San Pedro Nights: Shots Fired

My life has played out like a soap opera the past couple of days. I have had my next door neighbor from child hood out visiting me. He is psychic and very open to his spiritual gifts. It has been an enlightening few days but there was something developing that came to a head today.

I hope I have helped him release that energy. He has helped me to understand so much and I wanted the same for him yet when I approached him with feedback he wasn't receptive. He was defensive and that is his pattern. He's had to defend himself his whole life and I was under the illusion that he wouldn't feel he'd have to defend himself from me. 

He just dealt some heavy shit, we both did. He made one mistake though. He pissed CIC off. CIC, the guy everyone makes fun for the way he carries himself. CIC will not tolerate me being unsafe. Not on his watch.  I don't agree with CIC wanting him to leave. It's just a lesson for us to learn. In giving CIC his power however I want to do what he would have me do. 

I was rude to Lee because I was operating from a place of familial understanding. I had a conversation in my head and once again only let out the brunt end of it so we had a misunderstanding. He doesn't allow anyone a word in edge wise. I assumed he was ready for the feedback phase of of life and here we are. 

Lee listens well but... Yeah, that's his thing. He'll listen until he says the word "but" which most people generally knows completely negates the previous statement. He's still in the hear to respond phase of life which brought me back to mine.  After an aura energy cleansing he did the previous night in which I felt completely vulnerable afterwards he said to me "that was so hard to do. I didn't realize you were that thick. (Pause and silence) you looked really good in those leggings today. (Pause and silence). Would you like me to stay in the room with you?" Horrible timing and here we are. 

I feel bad about how it all went down and due to his extremism he wants to just cut me and my whole family off because he's embarrassed. As I type all this the soul lesson has become very apparent for me. I was his family. I represented everything his family was and Chicago and I stimulated all his triggers. I served him in this way so that he could decide who he is going to be now that he is in California. Reaching this conclusion has brought a peaceful energy over me. I am so grateful for the lesson coming in that way. 

He was gonna leave but then I heard what I thought was fireworks. When I opened the patio door for a closer listen it turned out to be gunfire. I was hearing most intense shoot out I had ever heard in my life. Worse than what I ever heard in Chicago. This was as Lee had feared. It aptly manifested as we too were having our own shoot out. I told him I didn't feel comfortable in him leaving in that. I hope he chose to stay. 

And now here I am. Partially afraid to sleep because he said he wouldn't be able to sleep. He's never had a female friend like me before and he didn't know how to respond. I saw the young man in him coming out and realized how far he has to go. I feel sad that he sees this as a connection lost. And at the same time my trust has been violated enough that I don't want to sleep. 

Funny how life mixes things up. 

It's been about a half hour since the gun fire and I have heard no sirens. I mean, someone must've died in all that gun fire. I haven't even heard any helicopters. Where exactly do I live? Is Lee afraid now? He keeps saying he's not afraid of anything. Admitting to fear doesn't mean that it will dictate your being. Fear doesn't go away. We no longer have to tell ourselves the lies from our childhood that helped us to sleep at night. 

A few things I can take in are demanding and dictating. That's how he described me. There is truth in that. I have the desire to control things. I have the ability to influence things. I want to make my mark. My mark could have been reception to Lee's healing but it got clouded by the dictator which I think needs a name.  I'll work on that. I have owned what he's said about me and I felt like he wasn't owning his own shit. It's like I wanted to see him doing the work like me. 

Some people are just transmitters. They are not receivers. I had it all misunderstood. I felt too friendly with him too quickly. Though we connect spiritually we don't connect personally. It's an interesting thing how we've served one another. I assumed he understood me but I was mislead by my own desires for spiritual community. I do hope he doesn't abandon my family because of this. 

He continues to let his past determine his walk, as do we all. Poor child. We are but children trying to do all this stuff. Trying to act like adults. He's done nothing that can't be processed and forgiven. His whole life has prepared him for what's coming. I was like the last boss before the final fighting level. The thing is that he doesn't have to fight anymore. I wish he saw that. Those gunshots meant he doesn't have to do the fighting. I hope he sees this. 

Edit:  As it turns out all that noise was definitely fireworks and now gun fire.  Guess Lee got one over on me again.  I no longer have him in my life and I haven't missed him to be honest.  Seasons change.