and taking care of your own health is self love. Brocoli is a wonder food and so great for your health with many vitamins and minerals. Chewing your food well prepares it to be digested efficiently in the body. Good dental health affects the rest of your life; what happens to a dirty dish that never gets cleaned? Do you want that to happen in your mouth? We need to eat and good eating needs healthy teeth!
Doing your chores and keeping things clean teaches you how to maintain a healthy environment. Have you seen any healthy people on that show Hoarders? I don't think so and that is not self love. When you love yourself, you maintain good health in your body and your environment. All of those things teach us responsibility and taking ownership for your actions is self love. It's not just about the basic of human needs but the lessons our caretakers teach us, the reason why they didn't let us pout and shout and kick and scream wehen we didn't get what we wanted. I know some parents seems to be acting out of fear but for the most part, it's love. They love us enough to teach us how to love ourselves because they know they will most likely not be around us our entire lives.
I could go on and on about the Love value in all of our experiences as children and how they teach us to love ourselves. Taking care of basic human needs sets you on the open road to LS on a deeper level. All of those things your parents were teaching you or maybe yelling at you about were to teach you how to love yourself. They know it's challenging to do this so they use many different methods of parenting to get this message to you. Some kids rebel against their parents' methods in extreme or subtle ways. We hate to admit our parents or caretakers were right about some things but they just were. Whether they realize they are teaching you LS or not is not important. What is important is for you to understand how to do it and to eventually experience LS on a deeper level than your caretakers could have ever shown you.
There are some people who didn't have LB shown properly in the ways I have mentioned and for those people I say this to, you are a strong soul and it was not apart of your soul's journey to experience LB in that way. I know it sucks, but you can read some other blogs I have about how we came to be on Earth in the first place that may provide you will a better understanding of your own path. My heart sincerely goes out to individuals who have experienced abuse and neglectful caretakers. Children are really innocent and have a connection to the soul that gets lost as we get older. Please take comfort in knowing life will never give us more than we can handle. Only the bravest of souls pick debilitating circumstances in life.
The easier way to self love is to start taking care of your physical health. When you commit to good health and only putting healthy things in your body and maintaining physical fitness, somehow the body just begins to reveal who you are. You begin to start dealing with issues you either didn't know existed or things you didn't even think needed to be worked on. I have to tell you that for some people who are all boggled up, stressed, and worried all the time, taking care of your health will make you a little crazy. There is no warning given when you decide to embark on the road to health. No one says, BEWARE!! LOVING YOURSELF IS CHALLENGING AND SCARY. I am sure that is not the case for some people but it definitely is the case for me. There is also no warning about how your ego will put up a damn good fight to hold on the way it thinks is the easy way of living: burgers and french fries.
Taking care of the physical opens the door for your emotional, financial, mental, and spiritual well being. Not everyone who appears to be in great physical shape is on the road to LS. When you love everything about who you are you experience unconditional love in a way you have never experienced it before. Loving myself unconditionally is such a challenge for the person I use to be. Everything I did wasn't good enough. If I continue to hold myself to that standard, I will never learn LS and neither will. Unconditional love means not worrying and stressing about things. Loving yourself transcends the physical. Loving yourself sees fear as an opportunity to advance your soul. Of all the Loves I have mentioned, this is the most important one.
Love Selfless
LS opens your awareness but it is not the end all be all. Remember when I mentioned you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. Well, when I said that I wasn't really talking about loving your family, friends, and life partner. I was talking about strangers. People on the street you don't even know. This is Love Selfless of LSL. And now to really twist things up, I am going to say loving yourself unconditionally leads to loving others unconditionally and that loving yourself is the same as loving others. Huh? Ok, so when you see how much it takes to truly love yourself wholly and abundantly, you will know what it takes to love the stinky guy at the bus stop.
Think about it. When you stink, how do you treat yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you treat the stinky guy at the bus stop? Do you make faces at yourself? Do you judge yourself harshly inside but don't show it? Is your funk justified? Do you feel sorry for yourself? Is your stinkiness superior or inferior to the guy on the bus stop? Can you immediately take action to get rid of the stench? How do or would you feel if someone got a whiff of your stinkiness and reacted to it for others to see? How would you feel if they started laughing about it, telling others about it, or put you stinkiness on display? As if it wasn't enough that you had to deal with it, now you are affecting other people. What does body odor have to do with love? The body odor is the judgement you are putting on yourself and the stinky guy at the bus stop. In fact, in LSL the stinky man at the bus stop is just another human at the bus stop. Better yet, the other human at the bus stop is a soul just like you with his own soul's journey and since you understand LS so well, you know how to show LSL to this other soul.
Do you find yourself getting so upset about things other people say or do? Have you ever questioned why it gets to you so much? Did you ever think that it was a projection of an area in which you could love yourself better and thus be able to love someone else unconditionally? It is not easy getting to a point where you can look at EVERYONE in your world as a divine child of God that you should love in the way you should love yourself. In fact, just convincing yourself that the idiotic actions of another individual are not idiotic actions but events that we all experience in our soul's journey to love and that we should have unconditional LSL for these souls is one of life's biggest challenges.
For those of you who can't exactly see how this may relate in your life here is a better way to put it. It is like being a Muslim in this lifetime knowing that your faith is what works for YOUR soul and accepting that Judaism, Taoism, Christianity, or Buddhism works well for the soul's of others and that is not for you act out in disagreement to their choice, but to give unconditional LSL to those individuals and appreciate the decisions those souls have made to learn their OWN soul lessons. Now do you see why LSL is on a higher level and is directionally proportional to LS? Are you there yet? I admit that sometimes when I walk down the street or when I am at work and see people just acting stupid, it's hard to say, that is a divine child of God and I love this person but I have to. I will say that when I do get into this state of being, I have the most peaceful days and nights. This is where we all need to be.
Love Eternal
There is only one love that is with us in life as in death and that is Love Eternal which is the love we have from God/The Creator/The Universe. It does not matter what you believe what name you have given to God. God's love is given to you whether you believe in God or not. And when I say believe in God, I mean belief in the existence of a Higher Power. Where does that leave athiests? As long as an athiest lives a good life that brings no harm to others and or acknowledges that he/she has a soul then I really don't have much else to say on the matter. Either way, per LSL, it is not for me to determine or judge the athiest, only to love the athiest.
I learned a several years ago that life is about love and love is reason we are here. I understood that everything we do is about love. All of our actions are about love. Love of people, love of self, love of money, love of food, love of sex, love of rain, love of television. Love comes into play in every aspect of our being and we are here to learn things about love as they relate to our soul's journey. Even things that do no seem so pleasant like war, hunger, depression, and pain relate back to lessons in love that we all may have to learn at one time or another. Sometimes in the case of the negative things, it is a lack of love that is the cause of the negativity. People want something they can feel and hold and we attach love to those things. Love in the physical is easy to discuss and identify with like a cupcake or a dog but what about LE? Love Eternal can be felt but not necessarily in the physical. In fact, it is felt on a soul level and when you have let your ego run the show for so long, it is this love that seems the hardest of all the versions to connect to.
Is seeing believing or is feeling believing? If you had a choice right now between seeing love and feeling love, which one would you choose? Maybe some people who don't know what love feels like and would want to see it first just to be sure it's something they want. After seeing love, I imagine most people would want to feel it. It seems like the order of things. We see love being done when we get here in LB and eventually we want to feel it more and more though LP/C. We then realize we can literally feel it through LR or LP and since our humanity is so readily available to us, it seems like the peek of all love. Yet there are souls in these bodies and there is a love we can feel love on a deeper level beyond the physical. To take it even further, deep LB, LPC, LP, LR, LS, and LSL are all related to LE and can not exist without it. Think about it, I talked a lot about how love is shown to us through all of those versions but where do you think all of that developed? There is a love blueprint written on each of our souls through LE and it is what guides us through life and love. How do you think people who never receive any LB can experience any of the other love versions?
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the magic of LE. There have been so many times in my life in which LE has stepped in and saved my ass. I learn something everyday about how infinite it is and it can be overwhelming. I don't know about other people but there have been times when I would think about how wide and expansive the Universe is and all the life that exists within it and feel so minuscule and insignifiant in this world. Hell, I thought why would I be loved when there is so much else going on around me? To have the knowledge that God/The Creator/The Universe has a reserved abundant, eternal, and infinite love for me can be a scary thought...but it is a powerful thought. It is the thought that can keep me up at night yet comfort me when I can't sleep. Everything I have ever looked for can be found here. Once I have this love, all the other versions of love will find their way to me if it what I want and need in this lifetime.
Are you open to LE or any other these other love versions? Are you ready to welcome love into all areas of your life? Do you love things that will not come with you when you leave this world? Have you ever asked yourself why you have loved these things? Have you ever asked how these things affect your soul and light? Every thing we do is about love! All of our actions have something to do with love. And while most of what I have written has to do with loving living things, we have love for things that are not living. It is not bad to love a car or watch. What we have to understand is why we have attached love to these objects in the first place and how these objects affect our soul's journey. God Bless
Love All
Monday, September 5, 2011
H.A.M.
Long time no post...about to go Hard As A Motherfucker...
I was just reading my very first blog and taking in the fact that I have not blogged everyday as I had originally planned. Other than eating, sleeping, and shitting, there isn't much that I do everyday or would want to for that matter. What stood out to the me the most was what I was saying about my husband and being married. In a matter of months I went from missing him and being so happy to be with him to my current state of "if he left tomorrow, so what?" How could that happen?
I am falling in love with me right now and it's not like falling in love with another person. In fact, it's a battle. It's more like the love you have to develop after you have been with someone for a few years. There are things about me that I love and appreciate and then there are things that just grind my gears. I was reading a blog from The Daily Love about how our anger and frustrations toward others is really a mirror into our insecurities and or a projection of how we feel about ourselves. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. What is it about me that I see in my husband that bothers me? Or what is it about me that I don't see in my husband that bothers me? I guess I should talk about me and see if I can find the answer. What is it that I like about me? Lol, this is gonna be interesting.
Well, I like my birthday, March 31, 1984. I was a good year and I just made it in before April Fool's Day. I like being an Aries as well. We are good people and most of what is described about us in Astrology is true. I like my skin color which I thought my whole life that wasn't really up to me. Good to know my soul and I are on the same page. I also like my hair color though I miss the brown color it use to have. It has gotten much darker over the years. I wonder if the Universe can bring back my light color. I have nice boobs. They are a good size but not overwhelming. I value all my scars now as they are a story into me although the darkness on my knees and elbows can be annoying. I couldn't stand my nose and feet when I was a kid but as I got older I realized how beautiful and nicely shaped they are for me. I have piano fingers even though my pinky acts retarded sometimes. My best features would have to be my lips and eyes. My lips are full and nicely shaped and well, my eyes are just the bomb diggity from the shape to the color to the honesty you can see in them.
I am a funny person. I just know how to be funny and I have good timing. I have always been such a good communicator and had the ability to converse with just about anyone. That was always something important to and its a gift that I am grateful to have. That helps me to know how and when to be funny with people. Let's face it, I can be pretty cute sometimes intentionally or unintentionally. I am an honest person and can be very blunt. I like to tell the truth and I always have. I am intelligent and a good learner. I get excited about learning sometimes. I have a great sense of responsibility for my actions. I am strong. I am sexy and beautiful. I am a pretty decent belly dancer too! I eat healthy for the most part and I like to do physical activities for the payoff. I have always been a peacemaker and I like that about me. I like that I am a creative person and can roll with the punches. I do have a sense of adventure.
I am very responsible and I like to be on time. I do push it at times in the punctuality department but not with bill paying or showing up to work. I am a clean person. I like for things to be clean and organized. I am not about mediocre. I like to be alone. It is one of my favorite pass times. I don't believe in regrets. Everything happens for a reason and so even all the bad things in my life in the end are good things for the valuable soul lesson they have taught me. I like being a vegetarian! It has changed my life for the better.
So, I like those things about myself. I am sure there are more but I will digress for now. How about the things I don't like? While though my perfectionism has subsided tremendously it still remains in some facets. I miss it because I cared a lot more about some of the things I did. I cared a lot more about doing the right thing and other people's thoughts and feelings. When things seem in disarray I miss that part of me. However, that was a very stressful young lady, a worry wort. That leads me to my next dislike: stress and worry. I am so grateful to write them off from my life yet I know they still play a roll in some areas.
Stress and worry actually covers a lot of issues that I have such as some body image insecurities. Now when I say body image I don't mean the stupid shit that most girls go through reading tabloids. I mean, I wish I had a flat tummy and a muscular back because that makes me feel good. I could care less about how other people viewed my belly and back. I worry and stress much less these days, especially since I am working hard to achieve my goals. Part of the issue is my impatience. I am not creating myself as impatient in this moment, I am just acknowledging the fact that I don't like waiting on some things like my husband or these last few pounds to drop out or prosperity. I, of course, see the value in patience and waiting which is why I welcome it into my life. Things will happen when they happen and I need let go of the how and when. I tend to have some controlling issues when it comes to how a house is kept and other things of that nature.
You know, it doesn't comfort me to write about things I don't like about myself. In all honesty, a little stress and worry can be good for you and I don't mind being anal about cleanliness. I guess I am sitting writing trying to find out why certain things about me get me upset with my husband. I don't find him attractive when he is lazy, dishonest, unhealthy, etc. because I am not those things. I don't think it's an issue when I want him to be like me. He can be whoever he wants to be. Being responsible for your actions and your household, being honest with yourself and those your love and care about, and making healthy choices are basic fucking things that everyone should do. Am I perfect at those things? Hell no! Do I expect others to be perfect at them? Hell motherfucking no! Do I want to be with someone who upholds those principles in their own life. Hell yeah! So why is it that I have to sit and tolerate my partner being any other way?
Oh, and trust, I have had many conversations with this man about all of those topics. Patient conversations, helpful conversations, and full out arguments about the shit. I am not sure how I can spell it out for him an better. The soul lesson is that. I am arriving, and he hasn't even boarded the fucking plane. I have shit that I need to do and want to do but I feel like I have to wait on him to catch up, a lesson in patience. And how about you toss in a lesson about love. So what that he hasn't boarded the plane yet, shouldn't I help him? I don't support missing my flight to wait on him to get the courage to board the plane. Fuck, I am the one who bought the fucking ticket and planned the trip. His ass was sitting next to me when we did the shit as if he was all for it. Then he gets to the airport and acts like taking the plane was just a good idea but not something he really wants. He is not sticking to the plan right now. Did I mention that I don't like it sometimes when plans get changed? Don't get me wrong, I am a very flexible person. I am talking about easy fucking plans like, you go to the bus stop and plan to take the next bus. Let's say that bus doesn't come. Instead of going back to wherever you came from, you reroute to stick with the plan of catching a bus. You don't fucking give up. Did I mention that I don't like to give up? My husband is so good at that. Only time I see confidence from him is ordering food in Spanish and sex. Trust me, he has way more talents than that.
I am loving myself and he has only begun to entertain the idea of doing so. How much do I love him? To help him? To wait on him? I am tired of holding his hand through this because it's enough falling in love with myself. Now wait, if I had an abundant amount of love, don't I have enough for him? That is true but is love really reminding a grown person to eat, sleep, work out, and do basic shit that most adults should be able to do on their own? Is that love? I am not even sure what loving someone else looks like right now...
I was just reading my very first blog and taking in the fact that I have not blogged everyday as I had originally planned. Other than eating, sleeping, and shitting, there isn't much that I do everyday or would want to for that matter. What stood out to the me the most was what I was saying about my husband and being married. In a matter of months I went from missing him and being so happy to be with him to my current state of "if he left tomorrow, so what?" How could that happen?
I am falling in love with me right now and it's not like falling in love with another person. In fact, it's a battle. It's more like the love you have to develop after you have been with someone for a few years. There are things about me that I love and appreciate and then there are things that just grind my gears. I was reading a blog from The Daily Love about how our anger and frustrations toward others is really a mirror into our insecurities and or a projection of how we feel about ourselves. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. What is it about me that I see in my husband that bothers me? Or what is it about me that I don't see in my husband that bothers me? I guess I should talk about me and see if I can find the answer. What is it that I like about me? Lol, this is gonna be interesting.
Well, I like my birthday, March 31, 1984. I was a good year and I just made it in before April Fool's Day. I like being an Aries as well. We are good people and most of what is described about us in Astrology is true. I like my skin color which I thought my whole life that wasn't really up to me. Good to know my soul and I are on the same page. I also like my hair color though I miss the brown color it use to have. It has gotten much darker over the years. I wonder if the Universe can bring back my light color. I have nice boobs. They are a good size but not overwhelming. I value all my scars now as they are a story into me although the darkness on my knees and elbows can be annoying. I couldn't stand my nose and feet when I was a kid but as I got older I realized how beautiful and nicely shaped they are for me. I have piano fingers even though my pinky acts retarded sometimes. My best features would have to be my lips and eyes. My lips are full and nicely shaped and well, my eyes are just the bomb diggity from the shape to the color to the honesty you can see in them.
I am a funny person. I just know how to be funny and I have good timing. I have always been such a good communicator and had the ability to converse with just about anyone. That was always something important to and its a gift that I am grateful to have. That helps me to know how and when to be funny with people. Let's face it, I can be pretty cute sometimes intentionally or unintentionally. I am an honest person and can be very blunt. I like to tell the truth and I always have. I am intelligent and a good learner. I get excited about learning sometimes. I have a great sense of responsibility for my actions. I am strong. I am sexy and beautiful. I am a pretty decent belly dancer too! I eat healthy for the most part and I like to do physical activities for the payoff. I have always been a peacemaker and I like that about me. I like that I am a creative person and can roll with the punches. I do have a sense of adventure.
I am very responsible and I like to be on time. I do push it at times in the punctuality department but not with bill paying or showing up to work. I am a clean person. I like for things to be clean and organized. I am not about mediocre. I like to be alone. It is one of my favorite pass times. I don't believe in regrets. Everything happens for a reason and so even all the bad things in my life in the end are good things for the valuable soul lesson they have taught me. I like being a vegetarian! It has changed my life for the better.
So, I like those things about myself. I am sure there are more but I will digress for now. How about the things I don't like? While though my perfectionism has subsided tremendously it still remains in some facets. I miss it because I cared a lot more about some of the things I did. I cared a lot more about doing the right thing and other people's thoughts and feelings. When things seem in disarray I miss that part of me. However, that was a very stressful young lady, a worry wort. That leads me to my next dislike: stress and worry. I am so grateful to write them off from my life yet I know they still play a roll in some areas.
Stress and worry actually covers a lot of issues that I have such as some body image insecurities. Now when I say body image I don't mean the stupid shit that most girls go through reading tabloids. I mean, I wish I had a flat tummy and a muscular back because that makes me feel good. I could care less about how other people viewed my belly and back. I worry and stress much less these days, especially since I am working hard to achieve my goals. Part of the issue is my impatience. I am not creating myself as impatient in this moment, I am just acknowledging the fact that I don't like waiting on some things like my husband or these last few pounds to drop out or prosperity. I, of course, see the value in patience and waiting which is why I welcome it into my life. Things will happen when they happen and I need let go of the how and when. I tend to have some controlling issues when it comes to how a house is kept and other things of that nature.
You know, it doesn't comfort me to write about things I don't like about myself. In all honesty, a little stress and worry can be good for you and I don't mind being anal about cleanliness. I guess I am sitting writing trying to find out why certain things about me get me upset with my husband. I don't find him attractive when he is lazy, dishonest, unhealthy, etc. because I am not those things. I don't think it's an issue when I want him to be like me. He can be whoever he wants to be. Being responsible for your actions and your household, being honest with yourself and those your love and care about, and making healthy choices are basic fucking things that everyone should do. Am I perfect at those things? Hell no! Do I expect others to be perfect at them? Hell motherfucking no! Do I want to be with someone who upholds those principles in their own life. Hell yeah! So why is it that I have to sit and tolerate my partner being any other way?
Oh, and trust, I have had many conversations with this man about all of those topics. Patient conversations, helpful conversations, and full out arguments about the shit. I am not sure how I can spell it out for him an better. The soul lesson is that. I am arriving, and he hasn't even boarded the fucking plane. I have shit that I need to do and want to do but I feel like I have to wait on him to catch up, a lesson in patience. And how about you toss in a lesson about love. So what that he hasn't boarded the plane yet, shouldn't I help him? I don't support missing my flight to wait on him to get the courage to board the plane. Fuck, I am the one who bought the fucking ticket and planned the trip. His ass was sitting next to me when we did the shit as if he was all for it. Then he gets to the airport and acts like taking the plane was just a good idea but not something he really wants. He is not sticking to the plan right now. Did I mention that I don't like it sometimes when plans get changed? Don't get me wrong, I am a very flexible person. I am talking about easy fucking plans like, you go to the bus stop and plan to take the next bus. Let's say that bus doesn't come. Instead of going back to wherever you came from, you reroute to stick with the plan of catching a bus. You don't fucking give up. Did I mention that I don't like to give up? My husband is so good at that. Only time I see confidence from him is ordering food in Spanish and sex. Trust me, he has way more talents than that.
I am loving myself and he has only begun to entertain the idea of doing so. How much do I love him? To help him? To wait on him? I am tired of holding his hand through this because it's enough falling in love with myself. Now wait, if I had an abundant amount of love, don't I have enough for him? That is true but is love really reminding a grown person to eat, sleep, work out, and do basic shit that most adults should be able to do on their own? Is that love? I am not even sure what loving someone else looks like right now...
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