Actualizing My Soul's Goal IV
My comfort zone can be the factor to keep me from living through my intentions. I must use caution. Positive mind. Neutral mind. Negative mind. There is a such thing as balance. The negative and positive mind must be consulted to reach the neutral mind.
I am afraid for a reason. The nervous system is designed to keep us alive. When we genuinely have a fear, we may think we're going to die because that's how our bodies are trained.
Jo Campbell says, the cave that I fear to enter holds the treasure that I seek. My fear is always a good sign. I have to embrace my fear as a sign of wisdom and being on the right path.
There's a sense of genuine anxiety of not knowing why we're afraid. This is cool because I always tell myself when running that I'm not going to die by continuing to run. There's nothing wrong with us because we instinctively want to survive. It just means we have to step into and believe in our soul. There is apart of who we are that wants to fulfill the goals and intentions.
Fear and limiting beliefs
What is the meaning behind the fear? Most of the time we are so focused on what we're afraid of that we don't focus on what we want to create.
This is what Iyanla meant by pee flowing down your leg. In order for me to reach my goals it must be a lifestyle. It has to become who I am and who I will be moving forward. I have to become this.
What do I have to do to achieve my goals? What do I think is not possible? What do I feel is in the way of why I won't reach my goals?
1. My stomach has always been this way
2. My family is poor and it will be harder for me to achieve financial success because of it. Plus I will have to help them and that's a huge responsibility.
3. I will leave Carl because that's what I do. I will fall out of love with him (that seems ridiculous to even write)
4. Maybe I'm not fertile.
5. I seem to have trouble finishing what I start.
6. I'm too young and not experienced enough
7. It will cost too much money.
We are experts in what we're afraid of so it's easy to make this list.
Every human being has two fears: I'm not enough to be loved and I'm not good enough. If I ran a multibillion dollar company and profits were down 50%. How would I feel? Anyone in any position of power is going to have problems of concern. If I am worried about being concerned about certain aspects of my dreams that means I care. Means I am on the right track. Every time I try something there will be things I could learn from each try. Sometimes being bad at something is teaching you how to be good at it. I need to simply apply my mistakes. What I'm really doing is learning. Could my desire to give up CC have to do with not doing things well?
Won't know how
My stomach has always been this way.
What do I need to learn? To get rid of this belief that some other force other than myself is the root cause. How to maintain a strong core and flat tummy. Commitment. Patience
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Perhaps lifetime. Yoga seemed to be great.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Devin can teach me how to maintain it.
What do I know how to do right now? That sugar doesn't help and should be limited. I know yoga will do it. I have to do this now.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, my struggles help to create empathy.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Yes, Carl!
I don't have the money nor am I good with it.
What do I need to learn? To release my beliefs about not deserving this or it being too hard. How to make better decisions. To save. To invest. To be patient.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Bank of America can get me started. Nancy
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Nancy
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it. Budget.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, my family can learn money and create wealth.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Yes, Carl and Nancy.
I will leave Carl.
What do I need to learn? To release my past. Commitment. Love. Trust. Loyalty.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? By being with him.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? My mom must know a thing or two. The Myers. The Ozo's. The Gunderson's
What do I know how to do right now? Be faithful. Communicate.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes. It's ok to choose love over time. As long as we continue to work toward each other and not let the fear from our past relationships run this one in a negative way.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Carl and i can do this!
I'm too young
What do I need to learn? Age ain't nothing but a number and apparently another tactic by my ego to drive. Pffft!
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Mastin is a great example.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Mastin!!!!
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it. Use my gift and be open to learning. I built ptw, I can build anything else.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Of course!!!
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Carl, Mastin.
I seem to have trouble finishing what I start.
What do I need to learn? To stop holding myself to this nonexistent level of perfection.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Kara is good at seeing things through. Also through my current commitments.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Kara. Carl. Devin.
What do I know how to do right now? I am very creative and good at handling problems when they arise.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, these things have been proven through PTW.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Kara.
I can aapply these questions to my fears.
What do I need to learn?
Where's the best place to go to learn it?
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them?
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives?
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me
If I plan to run an organization I will have problems to deal with and that's normal. Personal integrity is how I build self esteem. When I hold myself accountable, I can enhance my self worth. It's a great start to take the pictures of my food.
What are empowering questions about failure? What is my definition of failure? Not doing something well. Not finishing what I start. Not meeting deadlines. Is it actually possible for me to fail or is it simply producing a result? And jn that regard, what is success? Do I feel afraid? A bit but it's a good fear.
I'm not good enough according to who? Myself, the standards I have set for myself. Why wouldn't I be enough? I have set some standard for myself and I don't even know what those standards are. What is the measure of me feeling good about myself. People living at their higher purpose are independent of what other people think. I have been defined by my own opinion.
Where is this feeling coming from? Where is this measurement coming from? How will I know that I'm enough? If I am disconnected from god, then these feelings will arise. If this moment were divine grace, what would that mean about me? This is especially important for the tough moments. This work is for those willing to do the work. Am I willing to do the work?
I need to incorporate spiritual meaning into everything I do. What makes me feel connected to a power greater than myself? To god? Prayer. Loving relationships. What can I do everyday to feel connected with god? Study. Be open to learning. Live in my gift. What practice brings me closer to god? Praying. Listening. I have to live on faith. Everything must be in alignment with my purpose. God is so good. What of the fish?
I don't have to know everything to get started. Knowing that water is made of h2o is irrelevant to my thirst. It's good to know but it's the experience and action of drinking water that is important. In order to accomplish my dream, I might have to experience some downs, some growth spurts. Seeds don't grow overnight. I also have to come from a loving place, a giving space.
I can be such a brat sometimes. Everything that I am going through right now is preparing me. Are hitting road blocks a reason to quit or to push forward? Push forward. What are my limiting beliefs around my dreams? That my dreams are too big for me which is insulting to god. Also that I shouldn't dream. My ego will do everything it can to keep me in my comfort zone because that's when it's in the driving seat.
Is it rejection or feedback? Rejection is feedback. Is there something greater in store? Always!! I am not wrong for being afraid. There's always a reason for it. How am I going to choose to respond to this fear?
Masculine energy is a heat seeking missile. I can hone in on it by asking the following questions.
What do I want?
Why do I want it?
What do I have to do to make it happen?
Purpose can be concrete and illusive. It can show up in every area of my life. If I try honing in on my purpose, what do I fear will happen? Imaginary failure. Why do I have a lack of commitment? Afraid of being left by it. Why have I lived with this sorta go with the flow attitude? Why am I afraid of commitment? I don't want to choose one thing and be wrong. I thought with my ex that I wanted a certain type of life and when that didn't go well, I was wrong, unhappy, bored. I don't want to feel that again. I've chosen not to be attached and committed to anyone or anything because of that experience. I wasn't connected to god nor did I seek him first in my relationship.
No matter what I am doing, the through line of who I am will be present. I was afraid of me for so long that I have created many things that I thought would keep me from essentially being wrong again. I had thought for the longest time that something must be wrong with who I am since I made what I thought were mistakes. What would happen if I commit? I have to balanced the masculine of getting what I want and the feminine of letting go. Spontaneous creation can exist within structure. The structure can be a deadline and paperwork.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Back, Back, Back, and Forth
Oh boy...
Per my last blog, I had left CIC once again. That poor man. That "break-up" lasted for about a week or so. I don't even remember how long it was because guess what? I went right back. How can I describe what it's like to try to separate from this man in any way? How I can begin to explain to you why I feel like I have been waiting for him my whole life? What words could I possibly use to get to you to understand that I know I have missed him for hundreds or maybe even thousands of years? I am just not sure how to find those words for you. What I do know is that we have been reunited and yes, it feels so good. We are happier than ever together and I don't want him out of my life ever again.
I have never had a problem walking away from something in my life, be it good or bad. I am usually pretty good at going cold turkey on someone or something. I can't seem to do with with CIC.
In other news, I am going to look at some a couple different apartments today. I have to move out before the end of next month. I am really excited to start my new journey in my new space all alone. That right, all alone. I can't bring my cat with me because the truth is that she makes me sick. Talking about my cat allergies of course. I can't be around her longer than ten minutes without itchy skin and a stuffy nose. Onyxia is a sweetheart but she is definitely my roommate's cat. I'll talk more about my roommate when the time is right. Just know for now that I won't be having this roommate much longer and THANK GOD!!!!!
So much to say, so little time.
Per my last blog, I had left CIC once again. That poor man. That "break-up" lasted for about a week or so. I don't even remember how long it was because guess what? I went right back. How can I describe what it's like to try to separate from this man in any way? How I can begin to explain to you why I feel like I have been waiting for him my whole life? What words could I possibly use to get to you to understand that I know I have missed him for hundreds or maybe even thousands of years? I am just not sure how to find those words for you. What I do know is that we have been reunited and yes, it feels so good. We are happier than ever together and I don't want him out of my life ever again.
I have never had a problem walking away from something in my life, be it good or bad. I am usually pretty good at going cold turkey on someone or something. I can't seem to do with with CIC.
In other news, I am going to look at some a couple different apartments today. I have to move out before the end of next month. I am really excited to start my new journey in my new space all alone. That right, all alone. I can't bring my cat with me because the truth is that she makes me sick. Talking about my cat allergies of course. I can't be around her longer than ten minutes without itchy skin and a stuffy nose. Onyxia is a sweetheart but she is definitely my roommate's cat. I'll talk more about my roommate when the time is right. Just know for now that I won't be having this roommate much longer and THANK GOD!!!!!
So much to say, so little time.
Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part II: Find Your Purpose
Instead of being bored, tired, and resentful of the action I am taking toward my goals, I am going to become energized. Living in my purpose is going to energize me. I will be in a state of joy and enlightenment all the time. I will live in bliss. When you start to live in your purpose, the things I didn't think possible become possible. Synchronicity begins to happen. It can be a very terrifying experience to live my purpose. Reality is not what we think it is. It is completely different. What I put in the universe when I am not in alignment with my purpose can yield certain results.
A slight change in perception can alter my life. I have the right recipe but I have the terms mixed up. It's a tiny shift that will give huge results.
What is not purpose? Purpose is not your job, relationship, not what you do every day, not what other people think of you or their ideas.
Purpose is a state of being. It's who I am intrinsically without any labels. My purpose is to wake up to the part of my divinity that I am. I have to get about the business of giving my unique gift to the world and by doing that I give my amazing gift to the world. My purpose is my soul. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. If I am living in my purpose, I will be supported by the universe. If I am not living in my purpose then I will be left to the world to decide my state. The way of the world in the job market, the question has been what value can I extract from my employer? The new question is how can I be of service to the planet? Giving my gift is being of service. My purpose is the center spoke of a wheel. My purpose is way of being. I have to plant myself in my purpose and cultivate so that I can come forward.
The conscious mind is an awareness of what I am doing right now such as typing. My subconscious mind is what beats my heart, holds my memories, grows my nails, the intelligence that creates life inside of me and it goes unused. I have to dig into my subconscious to create the building blocks along with my purpose.
What's my first happiest memory? My birthday on Easter.
Who is there? My family. My mom.
Where do I feel it? In my head.
How did I feel? Special. Happy. I didn't have to do anything to feel loved that day. It was just given.
My second happiest memory? It was hard to come by at first but I remembered it. It was when my dad sold all that candy for us at school.
Who is there? My Dad. I can see my classmates too.
Where do I feel it? I feel it in my head.
How did I feel? Like pride. Surprise. Loved. Cared for. I felt like it was nice or proper thing to do for your children.
And the next? Sitting on grandaddy's lap.
Who is there? Just him and I.
Where do I feel it? I feel this in my heart.
How did I feel? I felt happy. Safe. Fun. Young. I knew that nothing could harm me while I was with him.
What is my earliest romantic memory? I was three years old. I was having a fake wedding in preschool. While we were getting married our wedding got ambushed.
Who is there? Eric was there.
How did I feel? I felt excited. I felt a rush. It was my first kiss. I felt special. Although we had a plan, things went wrong but some how I still felt like we were in this together.
What is my most recent happiest memory? Japan. My birthday.
Who is there? I was with Kumiko and her friends.
How did I feel? I felt safe. Happy. Free. Fun. Special. Adventurous. I accomplished what I wanted to do and took the time all for myself.
All we have to do is remember happy times to feel comfortable and secure. Nothing of my circumstance just changed but I feel great. Look at the common theme here.
Our goal is to follow our bliss and that will lead to where we need to be. What are the through lines in all of my memories? It's very interesting to see all these themes play in my memory. I am surrounded by love in all of them and I never had to say a word. I wasn't doing anything in these memories. I just had to be born and present to experience them. From there I can recognize what my purpose is.
My purpose is to recognize the importance the need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me. Growing up, I didn't always have the opportunity to feel those things and when I don't feel those things, I am not living in my purpose.
A slight change in perception can alter my life. I have the right recipe but I have the terms mixed up. It's a tiny shift that will give huge results.
What is not purpose? Purpose is not your job, relationship, not what you do every day, not what other people think of you or their ideas.
Purpose is a state of being. It's who I am intrinsically without any labels. My purpose is to wake up to the part of my divinity that I am. I have to get about the business of giving my unique gift to the world and by doing that I give my amazing gift to the world. My purpose is my soul. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. If I am living in my purpose, I will be supported by the universe. If I am not living in my purpose then I will be left to the world to decide my state. The way of the world in the job market, the question has been what value can I extract from my employer? The new question is how can I be of service to the planet? Giving my gift is being of service. My purpose is the center spoke of a wheel. My purpose is way of being. I have to plant myself in my purpose and cultivate so that I can come forward.
The conscious mind is an awareness of what I am doing right now such as typing. My subconscious mind is what beats my heart, holds my memories, grows my nails, the intelligence that creates life inside of me and it goes unused. I have to dig into my subconscious to create the building blocks along with my purpose.
What's my first happiest memory? My birthday on Easter.
Who is there? My family. My mom.
Where do I feel it? In my head.
How did I feel? Special. Happy. I didn't have to do anything to feel loved that day. It was just given.
My second happiest memory? It was hard to come by at first but I remembered it. It was when my dad sold all that candy for us at school.
Who is there? My Dad. I can see my classmates too.
Where do I feel it? I feel it in my head.
How did I feel? Like pride. Surprise. Loved. Cared for. I felt like it was nice or proper thing to do for your children.
And the next? Sitting on grandaddy's lap.
Who is there? Just him and I.
Where do I feel it? I feel this in my heart.
How did I feel? I felt happy. Safe. Fun. Young. I knew that nothing could harm me while I was with him.
What is my earliest romantic memory? I was three years old. I was having a fake wedding in preschool. While we were getting married our wedding got ambushed.
Who is there? Eric was there.
How did I feel? I felt excited. I felt a rush. It was my first kiss. I felt special. Although we had a plan, things went wrong but some how I still felt like we were in this together.
What is my most recent happiest memory? Japan. My birthday.
Who is there? I was with Kumiko and her friends.
How did I feel? I felt safe. Happy. Free. Fun. Special. Adventurous. I accomplished what I wanted to do and took the time all for myself.
All we have to do is remember happy times to feel comfortable and secure. Nothing of my circumstance just changed but I feel great. Look at the common theme here.
Our goal is to follow our bliss and that will lead to where we need to be. What are the through lines in all of my memories? It's very interesting to see all these themes play in my memory. I am surrounded by love in all of them and I never had to say a word. I wasn't doing anything in these memories. I just had to be born and present to experience them. From there I can recognize what my purpose is.
My purpose is to recognize the importance the need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me. Growing up, I didn't always have the opportunity to feel those things and when I don't feel those things, I am not living in my purpose.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Endings are beginnings
Well, once again I've decided to call things off with CIC but this time for a better reason. After having a long talk with my dad, I realize that I have to do things that serve my spirit and while I had an intense connection with CIC, it's not worth hurting someone or stealing from someone else. I suppose marriage make your someone's property and that's what I was doing.
Boy have I been a tornado in this man's life. We started as just friends and then we became adulterers. I love him in a way I have never loved anyone before and I know I never will. It has been a huge test to resist what my heart wants. What my flesh wants. What my mind wants. This is good for us. Especially him. The last thing I ever wanted was for his reputation or mine to suffer or for him to have to deal with a more fucked up situation than he already has.
He is a seasoned cheater and his wife does not seem to show any signs of being aware of his treachery. If she found out, she would drag him through the mud and I can't say it would be any less than he deserved. Either way, it's not my business. I must let him do this on his own. If he wants to be single then he must began to live in his truth. I can not help him do it in any other way.
If we can't be together in this lifetime then I must come to terms with that. The amazing thing is that he's always been in my heart. I've always loved him and I will continue to do so. I know why we have chosen to find each other and I am settling into my spiritual mission and bringing myself closer to the divine creator. A standard has been set and I know I can't ever accept anything less. I was treated like a queen by him and that wasn't even on full time. I will never ever accept anything less than this treatment from any man. The thing is I don't want any man.
I also find it interesting that I find it easier to walk away than to be with him. I am afraid to be with him because of how good it feels. How great it would be. I am afraid to commit once again. Why? I think my heart is tender. It's afraid of the risk involved. I am afraid of being not just tied to anyone but to someone I actually want to give love to. I don't think I've ever wanted to give love like this before.
I know I am being hard on myself about feeling like I don't give love enough. That is simply not true. I have given love before and I have been hurt because I expected some things in return that I did not receive. I have an abundance of love to give and my tribe feels loved by me. I feel undeserving. Why? The ego says it's not good enough. She would have me protect my heart rather than open it. Well, I choose to open it.
I have so much to heal from still. I also want to be single for three years. That number sticks out in my mind. I'm afraid to live. I can't be attached right now and if being with someone is something I'm interested in, it can't be someone who is married. It's very possible that before the month is over I will be divorced. Right now that thought stresses me out and makes me feel nauseated. Marriage, though, is something I don't want in my life right now and I am 100% percent ok with that. It's just a bit stressful.
I do hope my future ex husband will be well. I wish him all the best. We got into a ridiculous argument and I've been staying at the Fish bowl. I am ready to go home though. I feel like I am running away and that's not something I want to do anymore. Plus I need to be in my own space. I am happy that my friends have a place for me and I am grateful.
I want to face my problems. I want to be centered and grounded. I want to love and be loved. I want to learn and teach. I want to make my dreams a reality. I want success. I want yoga an running. I want travel. I want my own space. These things I must create.
Boy have I been a tornado in this man's life. We started as just friends and then we became adulterers. I love him in a way I have never loved anyone before and I know I never will. It has been a huge test to resist what my heart wants. What my flesh wants. What my mind wants. This is good for us. Especially him. The last thing I ever wanted was for his reputation or mine to suffer or for him to have to deal with a more fucked up situation than he already has.
He is a seasoned cheater and his wife does not seem to show any signs of being aware of his treachery. If she found out, she would drag him through the mud and I can't say it would be any less than he deserved. Either way, it's not my business. I must let him do this on his own. If he wants to be single then he must began to live in his truth. I can not help him do it in any other way.
If we can't be together in this lifetime then I must come to terms with that. The amazing thing is that he's always been in my heart. I've always loved him and I will continue to do so. I know why we have chosen to find each other and I am settling into my spiritual mission and bringing myself closer to the divine creator. A standard has been set and I know I can't ever accept anything less. I was treated like a queen by him and that wasn't even on full time. I will never ever accept anything less than this treatment from any man. The thing is I don't want any man.
I also find it interesting that I find it easier to walk away than to be with him. I am afraid to be with him because of how good it feels. How great it would be. I am afraid to commit once again. Why? I think my heart is tender. It's afraid of the risk involved. I am afraid of being not just tied to anyone but to someone I actually want to give love to. I don't think I've ever wanted to give love like this before.
I know I am being hard on myself about feeling like I don't give love enough. That is simply not true. I have given love before and I have been hurt because I expected some things in return that I did not receive. I have an abundance of love to give and my tribe feels loved by me. I feel undeserving. Why? The ego says it's not good enough. She would have me protect my heart rather than open it. Well, I choose to open it.
I have so much to heal from still. I also want to be single for three years. That number sticks out in my mind. I'm afraid to live. I can't be attached right now and if being with someone is something I'm interested in, it can't be someone who is married. It's very possible that before the month is over I will be divorced. Right now that thought stresses me out and makes me feel nauseated. Marriage, though, is something I don't want in my life right now and I am 100% percent ok with that. It's just a bit stressful.
I do hope my future ex husband will be well. I wish him all the best. We got into a ridiculous argument and I've been staying at the Fish bowl. I am ready to go home though. I feel like I am running away and that's not something I want to do anymore. Plus I need to be in my own space. I am happy that my friends have a place for me and I am grateful.
I want to face my problems. I want to be centered and grounded. I want to love and be loved. I want to learn and teach. I want to make my dreams a reality. I want success. I want yoga an running. I want travel. I want my own space. These things I must create.
Friday, October 5, 2012
The Rules I Have Broken According To My Father
Theft. Lying. Adultery. Misappropriation (because I'm not average). The fact that I can make someone feel the way that he feels is what I like the most. He's getting more from this. Peace. God. Honor. Dignity. Respect. All these things make me look into the mirror into who I am. I have power to help people on a daily basis. I am able to get rid of my conviction because of my power. I'm not growing. I'm holding myself still. I'm not learning. I'm not teaching. I'm holding myself still. And this is the worse thing. I'm his daughter. We are spiritually connected. He brought me here. I should know. He wants me to have my own. I must leave my twin soul at this time in this life.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Updates and blah
I haven't blogged in a while! What's up with that? Life has been busy but not too busy for blog time! I am currently at a Caribou working on PTW II. I know you're probably thinking, why the hell would she subject herself to that shit again? But here I sit...Trying to make a difference at an airline, in people's lives. Anywho, working now. Just saying hi!!!!
Quick update...filed for Divorce a couple of days ago. Did anyone see that coming? It's surreal. Many thoughts about it I could have (in my Yoda voice). My life is changing rapidly. I have finally begun my relationship with yoga and I don't want to ever look back. I want to become an yoga instructor. I want people to balance mind body and soul. I want them to find their strength and the love that is within from our Divine Creator.
Oh, and in other news, in trying to answer the question, what I am I found an interesting answer that still requires some soul searching. I am an incarnated Angel. The signs and symptoms are there and there is some yes inside of me as it is concerned. My ego is reallllllly fighting hard right now to hold on to power. I will continue to pray and be steadfast. I must not forgot God in everything that I say, do and think. I had a huge relapse the other day by going to a dark place. It wasn't as bad as it could be but I thought I was completely done with it. Apparently another part of me still needed to grow.
Quick update...filed for Divorce a couple of days ago. Did anyone see that coming? It's surreal. Many thoughts about it I could have (in my Yoda voice). My life is changing rapidly. I have finally begun my relationship with yoga and I don't want to ever look back. I want to become an yoga instructor. I want people to balance mind body and soul. I want them to find their strength and the love that is within from our Divine Creator.
Oh, and in other news, in trying to answer the question, what I am I found an interesting answer that still requires some soul searching. I am an incarnated Angel. The signs and symptoms are there and there is some yes inside of me as it is concerned. My ego is reallllllly fighting hard right now to hold on to power. I will continue to pray and be steadfast. I must not forgot God in everything that I say, do and think. I had a huge relapse the other day by going to a dark place. It wasn't as bad as it could be but I thought I was completely done with it. Apparently another part of me still needed to grow.
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