Another Neck Injury?!?!?

I seem to have injured my neck in yoga practice.  Trying to ask the right questions, I have asked what I can learn from this even?  I already know pain doesn't feel good so that's not what I am to learn. I use to spend do much time in deep analysis of so many things when the truth of the matter is always in plain site. Here's how I hurt my neck...this time.

I was in a yoga class where three new instructors were in training.  One of the instructors while giving instructions started to walk backwards in my direction while I was in Chaturanga Dandasana moving into upward facing dog.  You can google this for an image.  I saw this woman backing into me so I whispered, "hey! Whoa! Whoa! " I then proceeded to bend and extend my back in upward dog to avoid collision.  

She finally got the message and stopped herself right before stepping on my mat.  As I continued into downward dog, I felt an all too familiar pain in my neck.I immediately took a child's pose and stretched my neck.  It was not feeling well.  Stupidly though I continued my practice and then went home.  It was there that the reality of the situation kicked in: I was seriously hurt and this pain was similar to my turbulence injury.  Dammit!

I couldn't move my neck more than 20 degrees in either direction.  I decided to book a visit with a chiropractor. I was upset but I was trying to figure out the reason this familiar pain resurfaced.   It took a day in a half but I'm finally understanding this.  It was so simple to figure out and I figured it out by five events that I will try to sum up in five paragraphs.

A text message from the Ex. 
I posted, "stupid neck..." on my Facebook status and my ex husband sent a text asking how I was doing.  For some reason this immediately made me angry.  I thought, "how dare you be concerned about my pain now.  You didn't seem concerned when we were married. " Ladies and gentlemen,  meet my ego. I am so grateful for the spiritual growth I am having because I was able to catch her before she was unleashed. Instead I figured out she was trying to tell me she was holding to some shit from the past that doesn't serve my present anymore.  Guess who told me this? My wonderful ex husband in his text message: "just remember that this is not like your injury and you will be fine in no time." He is one of the most beautiful souls I know and boy does he know me well.  So grateful for him.  It was time to not only let go of my past but to appreciate all he haf done to support me and show that he cares.   He has always cared.

Checking out my body
I told you I could only turn my neck about 20 degrees in either direction. Well, it literally hurt to try to look back at my ass and see if it looked bad in my pants.  Was it worth it? Why did I even care what my ass looked like, especially in the situation I was in? I've been accepting my beauty lately. I've been loving my body ad the unique temple that it is.  No one can love my body like me and I cam either choose to appreciate it without insecurities or have negative feelings about it. The pain I felt checking out my ass was a reminder that I am no longer concerned with things of those nature and it will only cause me pain.

Looking at someone else's body
This one will be pretty similar to the above two  lessons.  I use to be much worse than I am now and I know I'm not alone.  Women are always checking out other women.  We sit there and judge them and ourselves. Even if it's just subconscious.   It needs to stop.  It's not a behavior I want to continue.   I caught myself doing this yesterday and it hurt my neck.  It's another friendly reminder that this journey is not about this body.  I can pretty only look forward right now which means there is no need to look back.  I need to stay focused on what's in front of me and how I feel. 

A video about motivation, success, and dreams on Facebook
This was an amazing video.  It had powerful words and showed people working out hard-core to reach their dreams. At first my ego didn't care for this for the simple fact that because I am injured the way that I am, I can't do the physical things I want like yoga asanas.  I am on bed rest for healing right now.   It just hit me now that my yoga practice was focusing too much on body.  I was neglecting the mind and soul connection that is so vital to my growth.  Sometimes the universe will cause extreme things to happen to get you balanced again.   Just because I can't physically practice yoga doesn't mean I have to pause my dreams.  I am going to hard on yoga right now because my dream is to be a great yoga instructor.   I am here to teach whatbi am here to learn.   Yoga can be practiced through injury.   I am here to learn this right now so that I may teach it.  God is good.

Yoga Sutra Book Two Sutra 1
And now the icing on the cake.  Pain is of service to me, to all of us.  In the midst of it when it debilitates you it's extremely hard to see this, to feel this, to understand it. From my experience I can tell you that this is absolutely true.  Pain is an alert that an issue in your body needs to be addressed.  Pain tells you to be careful, use proper form, slow down.  I am grateful for this pain.  It sounds insane but that is the truth.  In the end my pain tells me to look forward,  not backwards. 

Not Sure What I'm Feeling

I woke up today with the intent to have an attitude of gratitude. I began being thankful for another day, another opportunity. I focused on my inspiration board. Yet there's no fuel to this fire. I'm not exactly sure where these feelings and thoughts have come from. They don't feel good.

Today I didn't feel like eating. I'm lying in bed right now though I got plenty of rest last night. I feel so sad. I don't want to talk to CIC. I just want to lay here in my room and be sad. I have a choice. My thoughts have so much power. I can channel my energy to positive things. I can claim perfect health.

I just don't feel right. Something is off. I wonder if it's this nuva ring that I'm on. I seriously feel like this emotional outburst came out of left field. Makes no sense especially since I figured out a lot of issues yesterday. Is this stress comforting to me? I don't need it anymore. I can create the things that I want and need.

Why don't I want to do anything? It's only been 29 years. What am I living for? What is my purpose. I know these things. Why don't I want to live in it? I fear there'll be no time for me and what I want. Why wouldn't I want my destiny? Too much work. Why do I want laziness? I wish I never heard the words, I don't feel like it. Thanks mom. I must shake that off.

If I am to do his bidding then there is no choice in the matter. You say use me lord and then you lay around when there's work to be done. Are you sincere? Do you have what it takes? After 40 miles you can no longer say that you can't. Get up and move.

30 Days of Gratitude

After writing the title of this post I hesitate to write what I originally intended to write as it doesn't seem gracious. I made a 90 day challenge with CIC and to myself to be able to do a handstand. This challenge started on the 3/1. Within the first 2-3 weeks I successfully performed a tripod headstand. I couldn't believe how strong I am. That move was a huge milestone for me.

I cut out added sugar the first 30 days. The current 30 days is 30 days of gratitude. That means that no matter what's happening around me I must be grateful. Everything is working for me not against me. I have to be grateful for how it moves in my life. How I move my life. I've realized how much I didn't appreciate the things that I have. I have so much!!! This has also made me realize some things about my past.

The first time I prepped to do a headstand months ago I cried because the pressure on my head reminded me of my turbulence incident. I have come a long way. It's funny how writing things can bring you to the answers you seek. Something about my life with Carl reminds me of my time with Luis. It makes me want to run away. What discomfort do I feel now? This turbulence incident will keep working on me...

I don't acknowledge how far I've come sometimes. On this path of gratitude I realize that I don't appreciate myself. I don't take time to acknowledge my accomplishments and hard work. I am a better and more loving person everyday yet my ego finds ways to tell me I'm not good enough. What I've done is not enough. And that I don't deserve my blessings because of the terrible things I have done. Then guilt weighs in. Then negative thinking finds its way in.

I am so happy. I had a great day yesterday. The more I appreciate the more I start to give and receive. I have to have more faith. I have to know I am loved I can love. Love. Inspiration. Forgiveness. Truth. Not only do I have to give those things to others but to myself as well. Can I forgive myself for me past? Can I be honest about where I am in life? Where is the line between guilt and self abuse?

I don't want to hurt anyone because I wouldn't want to be hurt. That's what it comes down to. How many times have I been to this place? Is it like holding a forearm plank? Every time I tried to hold to my feelings of doing what's right I give up and drop to the ground? When I know that there is some place inside of me that knows if I tough through this plank. If I just breathe. If I just have faith. If I just stay focused on my intentions (to be strong, happy, fit, free). If I do all that, the reward is so much more than that moment of comfort from the ground.

Is being with CIC holding the plank? Roughing it out through the hard times. Remembering to breathe and be in the moment. Appreciating him, us, and knowing that holding on to us will be greatly rewarding in the future. Is that the part of me that bitched out on Luis? To get through the tough times together. To know that discomfort will lead to success. I feel like falling to the ground to spare his wife, him, and myself any more discomfort.

Or...

Is not being with CIC holding the plank?was falling to the ground seeking comfort by falling into his arms (though not so willingly...) If I hold out until his divorce is official would it be more worth it? More in line with who I am and what I want? Is the feeling of falling to the ground the feeling of his flesh? The comfort of having his flesh rather than waiting for it to be mine?

This is where my confusion lies. Both sides seem sound. But which truth lies within me? And which truth is a lie? It seems so much easier to let him go than stay with him. I've become uncomfortable again. My guilt has run me over. He has been so good to me. He does things for me. He treats me like a queen. He is amazing. I should let that go because those things he agreed to give to someone else.

Does it bother me that his wife doesn't know? Not so much that she doesn't know but that we can't be together because he's not ready for it. If he were ready then things would be moving. I sure know how to pick them. If he died tomorrow no one would know about me as his partner. Just a scandalous mistress. Not even his parents...

Is this just a vacation for him to figure his shit out? The fuck inn I suppose...

I am grateful for being able to write and sort through my emotions. I am grateful for King Cole and his wise wisdom and unconditional love for me.

Worth The Wait

I've had an emotional weekend. I suppose I am at times uncomfortable with my emotions. My family is in dire straights lately and I don't know what to do. I want to help. I don't want to be rejected or used. I do love my family. I don't like their lifestyle.

My stepdad had to get emergency surgery last week. He already has to take dialysis because of scarred kidneys. He somehow contacted a bacterial infection that has him bed ridden. Whatever is causing the bacteria incited the need for back surgery. He is in a lot of pain right now. I've never seen him like this and it was heart breaking. He is a strong and blessed man.

Of course my question is why and I can only come back to ye lifestyle. I helped my sister move some time in December I believe. Her house was out of control and soaked in dust, dirt, and urine from kids and dogs. I put my hands on this and it caused my body to break out very badly. I had a severe allergic reaction to this environment. That same night I went to my mom's house to sleep, but I couldn't sleep.

My mother's house is also a breeding ground for dirt but worse, she has bed bugs in her furniture. They crawled on me and bit me throughout the night. I couldn't sleep. In fact, I was so itchy and drakes out I left my mom's house very early for the airport. I ended up going to CICs house to be taken care of. That environment is no place for children and I worry about my nieces being there.

I haven't told my mom about what happened. My sister has tried to tell her but my mother was unresponsive. The last time I tried to help my family, it didn't go so well. Perhaps my methods are the issue. I feel bad. If something ever happened and I didn't speak up, I would feel worse. My mother. She just either doesn't get it or gets it and is too afraid of her emotions to see what's going on and do something about it.

I came to Chicago to visit my stepdad in the hospital. I only wanted to be here one night. I stayed at Courtney's because I will never sleep at my mother's apartment again. Sunday night my flights cancelled to MSP so I had to stay another night here. I really didn't want to. Especially since my housing options were limited. Staying at Courtney's wasn't bad except for the big tv and pot smoking. Sadly my best option.

Staying at Tiffany's was the only option I had because it was closest to the airport and bug free at the moment. Still kids dirty but not as bad as before. Oh, and my sister has the flu going around and wasn't trying to catch that. I'd take the flu over the bugs though. It's to the point where I don't even want to sit on my mother's couch. Nor did I want to sit my belongs there.

Last time I ended up taking a few bugs with me. I hope I haven't done that this time. I slept with a mask on at my sister's. Didn't breathe that well over there. Somehow I managed to get itchy hands and a few bug bites on me. I did sleep on the blow up bed from my grandmother.

I do want to go there and enjoy my family but they make it hard. My niece had scratches on her back and she casually said it's the bug bites. Something has for to change. They need to know those babies can be taken away if it's known that they are in this environment. Why doesn't anyone see the big picture??

I was not happy yesterday and lost about what to do and why I was still there. I got my soul lessons. My grandmother told me the importance of helping family and also asking for help from family. I have to try again. My race had too me that I can do anything. This is not impossible. I just can't do it alone which is what I tried to do last time. My siblings must support me. We have to do this together.

I was so upset about having to stay another night. This morning a I was leaving my sister's house I saw my brother Cory. He was getting out of a car. He looked sooooo incredibly thin. I haven't seen him that thin since grade school. I called to him, "Co Co!" He didn't recognize it was me at first. When he did he said come here. At first I thought, can't miss my bus but I'm glad I went over.

He gave me a hug. I don't remember the last time I got a hug from my brother. That moment may the entire weekend worth it. And I swear to you he healed me. He sensed my pain and assured me it would be ok like he always does. He will help me. My mother told me one day Cory and I would help her. I think that day has arrived.

26 Miles

I wrote this on January11, 2013.

Today is the day. Well, not the day day but the beginning of a day or days. I am on a plane now. I am on my way to the WDW marathon weekend. CIC has joined me for this adventure. I have signed up to run a half marathon, 13.1 miles, and a marathon, 26.2 miles in two days. I want the medals. I want the bling. I want the glory. I thrive for the challenge and push of my body. it excites.

Back in September 2012 I did the Disneyland half marathon to earn my coast to coast medal. I earned a lot more than that in that race. The Fish's dad has colon cancer, as you know, so I decided to dedicate my race to him.

He's an amazing man. A mammoth of a man. He's dedicated his entire life to serving god. He's an inspiration. I channeled him that day. He's a fighter. His sprit is tough and he got me trough those miles. The interesting thing is that we've never exchanged many words. I haven't spent that much earth time with him. I know his soul though. His unconditional love. What he gave me that day, I don't know how to thank him for.

I experienced for the first time what it was like to run for someone else and it was amazing. I PR'd that day, running the fastest race I've ever run at 2:14 (2:24 according to the Disney clock). It truly was an amazing experience. Every time I wanted to slow down or give up I thought about how he hasn't given up on this cancer.

I decided a short time after that race I would find 26 people to contemplate on during my marathon to get me through. As my priorities have been out of order, I have not trained for this run physically in the way that I should. However, with my life changes lately and my focus on mind, body, and soul through yoga, I have trained mentally for a run in a way I have never imagined.

My body has some issues right now such as a core in training, a lower back in recovery, overworked hip flexors, and some kind of crazy stress in my neck and traps causing huge knots. Having a mental and spiritual grounding is what will carry me through with those conditions.

So, the 26. I suppose it's time to make a decision on this. 26 people for 26 miles. I think that I haven't been as strong in my relationships with my friend's and family as I should've been in the past. Nevertheless I know I have their unconditional love and they have mine.

Mile 1, Grandma. The matriarch

Mile 2, Najee. The future

Mile 3, Alora. The beginning of a new Williams woman.

Mile 4, Dionne. If I were half as smart and beautiful as she is when I was her age, I'd be unstoppable.

Mile 5, Kitana. An old soul here to bring light to many lives. She knows too much.

Mile 6, Julia. Another old soul. Perhaps a reincarnate. The only one of my nieces I had the opportunity to see in infancy.

Mile 7, Jonathan. What a mission this kid has taken on. His strength will be needed here.

Mile 8, Raja. My protégée I want so much for him.

Mile 9, Tiffany. She'll always be my best friend in a sense. She's so intelligent. She'll know what I need at this mile.

Mile 10, Courtney. The angel in my life, in my family. Push me baby girl!

Mile 11, Shaheed. At this point in any race I'll need the laughter and nurture only he could provide. Mile 11 kinda sucks but shaheed is shawesome!!

Mile 12, Cory. The confidence to know that I can do it. That everything will work out.

Mile 13, my Mother. For many reasons why that I can't type. I'll save the reasons for the race. I am grateful she took me on.

Mile 14, Pep. My father. I'm blessed to have two. No one will ever understand me like he does.

Mile 15, Dennis. My father. My kindred spirit. What an interesting turn of events in our lives.

Mile 16, Laura. Without her support in my life, I wouldn't be running.

Mile 17, Kara. Pronounced like Car. My best friend. A soul mate. My teacher.

Mile 18, Devin. My sister. Holy yoga!! This is the furthest I've ever run before. I need someone in my head who knows what I say and think before I say it.

Mile 19, Cole. My soul mate. For some reason cole will be running next to me in a yellow t-shirt and very short and tight powder blue shorts with a drink in his hand screaming, "oh lord Jesus its a marathon."

Mile 20, my Chica!!!!!!!! Nough said. =D

Mile 21, Carl. My running coach. My twin.

Mile 22, Sandra Tatum. My second mother. My angel. Thank you!

Mile 23, Michele. No matter how long it's been you have still called me a friend. The original Chica. Thank you.

Mile 24, Grandaddy. The patriarch now and forever.

Mile 25, Aunty. No words can say why.

Mile 26.2, Me. Why? Because I know I can hold myself up after all the love I've been given.

I'm ready. I'm grounded. I'm grateful. I'm loved. I am a runner. I am a marathoner. Let's get it!

Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part V

Your purpose is not what you have to do, it's why you are here.

What does it mean for me to be authentic? At this point I should have my intention, my goals, my purpose statement, and a plan of execution written down.

What's my intention?
To feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous.

What are my goals?
To live a healthy and fun life.  To be fit and strong.  To be financially secure.  To love and be loved.  To use my gifts to help others. 

What is my purpose statement?
My purpose is to recognize the importance and need to feel free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous and that is the feeling I want to give to others around me.

What are my grounded action steps?
I should be clear, specific, and measurable. If I reach this criteria it will be more helpful for others.
How have I been feeling since I have come across this knowledge? I feel so much clarity toward my goals and being. I love seeing my experiences as soul lessons that I needed go learn in order to maximize my purpose.  I, too, have been holding myself back  Raise my standards and I will rise along with them. .
 My shoulds have to become my musts. That will help me to align with my integrity.

Program in review

Day 1: all about intentions/the way I want to feel. 
Day 2: all about purpose.  My purpose and intentions are linked and when I live in my purpose, that is when I will start to manifest my intentions.  The place that I come from is what matters.
Day 3: all about getting advice from my future self about what I want to accomplish and the advice I will need to get there.
Day 4: all about stepping outside my comfort zone and using my fear as motivation.  If I'm not afraid, then something is wrong.
Day 5: Where do I start?

I can look into a book by Brian Tracy concerning goal setting. Our goals can't be egoic.  My major definite purpose is not necessarily as it relates to this course. It is the one thing, that if I accomplish this one thing,  it's going to help everything else fall into place. What is that one thing for me? Am I taking action toward this one thing? This purpose can continue to grow and expand.  It can also change as I reach that goal. 

There are six qualities to my major definite purpose to help everything fall into place.
One: personally want it/something that I want for myself
Two: clear and specific
Three: measurable and quantifiable
Four: believable and achievable
Five: has to have a 50/50 probability of success (baby steps are ok)
Six: has to be in harmony with our other goals. It has to make sense. You can't have abs with French fries everyday.

When I look at my entire list, is there one thing I could do right now to help everything on my list?
Eat a salad everyday.
Eat either beans, fish, or grains high in protein everyday.
Do yoga and run everyday. Yoga 3-4 times a week.  Running 2-3 times.
Meditate 5-30 minutes a day.
Write every Monday.
Put $70 into my savings every week.
Sleep by 2130
Study yoga on the weekend.
Crochet every two weeks.

My major definite purpose is to maintain vibrant health and be economically stable by executing the above actions.  This will help me focus on the things that matter most and will create trickle effect for everything else. 

For 30 days
Wake up everyday and write what I am choosing to do for the day in alignment with my list from above; write out each step and why I'm doing it.  It's not a to do list, it's a to be list.  It will start my day with an emotional drive.  I also need to learn the power of saying no, especially if it will interfere with my intentions.  What better reason is there to get up every morning. Reticular Activating Cortex: I am training my brain to look for these things. This is private.  Tell only those who will support me. It's between me, God, and my tribe.

What do I think I would feel like in 30 days? I have to schedule this or it won't happen.  I have to make and keep a schedule. This is not negotiable.  Why I am doing this? What would I rather lose, my dream or sleep? I can get sleep later.  My dreams must happen now. Wow.  I've been afraid to get out of bed everyday because of what I have to do. This is crazy.

Who are my go to people? Carl. Cole. Devin. :D ♥♡
Who am I going to avoid in the next 30 days? No late nights at the Myers, no late night drinking, take my ass home, not stay at the scene of the crime i.e. Compass,  not out of bed after 2130, Netflix is a luxury.

I have to make a schedule to honor my alignment list so that it's not negotiable.  I think that the first time I did got afraid of my success. This about taking my power back.  Remembering who I am, what my purpose is, and what I have to do to make it happen. What would I rather lose?  My dreams or sleep?  This is about making myself a priority. 

Look at my major definite purpose and write it out.  I also didn't seek to find support from the people in my tribe as well.  I never scheduled this or had anyone accountable in my life.  I had to sit down with Carl and talk to him about really supporting me on this.  Maybe even get him to do it with me if he'd like.

This list is not a list of things I am going to be doing for 30 days, it is a process that will become my lifestyle that will jump start over the next 30 days.  This is not a 30 day diet or quick fix.  This is who I must become without exception. I have to be in my purpose every single day. I have to keep my standards high because I'm going to be surrounded by challenges. 

What activities will I not engage in over the next 30 days? I think this would be fitting for my 90 day challenge.  Don't return to the scene of the crime.  There are some things I should no partake in and some places I should not go. "Here's my major definite purpose and I won't engage in those activities that keep me from who I am."  At the end of 30 days I will have momentum and will open the door to create the lifestyle that I want. When we live a life of integrity we become happier.

Go over all of these sessions and put everything together:
Goals
Intentions
Purpose
Fears
How to use fear as feul
What to focus on to make it all come together

Actualizing My Soul's Goals Part III: Your Soul's Goals Exercize

Setting goals is important.  If we set them from a place outside of who we are, it does not work.  Trying to set abundance goals from lack does not work.  I have clarified my intentions.  My intentions are to feel: free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous.

Now that I have an idea of what my purpose is, the reason why I was born, I can move forward. Christ said, if I bring forward what is within me, what I will bring forward will save me.  If I don't bring forward what is within me, it will destroy me. Joseph Campbell says, to follow my bliss. This is the difference of a life of destruction and a life of being saved my your gift.  If we don't ground our intentions and tangible goals, we won't be able to manifest.

I have to take grounded action in order to maximize the results of my life.  If I don't do it, I am not going to live it.

The way that I want to feel.

Intentions are free, happy, safe. protected, special, fun, loved, and adventurous.  I am to give this to others. My purpose is to experience and create happiness and freedom in a loving and special way.

What is within me? Creativity. Intuition. Health consciousness.

Without spiritual grounding I won't be able to manifest my goals. I need grounded action. If I don't take action I engage in spiritual entertainment. I must bring clarity into the things I have to do.

I am here to teach what I have to learn. What do I have to learn? Patience. An open heart. Commitment. Motivation. Healthy living. Giving. Saying no. Relaxation. Not worrying or stressing. To be in the moment. To see everything in divine order. Less judgment.

There are things in life that give us energy. When we live in our purpose we are energized by a sustainable energy unlike that of food. There's no need to complicate my own truth. All the work I've been doing up until now has been preparing me for this time in my life.

Soul's goals process

Involves time travel and imagination.

Imagine myself in a green field where anything is possible. A field of infinite possibilities. In this field I see myself a year from now. I have accomplished my goals. I am living in my Soul's purpose.

What have I done within a year to get myself to this place? what have I been able to achieve in one year? What's changed? What one piece of advice could you give me now? Do it. Don't be afraid. Love.

Turn around. Now see another part of myself in the distance. This is me five years from now. Go to this version of me. This is the highest possible version of myself.

Five years from now, what have I accomplished? What miracles have shown up in my life? How's my body? How's my health? How's my bank account? How are my relationships? What career am I in? What do I do most of the time? Why advise can you give me now? I write. I'm a mom. I'm in love. I am healthy. I am financially abundant. I travel and teach. I do yoga most of the time. Stay focused. All will revel itself in time. You will become the empath you were born to be.

As I turn in the field I see myself ten years from now. I ask the same questions. I am here. I am healthy. I am yoga. I am stable. There is comfort and happiness and bliss. A child. A love. A car. Something flies. Things happen in life. That is life. Find peace. It will all settle.

I now see me on my death bed. What is my legacy? What will I make better? What have I left here? Family strength. Community. Be loving in all things. Don't be afraid to love. And smile.

I am a teacher. I gave my life to others. I had a strong family. I was loving so I was never alone, even in death. I lived a long, filling, healthy life. I got to meet my maker after being in his service for many years. I got to be with Carl again. I finally found the path to health and happiness. Wealth and stability. And my child. I do become a mother. I smiled. Things settle and I'm ok with that.

If I had to look at all my goals without a time limit, what would those goals be?

I am an instructor. A teacher and a student of life, light, love, and yoga. I have a practice. I write. I engage. I travel. I am known. I give consultations. I have a child. I have my twin flame. I reach and accept stability. I have a home.

What we think is possible and what is actually possible are two different things. If I am truly living from my purpose, the list above (which is my soul's purpose/the goals my soul wants to achieve), I will blow my mind. So ten years from now, I'll be a lot further along. I have to let go of the things that I think I need to do to be perfect. I simply need to focus on creating these things. I will be energized to do these things from this place.

List of things I can do right now
1. Continue to run
2. Learn more yoga. Practice!!
3. Finish my degree
4. Go to yoga school
5. Be open to love
6. Fall into the flow of the universe
7. Be responsible for what I put inside of me and what I release
8. Learn to drive
9. Keep my relationships strong and loving
10. Invest and save money.
11. Meditate everyday.
12. Grow my own food
13. Learn how to do readings.
14. write my book
15. Appreciate the morning

Grounded action steps are things that start with an action verb. These are the things that will help me to live my goals. I can then be specific about the goals on my list. In the end it will be the culmination of the things on the list. What are the little things I can do right now to get me started? What are the details? The details are where success happens.

Grounded action steps
1. Learn to drive
2. Invest and save my money. Open an IRA with b of a
3. Practice and study yoga. Plan to start yoga training in 6 months.
4. Write my book. Finish my book before the summer time.
5. Meditate daily
6. Make a calendar of your goals. A timeline of events.
7. Write my blog weekly. Soul Lessons Weekly.

This shit right here!!! This that shit. This list is formed from the inside out. How does this list make me feel? Amazing. Unstoppable. Anything is possible. It's about doing this every single day to build spiritual muscle. I need to make a dream board. I have so much clarity right now!!!

I can time travel into the future anytime to call on my higher self to give me the advice I need. The goals I have set are based on my soul's purpose. Pay attention to who I know I am. I live a self approved life. Having a dream job doesn't mean I live my dream life. I have to want my dream life and when I focus on that my career will cater to my soul's goals.

Growing pains will happen but if I give them an empowering meaning, life can be amazing. The list needs to be clarified and it will be. My purpose can manifest in many different ways but there's one thing I can do to truly extend my purpose.

If I'm angry it lets me know I need to do the work.

Purpose is a way of being and when we are that way, it registers into every area of our life. We want to become conscious of these things to actively create them. What are the common themes I am experiencing in my life and how can I cultivate them so that I share them with others? Working toward stability.  Being supported by those around me.  Always being in a relationship.  Teaching.  Being in a classroom.  Getting physically fit.

Our job is just an extension of our propose. Just a spoke in the wheel. A through line is what my intentions all have in common. Do my best to make a mission statement.What's my mission statement?

Make my faith my trust fund for my endeavors. That's the only investment that I need. This is about surrendering to and working with the divine and it will happen on the universe's time, not mine.

Perhaps self sabotage is not real. Mastin has a theory that since our instincts are to survive it is impossible to wake up and say, I'm going to ruin my life today. Our nervous system wants to keep us alive and when fear comes up we may go into a flight or fight mode. Fear will always be around and this is a good thing. Our goal is to use fear as a motivator or fuel for growth. When we are outside of our comfort zone fear can be used as a compass to show us where to go. We have to train ourselves everyday to step outside our fear everyday.

Right before anything I've ever done, I was scared. It is a common thing that means I'm growing.