I've had an emotional weekend. I suppose I am at times uncomfortable with my emotions. My family is in dire straights lately and I don't know what to do. I want to help. I don't want to be rejected or used. I do love my family. I don't like their lifestyle.
My stepdad had to get emergency surgery last week. He already has to take dialysis because of scarred kidneys. He somehow contacted a bacterial infection that has him bed ridden. Whatever is causing the bacteria incited the need for back surgery. He is in a lot of pain right now. I've never seen him like this and it was heart breaking. He is a strong and blessed man.
Of course my question is why and I can only come back to ye lifestyle. I helped my sister move some time in December I believe. Her house was out of control and soaked in dust, dirt, and urine from kids and dogs. I put my hands on this and it caused my body to break out very badly. I had a severe allergic reaction to this environment. That same night I went to my mom's house to sleep, but I couldn't sleep.
My mother's house is also a breeding ground for dirt but worse, she has bed bugs in her furniture. They crawled on me and bit me throughout the night. I couldn't sleep. In fact, I was so itchy and drakes out I left my mom's house very early for the airport. I ended up going to CICs house to be taken care of. That environment is no place for children and I worry about my nieces being there.
I haven't told my mom about what happened. My sister has tried to tell her but my mother was unresponsive. The last time I tried to help my family, it didn't go so well. Perhaps my methods are the issue. I feel bad. If something ever happened and I didn't speak up, I would feel worse. My mother. She just either doesn't get it or gets it and is too afraid of her emotions to see what's going on and do something about it.
I came to Chicago to visit my stepdad in the hospital. I only wanted to be here one night. I stayed at Courtney's because I will never sleep at my mother's apartment again. Sunday night my flights cancelled to MSP so I had to stay another night here. I really didn't want to. Especially since my housing options were limited. Staying at Courtney's wasn't bad except for the big tv and pot smoking. Sadly my best option.
Staying at Tiffany's was the only option I had because it was closest to the airport and bug free at the moment. Still kids dirty but not as bad as before. Oh, and my sister has the flu going around and wasn't trying to catch that. I'd take the flu over the bugs though. It's to the point where I don't even want to sit on my mother's couch. Nor did I want to sit my belongs there.
Last time I ended up taking a few bugs with me. I hope I haven't done that this time. I slept with a mask on at my sister's. Didn't breathe that well over there. Somehow I managed to get itchy hands and a few bug bites on me. I did sleep on the blow up bed from my grandmother.
I do want to go there and enjoy my family but they make it hard. My niece had scratches on her back and she casually said it's the bug bites. Something has for to change. They need to know those babies can be taken away if it's known that they are in this environment. Why doesn't anyone see the big picture??
I was not happy yesterday and lost about what to do and why I was still there. I got my soul lessons. My grandmother told me the importance of helping family and also asking for help from family. I have to try again. My race had too me that I can do anything. This is not impossible. I just can't do it alone which is what I tried to do last time. My siblings must support me. We have to do this together.
I was so upset about having to stay another night. This morning a I was leaving my sister's house I saw my brother Cory. He was getting out of a car. He looked sooooo incredibly thin. I haven't seen him that thin since grade school. I called to him, "Co Co!" He didn't recognize it was me at first. When he did he said come here. At first I thought, can't miss my bus but I'm glad I went over.
He gave me a hug. I don't remember the last time I got a hug from my brother. That moment may the entire weekend worth it. And I swear to you he healed me. He sensed my pain and assured me it would be ok like he always does. He will help me. My mother told me one day Cory and I would help her. I think that day has arrived.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
26 Miles
I wrote this on January11, 2013.
Today is the day. Well, not the day day but the beginning of a day or days. I am on a plane now. I am on my way to the WDW marathon weekend. CIC has joined me for this adventure. I have signed up to run a half marathon, 13.1 miles, and a marathon, 26.2 miles in two days. I want the medals. I want the bling. I want the glory. I thrive for the challenge and push of my body. it excites.
Back in September 2012 I did the Disneyland half marathon to earn my coast to coast medal. I earned a lot more than that in that race. The Fish's dad has colon cancer, as you know, so I decided to dedicate my race to him.
He's an amazing man. A mammoth of a man. He's dedicated his entire life to serving god. He's an inspiration. I channeled him that day. He's a fighter. His sprit is tough and he got me trough those miles. The interesting thing is that we've never exchanged many words. I haven't spent that much earth time with him. I know his soul though. His unconditional love. What he gave me that day, I don't know how to thank him for.
I experienced for the first time what it was like to run for someone else and it was amazing. I PR'd that day, running the fastest race I've ever run at 2:14 (2:24 according to the Disney clock). It truly was an amazing experience. Every time I wanted to slow down or give up I thought about how he hasn't given up on this cancer.
I decided a short time after that race I would find 26 people to contemplate on during my marathon to get me through. As my priorities have been out of order, I have not trained for this run physically in the way that I should. However, with my life changes lately and my focus on mind, body, and soul through yoga, I have trained mentally for a run in a way I have never imagined.
My body has some issues right now such as a core in training, a lower back in recovery, overworked hip flexors, and some kind of crazy stress in my neck and traps causing huge knots. Having a mental and spiritual grounding is what will carry me through with those conditions.
So, the 26. I suppose it's time to make a decision on this. 26 people for 26 miles. I think that I haven't been as strong in my relationships with my friend's and family as I should've been in the past. Nevertheless I know I have their unconditional love and they have mine.
Mile 1, Grandma. The matriarch
Mile 2, Najee. The future
Mile 3, Alora. The beginning of a new Williams woman.
Mile 4, Dionne. If I were half as smart and beautiful as she is when I was her age, I'd be unstoppable.
Mile 5, Kitana. An old soul here to bring light to many lives. She knows too much.
Mile 6, Julia. Another old soul. Perhaps a reincarnate. The only one of my nieces I had the opportunity to see in infancy.
Mile 7, Jonathan. What a mission this kid has taken on. His strength will be needed here.
Mile 8, Raja. My protégée I want so much for him.
Mile 9, Tiffany. She'll always be my best friend in a sense. She's so intelligent. She'll know what I need at this mile.
Mile 10, Courtney. The angel in my life, in my family. Push me baby girl!
Mile 11, Shaheed. At this point in any race I'll need the laughter and nurture only he could provide. Mile 11 kinda sucks but shaheed is shawesome!!
Mile 12, Cory. The confidence to know that I can do it. That everything will work out.
Mile 13, my Mother. For many reasons why that I can't type. I'll save the reasons for the race. I am grateful she took me on.
Mile 14, Pep. My father. I'm blessed to have two. No one will ever understand me like he does.
Mile 15, Dennis. My father. My kindred spirit. What an interesting turn of events in our lives.
Mile 16, Laura. Without her support in my life, I wouldn't be running.
Mile 17, Kara. Pronounced like Car. My best friend. A soul mate. My teacher.
Mile 18, Devin. My sister. Holy yoga!! This is the furthest I've ever run before. I need someone in my head who knows what I say and think before I say it.
Mile 19, Cole. My soul mate. For some reason cole will be running next to me in a yellow t-shirt and very short and tight powder blue shorts with a drink in his hand screaming, "oh lord Jesus its a marathon."
Mile 20, my Chica!!!!!!!! Nough said. =D
Mile 21, Carl. My running coach. My twin.
Mile 22, Sandra Tatum. My second mother. My angel. Thank you!
Mile 23, Michele. No matter how long it's been you have still called me a friend. The original Chica. Thank you.
Mile 24, Grandaddy. The patriarch now and forever.
Mile 25, Aunty. No words can say why.
Mile 26.2, Me. Why? Because I know I can hold myself up after all the love I've been given.
I'm ready. I'm grounded. I'm grateful. I'm loved. I am a runner. I am a marathoner. Let's get it!
Today is the day. Well, not the day day but the beginning of a day or days. I am on a plane now. I am on my way to the WDW marathon weekend. CIC has joined me for this adventure. I have signed up to run a half marathon, 13.1 miles, and a marathon, 26.2 miles in two days. I want the medals. I want the bling. I want the glory. I thrive for the challenge and push of my body. it excites.
Back in September 2012 I did the Disneyland half marathon to earn my coast to coast medal. I earned a lot more than that in that race. The Fish's dad has colon cancer, as you know, so I decided to dedicate my race to him.
He's an amazing man. A mammoth of a man. He's dedicated his entire life to serving god. He's an inspiration. I channeled him that day. He's a fighter. His sprit is tough and he got me trough those miles. The interesting thing is that we've never exchanged many words. I haven't spent that much earth time with him. I know his soul though. His unconditional love. What he gave me that day, I don't know how to thank him for.
I experienced for the first time what it was like to run for someone else and it was amazing. I PR'd that day, running the fastest race I've ever run at 2:14 (2:24 according to the Disney clock). It truly was an amazing experience. Every time I wanted to slow down or give up I thought about how he hasn't given up on this cancer.
I decided a short time after that race I would find 26 people to contemplate on during my marathon to get me through. As my priorities have been out of order, I have not trained for this run physically in the way that I should. However, with my life changes lately and my focus on mind, body, and soul through yoga, I have trained mentally for a run in a way I have never imagined.
My body has some issues right now such as a core in training, a lower back in recovery, overworked hip flexors, and some kind of crazy stress in my neck and traps causing huge knots. Having a mental and spiritual grounding is what will carry me through with those conditions.
So, the 26. I suppose it's time to make a decision on this. 26 people for 26 miles. I think that I haven't been as strong in my relationships with my friend's and family as I should've been in the past. Nevertheless I know I have their unconditional love and they have mine.
Mile 1, Grandma. The matriarch
Mile 2, Najee. The future
Mile 3, Alora. The beginning of a new Williams woman.
Mile 4, Dionne. If I were half as smart and beautiful as she is when I was her age, I'd be unstoppable.
Mile 5, Kitana. An old soul here to bring light to many lives. She knows too much.
Mile 6, Julia. Another old soul. Perhaps a reincarnate. The only one of my nieces I had the opportunity to see in infancy.
Mile 7, Jonathan. What a mission this kid has taken on. His strength will be needed here.
Mile 8, Raja. My protégée I want so much for him.
Mile 9, Tiffany. She'll always be my best friend in a sense. She's so intelligent. She'll know what I need at this mile.
Mile 10, Courtney. The angel in my life, in my family. Push me baby girl!
Mile 11, Shaheed. At this point in any race I'll need the laughter and nurture only he could provide. Mile 11 kinda sucks but shaheed is shawesome!!
Mile 12, Cory. The confidence to know that I can do it. That everything will work out.
Mile 13, my Mother. For many reasons why that I can't type. I'll save the reasons for the race. I am grateful she took me on.
Mile 14, Pep. My father. I'm blessed to have two. No one will ever understand me like he does.
Mile 15, Dennis. My father. My kindred spirit. What an interesting turn of events in our lives.
Mile 16, Laura. Without her support in my life, I wouldn't be running.
Mile 17, Kara. Pronounced like Car. My best friend. A soul mate. My teacher.
Mile 18, Devin. My sister. Holy yoga!! This is the furthest I've ever run before. I need someone in my head who knows what I say and think before I say it.
Mile 19, Cole. My soul mate. For some reason cole will be running next to me in a yellow t-shirt and very short and tight powder blue shorts with a drink in his hand screaming, "oh lord Jesus its a marathon."
Mile 20, my Chica!!!!!!!! Nough said. =D
Mile 21, Carl. My running coach. My twin.
Mile 22, Sandra Tatum. My second mother. My angel. Thank you!
Mile 23, Michele. No matter how long it's been you have still called me a friend. The original Chica. Thank you.
Mile 24, Grandaddy. The patriarch now and forever.
Mile 25, Aunty. No words can say why.
Mile 26.2, Me. Why? Because I know I can hold myself up after all the love I've been given.
I'm ready. I'm grounded. I'm grateful. I'm loved. I am a runner. I am a marathoner. Let's get it!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part V
Your purpose is not what you have to do, it's why you are here.
What does it mean for me to be authentic? At this point I should have my intention, my goals, my purpose statement, and a plan of execution written down.
What's my intention?
To feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous.
What are my goals?
To live a healthy and fun life. To be fit and strong. To be financially secure. To love and be loved. To use my gifts to help others.
What is my purpose statement?
My purpose is to recognize the importance and need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me.
What are my grounded action steps?
I should be clear, specific, and measurable. If I reach this criteria it will be more helpful for others.
How have I been feeling since I have come across this knowledge? I feel so much clarity toward my goals and being. I love seeing my experiences as soul lessons that I needed go learn in order to maximize my purpose. I, too, have been holding myself back Raise my standards and I will rise along with them. .
My shoulds have to become my musts. That will help me to align with my integrity.
Program in review
Day 1: all about intentions/the way I want to feel.
Day 2: all about purpose. My purpose and intentions are linked and when I live in my purpose, that is when I will start to manifest my intentions. The place that I come from is what matters.
Day 3: all about getting advice from my future self about what I want to accomplish and the advice I will need to get there.
Day 4: all about stepping outside my comfort zone and using my fear as motivation. If I'm not afraid, then something is wrong.
Day 5: Where do I start?
I can look into a book by Brian Tracy concerning goal setting. Our goals can't be egoic. My major definite purpose is not necessarily as it relates to this course. It is the one thing, that if I accomplish this one thing, it's going to help everything else fall into place. What is that one thing for me? Am I taking action toward this one thing? This purpose can continue to grow and expand. It can also change as I reach that goal.
There are six qualities to my major definite purpose to help everything fall into place.
One: personally want it/something that I want for myself
Two: clear and specific
Three: measurable and quantifiable
Four: believable and achievable
Five: has to have a 50/50 probability of success (baby steps are ok)
Six: has to be in harmony with our other goals. It has to make sense. You can't have abs with French fries everyday.
When I look at my entire list, is there one thing I could do right now to help everything on my list?
Eat a salad everyday.
Eat either beans, fish, or grains high in protein everyday.
Do yoga and run everyday. Yoga 3-4 times a week. Running 2-3 times.
Meditate 5-30 minutes a day.
Write every Monday.
Put $70 into my savings every week.
Sleep by 2130
Study yoga on the weekend.
Crochet every two weeks.
My major definite purpose is to maintain vibrant health and be economically stable by executing the above actions. This will help me focus on the things that matter most and will create trickle effect for everything else.
For 30 days
Wake up everyday and write what I am choosing to do for the day in alignment with my list from above; write out each step and why I'm doing it. It's not a to do list, it's a to be list. It will start my day with an emotional drive. I also need to learn the power of saying no, especially if it will interfere with my intentions. What better reason is there to get up every morning. Reticular Activating Cortex: I am training my brain to look for these things. This is private. Tell only those who will support me. It's between me, God, and my tribe.
What do I think I would feel like in 30 days? I have to schedule this or it won't happen. I have to make and keep a schedule. This is not negotiable. Why I am doing this? What would I rather lose, my dream or sleep? I can get sleep later. My dreams must happen now. Wow. I've been afraid to get out of bed everyday because of what I have to do. This is crazy.
Who are my go to people? Carl. Cole. Devin. :D ♥♡
Who am I going to avoid in the next 30 days? No late nights at the Myers, no late night drinking, take my ass home, not stay at the scene of the crime i.e. Compass, not out of bed after 2130, Netflix is a luxury.
I have to make a schedule to honor my alignment list so that it's not negotiable. I think that the first time I did got afraid of my success. This about taking my power back. Remembering who I am, what my purpose is, and what I have to do to make it happen. What would I rather lose? My dreams or sleep? This is about making myself a priority.
Look at my major definite purpose and write it out. I also didn't seek to find support from the people in my tribe as well. I never scheduled this or had anyone accountable in my life. I had to sit down with Carl and talk to him about really supporting me on this. Maybe even get him to do it with me if he'd like.
This list is not a list of things I am going to be doing for 30 days, it is a process that will become my lifestyle that will jump start over the next 30 days. This is not a 30 day diet or quick fix. This is who I must become without exception. I have to be in my purpose every single day. I have to keep my standards high because I'm going to be surrounded by challenges.
What activities will I not engage in over the next 30 days? I think this would be fitting for my 90 day challenge. Don't return to the scene of the crime. There are some things I should no partake in and some places I should not go. "Here's my major definite purpose and I won't engage in those activities that keep me from who I am." At the end of 30 days I will have momentum and will open the door to create the lifestyle that I want. When we live a life of integrity we become happier.
Go over all of these sessions and put everything together:
Goals
Intentions
Purpose
Fears
How to use fear as feul
What to focus on to make it all come together
What does it mean for me to be authentic? At this point I should have my intention, my goals, my purpose statement, and a plan of execution written down.
What's my intention?
To feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous.
What are my goals?
To live a healthy and fun life. To be fit and strong. To be financially secure. To love and be loved. To use my gifts to help others.
What is my purpose statement?
My purpose is to recognize the importance and need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me.
What are my grounded action steps?
I should be clear, specific, and measurable. If I reach this criteria it will be more helpful for others.
How have I been feeling since I have come across this knowledge? I feel so much clarity toward my goals and being. I love seeing my experiences as soul lessons that I needed go learn in order to maximize my purpose. I, too, have been holding myself back Raise my standards and I will rise along with them. .
My shoulds have to become my musts. That will help me to align with my integrity.
Program in review
Day 1: all about intentions/the way I want to feel.
Day 2: all about purpose. My purpose and intentions are linked and when I live in my purpose, that is when I will start to manifest my intentions. The place that I come from is what matters.
Day 3: all about getting advice from my future self about what I want to accomplish and the advice I will need to get there.
Day 4: all about stepping outside my comfort zone and using my fear as motivation. If I'm not afraid, then something is wrong.
Day 5: Where do I start?
I can look into a book by Brian Tracy concerning goal setting. Our goals can't be egoic. My major definite purpose is not necessarily as it relates to this course. It is the one thing, that if I accomplish this one thing, it's going to help everything else fall into place. What is that one thing for me? Am I taking action toward this one thing? This purpose can continue to grow and expand. It can also change as I reach that goal.
There are six qualities to my major definite purpose to help everything fall into place.
One: personally want it/something that I want for myself
Two: clear and specific
Three: measurable and quantifiable
Four: believable and achievable
Five: has to have a 50/50 probability of success (baby steps are ok)
Six: has to be in harmony with our other goals. It has to make sense. You can't have abs with French fries everyday.
When I look at my entire list, is there one thing I could do right now to help everything on my list?
Eat a salad everyday.
Eat either beans, fish, or grains high in protein everyday.
Do yoga and run everyday. Yoga 3-4 times a week. Running 2-3 times.
Meditate 5-30 minutes a day.
Write every Monday.
Put $70 into my savings every week.
Sleep by 2130
Study yoga on the weekend.
Crochet every two weeks.
My major definite purpose is to maintain vibrant health and be economically stable by executing the above actions. This will help me focus on the things that matter most and will create trickle effect for everything else.
For 30 days
Wake up everyday and write what I am choosing to do for the day in alignment with my list from above; write out each step and why I'm doing it. It's not a to do list, it's a to be list. It will start my day with an emotional drive. I also need to learn the power of saying no, especially if it will interfere with my intentions. What better reason is there to get up every morning. Reticular Activating Cortex: I am training my brain to look for these things. This is private. Tell only those who will support me. It's between me, God, and my tribe.
What do I think I would feel like in 30 days? I have to schedule this or it won't happen. I have to make and keep a schedule. This is not negotiable. Why I am doing this? What would I rather lose, my dream or sleep? I can get sleep later. My dreams must happen now. Wow. I've been afraid to get out of bed everyday because of what I have to do. This is crazy.
Who are my go to people? Carl. Cole. Devin. :D ♥♡
Who am I going to avoid in the next 30 days? No late nights at the Myers, no late night drinking, take my ass home, not stay at the scene of the crime i.e. Compass, not out of bed after 2130, Netflix is a luxury.
I have to make a schedule to honor my alignment list so that it's not negotiable. I think that the first time I did got afraid of my success. This about taking my power back. Remembering who I am, what my purpose is, and what I have to do to make it happen. What would I rather lose? My dreams or sleep? This is about making myself a priority.
Look at my major definite purpose and write it out. I also didn't seek to find support from the people in my tribe as well. I never scheduled this or had anyone accountable in my life. I had to sit down with Carl and talk to him about really supporting me on this. Maybe even get him to do it with me if he'd like.
This list is not a list of things I am going to be doing for 30 days, it is a process that will become my lifestyle that will jump start over the next 30 days. This is not a 30 day diet or quick fix. This is who I must become without exception. I have to be in my purpose every single day. I have to keep my standards high because I'm going to be surrounded by challenges.
What activities will I not engage in over the next 30 days? I think this would be fitting for my 90 day challenge. Don't return to the scene of the crime. There are some things I should no partake in and some places I should not go. "Here's my major definite purpose and I won't engage in those activities that keep me from who I am." At the end of 30 days I will have momentum and will open the door to create the lifestyle that I want. When we live a life of integrity we become happier.
Go over all of these sessions and put everything together:
Goals
Intentions
Purpose
Fears
How to use fear as feul
What to focus on to make it all come together
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part III: Your Soul's Goals Exercize
Setting goals is important. If we set them from a place outside of who we are, it does not work. Trying to set abundance goals from lack does not work. I have clarified my intentions. My intentions are to feel: free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous.
Now that I have an idea of what my purpose is, the reason why I was born, I can move forward. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. Joseph Campbell says, to follow my bliss. This is the difference of a life of destruction and a life of being saved my your gift. If we don't ground our intentions and tangible goals, we won't be able to manifest.
I have to take grounded action in order to maximize the results of my life. If I don't do it, I am not going to live it.
The way that I want to feel.
Intentions are free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous. I am to give this to others. My purpose is to experience and create happiness and freedom in a loving and special way.
What is within me? Creativity. Intuition. Health consciousness.
Without spiritual grounding I won't be able to manifest my goals. I need grounded action. If I don't take action I engage in spiritual entertainment. I must bring clarity into the things I have to do.
I am here to teach what I have to learn. What do I have to learn? Patience. An open heart. Commitment. Motivation. Healthy living. Giving. Saying no. Relaxation. Not worrying or stressing. To be in the moment. To see everything in divine order. Less judgment.
There are things in life that give us energy. When we live in our purpose we are energized by a sustainable energy unlike that of food. There's no need to complicate my own truth. All the work I've been doing up until now has been preparing me for this time in my life.
Soul's goals process
Involves time travel and imagination.
Imagine myself in a green field where anything is possible. A field of infinite possibilities. In this field I see myself a year from now. I have accomplished my goals. I am living in my Soul's purpose.
What have I done within a year to get myself to this place? what have I been able to achieve in one year? What's changed? What one piece of advice could you give me now? Do it. Don't be afraid. Love.
Turn around. Now see another part of myself in the distance. This is me five years from now. Go to this version of me. This is the highest possible version of myself.
Five years from now, what have I accomplished? What miracles have shown up in my life? How's my body? How's my health? How's my bank account? How are my relationships? What career am I in? What do I do most of the time? Why advise can you give me now? I write. I'm a mom. I'm in love. I am healthy. I am financially abundant. I travel and teach. I do yoga most of the time. Stay focused. All will revel itself in time. You will become the empath you were born to be.
As I turn in the field I see myself ten years from now. I ask the same questions. I am here. I am healthy. I am yoga. I am stable. There is comfort and happiness and bliss. A child. A love. A car. Something flies. Things happen in life. That is life. Find peace. It will all settle.
I now see me on my death bed. What is my legacy? What will I make better? What have I left here? Family strength. Community. Be loving in all things. Don't be afraid to love. And smile.
I am a teacher. I gave my life to others. I had a strong family. I was loving so I was never alone, even in death. I lived a long, filling, healthy life. I got to meet my maker after being in his service for many years. I got to be with Carl again. I finally found the path to health and happiness. Wealth and stability. And my child. I do become a mother. I smiled. Things settle and I'm ok with that.
If I had to look at all my goals without a time limit, what would those goals be?
I am an instructor. A teacher and a student of life, light, love, and yoga. I have a practice. I write. I engage. I travel. I am known. I give consultations. I have a child. I have my twin flame. I reach and accept stability. I have a home.
What we think is possible and what is actually possible are two different things. If I am truly living from my purpose, the list above (which is my soul's purpose/the goals my soul wants to achieve), I will blow my mind. So ten years from now, I'll be a lot further along. I have to let go of the things that I think I need to do to be perfect. I simply need to focus on creating these things. I will be energized to do these things from this place.
List of things I can do right now
1. Continue to run
2. Learn more yoga. Practice!!
3. Finish my degree
4. Go to yoga school
5. Be open to love
6. Fall into the flow of the universe
7. Be responsible for what I put inside of me and what I release
8. Learn to drive
9. Keep my relationships strong and loving
10. Invest and save money.
11. Meditate everyday.
12. Grow my own food
13. Learn how to do readings.
14. write my book
15. Appreciate the morning
Grounded action steps are things that start with an action verb. These are the things that will help me to live my goals. I can then be specific about the goals on my list. In the end it will be the culmination of the things on the list. What are the little things I can do right now to get me started? What are the details? The details are where success happens.
Grounded action steps
1. Learn to drive
2. Invest and save my money. Open an IRA with b of a
3. Practice and study yoga. Plan to start yoga training in 6 months.
4. Write my book. Finish my book before the summer time.
5. Meditate daily
6. Make a calendar of your goals. A timeline of events.
7. Write my blog weekly. Soul Lessons Weekly.
This shit right here!!! This that shit. This list is formed from the inside out. How does this list make me feel? Amazing. Unstoppable. Anything is possible. It's about doing this every single day to build spiritual muscle. I need to make a dream board. I have so much clarity right now!!!
I can time travel into the future anytime to call on my higher self to give me the advice I need. The goals I have set are based on my soul's purpose. Pay attention to who I know I am. I live a self approved life. Having a dream job doesn't mean I live my dream life. I have to want my dream life and when I focus on that my career will cater to my soul's goals.
Growing pains will happen but if I give them an empowering meaning, life can be amazing. The list needs to be clarified and it will be. My purpose can manifest in many different ways but there's one thing I can do to truly extend my purpose.
If I'm angry it lets me know I need to do the work.
Purpose is a way of being and when we are that way, it registers into every area of our life. We want to become conscious of these things to actively create them. What are the common themes I am experiencing in my life and how can I cultivate them so that I share them with others? Working toward stability. Being supported by those around me. Always being in a relationship. Teaching. Being in a classroom. Getting physically fit.
Our job is just an extension of our propose. Just a spoke in the wheel. A through line is what my intentions all have in common. Do my best to make a mission statement.What's my mission statement?
Make my faith my trust fund for my endeavors. That's the only investment that I need. This is about surrendering to and working with the divine and it will happen on the universe's time, not mine.
Perhaps self sabotage is not real. Mastin has a theory that since our instincts are to survive it is impossible to wake up and say, I'm going to ruin my life today. Our nervous system wants to keep us alive and when fear comes up we may go into a flight or fight mode. Fear will always be around and this is a good thing. Our goal is to use fear as a motivator or fuel for growth. When we are outside of our comfort zone fear can be used as a compass to show us where to go. We have to train ourselves everyday to step outside our fear everyday.
Right before anything I've ever done, I was scared. It is a common thing that means I'm growing.
Now that I have an idea of what my purpose is, the reason why I was born, I can move forward. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. Joseph Campbell says, to follow my bliss. This is the difference of a life of destruction and a life of being saved my your gift. If we don't ground our intentions and tangible goals, we won't be able to manifest.
I have to take grounded action in order to maximize the results of my life. If I don't do it, I am not going to live it.
The way that I want to feel.
Intentions are free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous. I am to give this to others. My purpose is to experience and create happiness and freedom in a loving and special way.
What is within me? Creativity. Intuition. Health consciousness.
Without spiritual grounding I won't be able to manifest my goals. I need grounded action. If I don't take action I engage in spiritual entertainment. I must bring clarity into the things I have to do.
I am here to teach what I have to learn. What do I have to learn? Patience. An open heart. Commitment. Motivation. Healthy living. Giving. Saying no. Relaxation. Not worrying or stressing. To be in the moment. To see everything in divine order. Less judgment.
There are things in life that give us energy. When we live in our purpose we are energized by a sustainable energy unlike that of food. There's no need to complicate my own truth. All the work I've been doing up until now has been preparing me for this time in my life.
Soul's goals process
Involves time travel and imagination.
Imagine myself in a green field where anything is possible. A field of infinite possibilities. In this field I see myself a year from now. I have accomplished my goals. I am living in my Soul's purpose.
What have I done within a year to get myself to this place? what have I been able to achieve in one year? What's changed? What one piece of advice could you give me now? Do it. Don't be afraid. Love.
Turn around. Now see another part of myself in the distance. This is me five years from now. Go to this version of me. This is the highest possible version of myself.
Five years from now, what have I accomplished? What miracles have shown up in my life? How's my body? How's my health? How's my bank account? How are my relationships? What career am I in? What do I do most of the time? Why advise can you give me now? I write. I'm a mom. I'm in love. I am healthy. I am financially abundant. I travel and teach. I do yoga most of the time. Stay focused. All will revel itself in time. You will become the empath you were born to be.
As I turn in the field I see myself ten years from now. I ask the same questions. I am here. I am healthy. I am yoga. I am stable. There is comfort and happiness and bliss. A child. A love. A car. Something flies. Things happen in life. That is life. Find peace. It will all settle.
I now see me on my death bed. What is my legacy? What will I make better? What have I left here? Family strength. Community. Be loving in all things. Don't be afraid to love. And smile.
I am a teacher. I gave my life to others. I had a strong family. I was loving so I was never alone, even in death. I lived a long, filling, healthy life. I got to meet my maker after being in his service for many years. I got to be with Carl again. I finally found the path to health and happiness. Wealth and stability. And my child. I do become a mother. I smiled. Things settle and I'm ok with that.
If I had to look at all my goals without a time limit, what would those goals be?
I am an instructor. A teacher and a student of life, light, love, and yoga. I have a practice. I write. I engage. I travel. I am known. I give consultations. I have a child. I have my twin flame. I reach and accept stability. I have a home.
What we think is possible and what is actually possible are two different things. If I am truly living from my purpose, the list above (which is my soul's purpose/the goals my soul wants to achieve), I will blow my mind. So ten years from now, I'll be a lot further along. I have to let go of the things that I think I need to do to be perfect. I simply need to focus on creating these things. I will be energized to do these things from this place.
List of things I can do right now
1. Continue to run
2. Learn more yoga. Practice!!
3. Finish my degree
4. Go to yoga school
5. Be open to love
6. Fall into the flow of the universe
7. Be responsible for what I put inside of me and what I release
8. Learn to drive
9. Keep my relationships strong and loving
10. Invest and save money.
11. Meditate everyday.
12. Grow my own food
13. Learn how to do readings.
14. write my book
15. Appreciate the morning
Grounded action steps are things that start with an action verb. These are the things that will help me to live my goals. I can then be specific about the goals on my list. In the end it will be the culmination of the things on the list. What are the little things I can do right now to get me started? What are the details? The details are where success happens.
Grounded action steps
1. Learn to drive
2. Invest and save my money. Open an IRA with b of a
3. Practice and study yoga. Plan to start yoga training in 6 months.
4. Write my book. Finish my book before the summer time.
5. Meditate daily
6. Make a calendar of your goals. A timeline of events.
7. Write my blog weekly. Soul Lessons Weekly.
This shit right here!!! This that shit. This list is formed from the inside out. How does this list make me feel? Amazing. Unstoppable. Anything is possible. It's about doing this every single day to build spiritual muscle. I need to make a dream board. I have so much clarity right now!!!
I can time travel into the future anytime to call on my higher self to give me the advice I need. The goals I have set are based on my soul's purpose. Pay attention to who I know I am. I live a self approved life. Having a dream job doesn't mean I live my dream life. I have to want my dream life and when I focus on that my career will cater to my soul's goals.
Growing pains will happen but if I give them an empowering meaning, life can be amazing. The list needs to be clarified and it will be. My purpose can manifest in many different ways but there's one thing I can do to truly extend my purpose.
If I'm angry it lets me know I need to do the work.
Purpose is a way of being and when we are that way, it registers into every area of our life. We want to become conscious of these things to actively create them. What are the common themes I am experiencing in my life and how can I cultivate them so that I share them with others? Working toward stability. Being supported by those around me. Always being in a relationship. Teaching. Being in a classroom. Getting physically fit.
Our job is just an extension of our propose. Just a spoke in the wheel. A through line is what my intentions all have in common. Do my best to make a mission statement.What's my mission statement?
Make my faith my trust fund for my endeavors. That's the only investment that I need. This is about surrendering to and working with the divine and it will happen on the universe's time, not mine.
Perhaps self sabotage is not real. Mastin has a theory that since our instincts are to survive it is impossible to wake up and say, I'm going to ruin my life today. Our nervous system wants to keep us alive and when fear comes up we may go into a flight or fight mode. Fear will always be around and this is a good thing. Our goal is to use fear as a motivator or fuel for growth. When we are outside of our comfort zone fear can be used as a compass to show us where to go. We have to train ourselves everyday to step outside our fear everyday.
Right before anything I've ever done, I was scared. It is a common thing that means I'm growing.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Actualizing My Soul's Goal IV
Actualizing My Soul's Goal IV
My comfort zone can be the factor to keep me from living through my intentions. I must use caution. Positive mind. Neutral mind. Negative mind. There is a such thing as balance. The negative and positive mind must be consulted to reach the neutral mind.
I am afraid for a reason. The nervous system is designed to keep us alive. When we genuinely have a fear, we may think we're going to die because that's how our bodies are trained.
Jo Campbell says, the cave that I fear to enter holds the treasure that I seek. My fear is always a good sign. I have to embrace my fear as a sign of wisdom and being on the right path.
There's a sense of genuine anxiety of not knowing why we're afraid. This is cool because I always tell myself when running that I'm not going to die by continuing to run. There's nothing wrong with us because we instinctively want to survive. It just means we have to step into and believe in our soul. There is apart of who we are that wants to fulfill the goals and intentions.
Fear and limiting beliefs
What is the meaning behind the fear? Most of the time we are so focused on what we're afraid of that we don't focus on what we want to create.
This is what Iyanla meant by pee flowing down your leg. In order for me to reach my goals it must be a lifestyle. It has to become who I am and who I will be moving forward. I have to become this.
What do I have to do to achieve my goals? What do I think is not possible? What do I feel is in the way of why I won't reach my goals?
1. My stomach has always been this way
2. My family is poor and it will be harder for me to achieve financial success because of it. Plus I will have to help them and that's a huge responsibility.
3. I will leave Carl because that's what I do. I will fall out of love with him (that seems ridiculous to even write)
4. Maybe I'm not fertile.
5. I seem to have trouble finishing what I start.
6. I'm too young and not experienced enough
7. It will cost too much money.
We are experts in what we're afraid of so it's easy to make this list.
Every human being has two fears: I'm not enough to be loved and I'm not good enough. If I ran a multibillion dollar company and profits were down 50%. How would I feel? Anyone in any position of power is going to have problems of concern. If I am worried about being concerned about certain aspects of my dreams that means I care. Means I am on the right track. Every time I try something there will be things I could learn from each try. Sometimes being bad at something is teaching you how to be good at it. I need to simply apply my mistakes. What I'm really doing is learning. Could my desire to give up CC have to do with not doing things well?
Won't know how
My stomach has always been this way.
What do I need to learn? To get rid of this belief that some other force other than myself is the root cause. How to maintain a strong core and flat tummy. Commitment. Patience
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Perhaps lifetime. Yoga seemed to be great.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Devin can teach me how to maintain it.
What do I know how to do right now? That sugar doesn't help and should be limited. I know yoga will do it. I have to do this now.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, my struggles help to create empathy.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Yes, Carl!
I don't have the money nor am I good with it.
What do I need to learn? To release my beliefs about not deserving this or it being too hard. How to make better decisions. To save. To invest. To be patient.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Bank of America can get me started. Nancy
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Nancy
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it. Budget.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, my family can learn money and create wealth.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Yes, Carl and Nancy.
I will leave Carl.
What do I need to learn? To release my past. Commitment. Love. Trust. Loyalty.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? By being with him.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? My mom must know a thing or two. The Myers. The Ozo's. The Gunderson's
What do I know how to do right now? Be faithful. Communicate.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes. It's ok to choose love over time. As long as we continue to work toward each other and not let the fear from our past relationships run this one in a negative way.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Carl and i can do this!
I'm too young
What do I need to learn? Age ain't nothing but a number and apparently another tactic by my ego to drive. Pffft!
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Mastin is a great example.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Mastin!!!!
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it. Use my gift and be open to learning. I built ptw, I can build anything else.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Of course!!!
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Carl, Mastin.
I seem to have trouble finishing what I start.
What do I need to learn? To stop holding myself to this nonexistent level of perfection.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Kara is good at seeing things through. Also through my current commitments.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Kara. Carl. Devin.
What do I know how to do right now? I am very creative and good at handling problems when they arise.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, these things have been proven through PTW.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Kara.
I can aapply these questions to my fears.
What do I need to learn?
Where's the best place to go to learn it?
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them?
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives?
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me
If I plan to run an organization I will have problems to deal with and that's normal. Personal integrity is how I build self esteem. When I hold myself accountable, I can enhance my self worth. It's a great start to take the pictures of my food.
What are empowering questions about failure? What is my definition of failure? Not doing something well. Not finishing what I start. Not meeting deadlines. Is it actually possible for me to fail or is it simply producing a result? And jn that regard, what is success? Do I feel afraid? A bit but it's a good fear.
I'm not good enough according to who? Myself, the standards I have set for myself. Why wouldn't I be enough? I have set some standard for myself and I don't even know what those standards are. What is the measure of me feeling good about myself. People living at their higher purpose are independent of what other people think. I have been defined by my own opinion.
Where is this feeling coming from? Where is this measurement coming from? How will I know that I'm enough? If I am disconnected from god, then these feelings will arise. If this moment were divine grace, what would that mean about me? This is especially important for the tough moments. This work is for those willing to do the work. Am I willing to do the work?
I need to incorporate spiritual meaning into everything I do. What makes me feel connected to a power greater than myself? To god? Prayer. Loving relationships. What can I do everyday to feel connected with god? Study. Be open to learning. Live in my gift. What practice brings me closer to god? Praying. Listening. I have to live on faith. Everything must be in alignment with my purpose. God is so good. What of the fish?
I don't have to know everything to get started. Knowing that water is made of h2o is irrelevant to my thirst. It's good to know but it's the experience and action of drinking water that is important. In order to accomplish my dream, I might have to experience some downs, some growth spurts. Seeds don't grow overnight. I also have to come from a loving place, a giving space.
I can be such a brat sometimes. Everything that I am going through right now is preparing me. Are hitting road blocks a reason to quit or to push forward? Push forward. What are my limiting beliefs around my dreams? That my dreams are too big for me which is insulting to god. Also that I shouldn't dream. My ego will do everything it can to keep me in my comfort zone because that's when it's in the driving seat.
Is it rejection or feedback? Rejection is feedback. Is there something greater in store? Always!! I am not wrong for being afraid. There's always a reason for it. How am I going to choose to respond to this fear?
Masculine energy is a heat seeking missile. I can hone in on it by asking the following questions.
What do I want?
Why do I want it?
What do I have to do to make it happen?
Purpose can be concrete and illusive. It can show up in every area of my life. If I try honing in on my purpose, what do I fear will happen? Imaginary failure. Why do I have a lack of commitment? Afraid of being left by it. Why have I lived with this sorta go with the flow attitude? Why am I afraid of commitment? I don't want to choose one thing and be wrong. I thought with my ex that I wanted a certain type of life and when that didn't go well, I was wrong, unhappy, bored. I don't want to feel that again. I've chosen not to be attached and committed to anyone or anything because of that experience. I wasn't connected to god nor did I seek him first in my relationship.
No matter what I am doing, the through line of who I am will be present. I was afraid of me for so long that I have created many things that I thought would keep me from essentially being wrong again. I had thought for the longest time that something must be wrong with who I am since I made what I thought were mistakes. What would happen if I commit? I have to balanced the masculine of getting what I want and the feminine of letting go. Spontaneous creation can exist within structure. The structure can be a deadline and paperwork.
My comfort zone can be the factor to keep me from living through my intentions. I must use caution. Positive mind. Neutral mind. Negative mind. There is a such thing as balance. The negative and positive mind must be consulted to reach the neutral mind.
I am afraid for a reason. The nervous system is designed to keep us alive. When we genuinely have a fear, we may think we're going to die because that's how our bodies are trained.
Jo Campbell says, the cave that I fear to enter holds the treasure that I seek. My fear is always a good sign. I have to embrace my fear as a sign of wisdom and being on the right path.
There's a sense of genuine anxiety of not knowing why we're afraid. This is cool because I always tell myself when running that I'm not going to die by continuing to run. There's nothing wrong with us because we instinctively want to survive. It just means we have to step into and believe in our soul. There is apart of who we are that wants to fulfill the goals and intentions.
Fear and limiting beliefs
What is the meaning behind the fear? Most of the time we are so focused on what we're afraid of that we don't focus on what we want to create.
This is what Iyanla meant by pee flowing down your leg. In order for me to reach my goals it must be a lifestyle. It has to become who I am and who I will be moving forward. I have to become this.
What do I have to do to achieve my goals? What do I think is not possible? What do I feel is in the way of why I won't reach my goals?
1. My stomach has always been this way
2. My family is poor and it will be harder for me to achieve financial success because of it. Plus I will have to help them and that's a huge responsibility.
3. I will leave Carl because that's what I do. I will fall out of love with him (that seems ridiculous to even write)
4. Maybe I'm not fertile.
5. I seem to have trouble finishing what I start.
6. I'm too young and not experienced enough
7. It will cost too much money.
We are experts in what we're afraid of so it's easy to make this list.
Every human being has two fears: I'm not enough to be loved and I'm not good enough. If I ran a multibillion dollar company and profits were down 50%. How would I feel? Anyone in any position of power is going to have problems of concern. If I am worried about being concerned about certain aspects of my dreams that means I care. Means I am on the right track. Every time I try something there will be things I could learn from each try. Sometimes being bad at something is teaching you how to be good at it. I need to simply apply my mistakes. What I'm really doing is learning. Could my desire to give up CC have to do with not doing things well?
Won't know how
My stomach has always been this way.
What do I need to learn? To get rid of this belief that some other force other than myself is the root cause. How to maintain a strong core and flat tummy. Commitment. Patience
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Perhaps lifetime. Yoga seemed to be great.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Devin can teach me how to maintain it.
What do I know how to do right now? That sugar doesn't help and should be limited. I know yoga will do it. I have to do this now.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, my struggles help to create empathy.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Yes, Carl!
I don't have the money nor am I good with it.
What do I need to learn? To release my beliefs about not deserving this or it being too hard. How to make better decisions. To save. To invest. To be patient.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Bank of America can get me started. Nancy
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Nancy
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it. Budget.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, my family can learn money and create wealth.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Yes, Carl and Nancy.
I will leave Carl.
What do I need to learn? To release my past. Commitment. Love. Trust. Loyalty.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? By being with him.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? My mom must know a thing or two. The Myers. The Ozo's. The Gunderson's
What do I know how to do right now? Be faithful. Communicate.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes. It's ok to choose love over time. As long as we continue to work toward each other and not let the fear from our past relationships run this one in a negative way.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Carl and i can do this!
I'm too young
What do I need to learn? Age ain't nothing but a number and apparently another tactic by my ego to drive. Pffft!
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Mastin is a great example.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Mastin!!!!
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it. Use my gift and be open to learning. I built ptw, I can build anything else.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Of course!!!
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Carl, Mastin.
I seem to have trouble finishing what I start.
What do I need to learn? To stop holding myself to this nonexistent level of perfection.
Where's the best place to go to learn it? Kara is good at seeing things through. Also through my current commitments.
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them? Kara. Carl. Devin.
What do I know how to do right now? I am very creative and good at handling problems when they arise.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives? Yes, these things have been proven through PTW.
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me? Kara.
I can aapply these questions to my fears.
What do I need to learn?
Where's the best place to go to learn it?
Who is already successful and what can I learn from them?
What do I know how to do right now? I may not have the money but I have the ability in me to do something to get it.
Can what I already know be helpful to other people's lives?
Is there anyone in my life that can be an accountability partner for me
If I plan to run an organization I will have problems to deal with and that's normal. Personal integrity is how I build self esteem. When I hold myself accountable, I can enhance my self worth. It's a great start to take the pictures of my food.
What are empowering questions about failure? What is my definition of failure? Not doing something well. Not finishing what I start. Not meeting deadlines. Is it actually possible for me to fail or is it simply producing a result? And jn that regard, what is success? Do I feel afraid? A bit but it's a good fear.
I'm not good enough according to who? Myself, the standards I have set for myself. Why wouldn't I be enough? I have set some standard for myself and I don't even know what those standards are. What is the measure of me feeling good about myself. People living at their higher purpose are independent of what other people think. I have been defined by my own opinion.
Where is this feeling coming from? Where is this measurement coming from? How will I know that I'm enough? If I am disconnected from god, then these feelings will arise. If this moment were divine grace, what would that mean about me? This is especially important for the tough moments. This work is for those willing to do the work. Am I willing to do the work?
I need to incorporate spiritual meaning into everything I do. What makes me feel connected to a power greater than myself? To god? Prayer. Loving relationships. What can I do everyday to feel connected with god? Study. Be open to learning. Live in my gift. What practice brings me closer to god? Praying. Listening. I have to live on faith. Everything must be in alignment with my purpose. God is so good. What of the fish?
I don't have to know everything to get started. Knowing that water is made of h2o is irrelevant to my thirst. It's good to know but it's the experience and action of drinking water that is important. In order to accomplish my dream, I might have to experience some downs, some growth spurts. Seeds don't grow overnight. I also have to come from a loving place, a giving space.
I can be such a brat sometimes. Everything that I am going through right now is preparing me. Are hitting road blocks a reason to quit or to push forward? Push forward. What are my limiting beliefs around my dreams? That my dreams are too big for me which is insulting to god. Also that I shouldn't dream. My ego will do everything it can to keep me in my comfort zone because that's when it's in the driving seat.
Is it rejection or feedback? Rejection is feedback. Is there something greater in store? Always!! I am not wrong for being afraid. There's always a reason for it. How am I going to choose to respond to this fear?
Masculine energy is a heat seeking missile. I can hone in on it by asking the following questions.
What do I want?
Why do I want it?
What do I have to do to make it happen?
Purpose can be concrete and illusive. It can show up in every area of my life. If I try honing in on my purpose, what do I fear will happen? Imaginary failure. Why do I have a lack of commitment? Afraid of being left by it. Why have I lived with this sorta go with the flow attitude? Why am I afraid of commitment? I don't want to choose one thing and be wrong. I thought with my ex that I wanted a certain type of life and when that didn't go well, I was wrong, unhappy, bored. I don't want to feel that again. I've chosen not to be attached and committed to anyone or anything because of that experience. I wasn't connected to god nor did I seek him first in my relationship.
No matter what I am doing, the through line of who I am will be present. I was afraid of me for so long that I have created many things that I thought would keep me from essentially being wrong again. I had thought for the longest time that something must be wrong with who I am since I made what I thought were mistakes. What would happen if I commit? I have to balanced the masculine of getting what I want and the feminine of letting go. Spontaneous creation can exist within structure. The structure can be a deadline and paperwork.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Back, Back, Back, and Forth
Oh boy...
Per my last blog, I had left CIC once again. That poor man. That "break-up" lasted for about a week or so. I don't even remember how long it was because guess what? I went right back. How can I describe what it's like to try to separate from this man in any way? How I can begin to explain to you why I feel like I have been waiting for him my whole life? What words could I possibly use to get to you to understand that I know I have missed him for hundreds or maybe even thousands of years? I am just not sure how to find those words for you. What I do know is that we have been reunited and yes, it feels so good. We are happier than ever together and I don't want him out of my life ever again.
I have never had a problem walking away from something in my life, be it good or bad. I am usually pretty good at going cold turkey on someone or something. I can't seem to do with with CIC.
In other news, I am going to look at some a couple different apartments today. I have to move out before the end of next month. I am really excited to start my new journey in my new space all alone. That right, all alone. I can't bring my cat with me because the truth is that she makes me sick. Talking about my cat allergies of course. I can't be around her longer than ten minutes without itchy skin and a stuffy nose. Onyxia is a sweetheart but she is definitely my roommate's cat. I'll talk more about my roommate when the time is right. Just know for now that I won't be having this roommate much longer and THANK GOD!!!!!
So much to say, so little time.
Per my last blog, I had left CIC once again. That poor man. That "break-up" lasted for about a week or so. I don't even remember how long it was because guess what? I went right back. How can I describe what it's like to try to separate from this man in any way? How I can begin to explain to you why I feel like I have been waiting for him my whole life? What words could I possibly use to get to you to understand that I know I have missed him for hundreds or maybe even thousands of years? I am just not sure how to find those words for you. What I do know is that we have been reunited and yes, it feels so good. We are happier than ever together and I don't want him out of my life ever again.
I have never had a problem walking away from something in my life, be it good or bad. I am usually pretty good at going cold turkey on someone or something. I can't seem to do with with CIC.
In other news, I am going to look at some a couple different apartments today. I have to move out before the end of next month. I am really excited to start my new journey in my new space all alone. That right, all alone. I can't bring my cat with me because the truth is that she makes me sick. Talking about my cat allergies of course. I can't be around her longer than ten minutes without itchy skin and a stuffy nose. Onyxia is a sweetheart but she is definitely my roommate's cat. I'll talk more about my roommate when the time is right. Just know for now that I won't be having this roommate much longer and THANK GOD!!!!!
So much to say, so little time.
Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part II: Find Your Purpose
Instead of being bored, tired, and resentful of the action I am taking toward my goals, I am going to become energized. Living in my purpose is going to energize me. I will be in a state of joy and enlightenment all the time. I will live in bliss. When you start to live in your purpose, the things I didn't think possible become possible. Synchronicity begins to happen. It can be a very terrifying experience to live my purpose. Reality is not what we think it is. It is completely different. What I put in the universe when I am not in alignment with my purpose can yield certain results.
A slight change in perception can alter my life. I have the right recipe but I have the terms mixed up. It's a tiny shift that will give huge results.
What is not purpose? Purpose is not your job, relationship, not what you do every day, not what other people think of you or their ideas.
Purpose is a state of being. It's who I am intrinsically without any labels. My purpose is to wake up to the part of my divinity that I am. I have to get about the business of giving my unique gift to the world and by doing that I give my amazing gift to the world. My purpose is my soul. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. If I am living in my purpose, I will be supported by the universe. If I am not living in my purpose then I will be left to the world to decide my state. The way of the world in the job market, the question has been what value can I extract from my employer? The new question is how can I be of service to the planet? Giving my gift is being of service. My purpose is the center spoke of a wheel. My purpose is way of being. I have to plant myself in my purpose and cultivate so that I can come forward.
The conscious mind is an awareness of what I am doing right now such as typing. My subconscious mind is what beats my heart, holds my memories, grows my nails, the intelligence that creates life inside of me and it goes unused. I have to dig into my subconscious to create the building blocks along with my purpose.
What's my first happiest memory? My birthday on Easter.
Who is there? My family. My mom.
Where do I feel it? In my head.
How did I feel? Special. Happy. I didn't have to do anything to feel loved that day. It was just given.
My second happiest memory? It was hard to come by at first but I remembered it. It was when my dad sold all that candy for us at school.
Who is there? My Dad. I can see my classmates too.
Where do I feel it? I feel it in my head.
How did I feel? Like pride. Surprise. Loved. Cared for. I felt like it was nice or proper thing to do for your children.
And the next? Sitting on grandaddy's lap.
Who is there? Just him and I.
Where do I feel it? I feel this in my heart.
How did I feel? I felt happy. Safe. Fun. Young. I knew that nothing could harm me while I was with him.
What is my earliest romantic memory? I was three years old. I was having a fake wedding in preschool. While we were getting married our wedding got ambushed.
Who is there? Eric was there.
How did I feel? I felt excited. I felt a rush. It was my first kiss. I felt special. Although we had a plan, things went wrong but some how I still felt like we were in this together.
What is my most recent happiest memory? Japan. My birthday.
Who is there? I was with Kumiko and her friends.
How did I feel? I felt safe. Happy. Free. Fun. Special. Adventurous. I accomplished what I wanted to do and took the time all for myself.
All we have to do is remember happy times to feel comfortable and secure. Nothing of my circumstance just changed but I feel great. Look at the common theme here.
Our goal is to follow our bliss and that will lead to where we need to be. What are the through lines in all of my memories? It's very interesting to see all these themes play in my memory. I am surrounded by love in all of them and I never had to say a word. I wasn't doing anything in these memories. I just had to be born and present to experience them. From there I can recognize what my purpose is.
My purpose is to recognize the importance the need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me. Growing up, I didn't always have the opportunity to feel those things and when I don't feel those things, I am not living in my purpose.
A slight change in perception can alter my life. I have the right recipe but I have the terms mixed up. It's a tiny shift that will give huge results.
What is not purpose? Purpose is not your job, relationship, not what you do every day, not what other people think of you or their ideas.
Purpose is a state of being. It's who I am intrinsically without any labels. My purpose is to wake up to the part of my divinity that I am. I have to get about the business of giving my unique gift to the world and by doing that I give my amazing gift to the world. My purpose is my soul. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me. If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. If I am living in my purpose, I will be supported by the universe. If I am not living in my purpose then I will be left to the world to decide my state. The way of the world in the job market, the question has been what value can I extract from my employer? The new question is how can I be of service to the planet? Giving my gift is being of service. My purpose is the center spoke of a wheel. My purpose is way of being. I have to plant myself in my purpose and cultivate so that I can come forward.
The conscious mind is an awareness of what I am doing right now such as typing. My subconscious mind is what beats my heart, holds my memories, grows my nails, the intelligence that creates life inside of me and it goes unused. I have to dig into my subconscious to create the building blocks along with my purpose.
What's my first happiest memory? My birthday on Easter.
Who is there? My family. My mom.
Where do I feel it? In my head.
How did I feel? Special. Happy. I didn't have to do anything to feel loved that day. It was just given.
My second happiest memory? It was hard to come by at first but I remembered it. It was when my dad sold all that candy for us at school.
Who is there? My Dad. I can see my classmates too.
Where do I feel it? I feel it in my head.
How did I feel? Like pride. Surprise. Loved. Cared for. I felt like it was nice or proper thing to do for your children.
And the next? Sitting on grandaddy's lap.
Who is there? Just him and I.
Where do I feel it? I feel this in my heart.
How did I feel? I felt happy. Safe. Fun. Young. I knew that nothing could harm me while I was with him.
What is my earliest romantic memory? I was three years old. I was having a fake wedding in preschool. While we were getting married our wedding got ambushed.
Who is there? Eric was there.
How did I feel? I felt excited. I felt a rush. It was my first kiss. I felt special. Although we had a plan, things went wrong but some how I still felt like we were in this together.
What is my most recent happiest memory? Japan. My birthday.
Who is there? I was with Kumiko and her friends.
How did I feel? I felt safe. Happy. Free. Fun. Special. Adventurous. I accomplished what I wanted to do and took the time all for myself.
All we have to do is remember happy times to feel comfortable and secure. Nothing of my circumstance just changed but I feel great. Look at the common theme here.
Our goal is to follow our bliss and that will lead to where we need to be. What are the through lines in all of my memories? It's very interesting to see all these themes play in my memory. I am surrounded by love in all of them and I never had to say a word. I wasn't doing anything in these memories. I just had to be born and present to experience them. From there I can recognize what my purpose is.
My purpose is to recognize the importance the need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me. Growing up, I didn't always have the opportunity to feel those things and when I don't feel those things, I am not living in my purpose.
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