Sometimes we focus too much on the things we don't want to happen. The energy put into that creates a manifestation. I have manifested some things in my life that I know I don't want. My state of being right now is pretty depressing. I am realizing how much I truly stress about things present, past, and future.
I have decided that my belly fat is symbolic of the baggage I carry from my past. The reason why I can work my ass out and still have a belly makes no sense to me. I am done with settling for this. This is not who I am. Yet I am hurting from something. What it is, I can't exactly point out. I'm tired.
I am troubled by my behavior. I am troubled by not having the things I want. I am blocking my way with some and others seem like they have to be earned. I guess I'm not sure about what I want so I'm just getting anything. I am upset with myself. I am having a hard time letting go of all the guilt and fear I have held on to for years. Facing it alone seems challenging and I know I'm supposed to let certain people in. I'm afraid to connect. I'm afraid to admit. I'm afraid to try because my past experiences tell me otherwise.
My stomach is completely swollen, fat, and hurting right now. I think this stress must be ended. I'm running off of little sleep. Perhaps I have bitten off more than I can chew. I want to say what I want to say and not give a shit who's listening/reading. How can I be me when I'm worried so much about hurting others?
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